I'd like to be a SAHD...

[sussexcoast98]

Completely hypothetical situation but I'd like some female opinion on this if I could please?

So I am male, 26, single, but would one day love to change this and have a wife and children of my own.

When that time comes, I would really love the idea of staying home with the children and being a full-time Dad!

Now, obviously none of you know me, but I am not one of those 'alpha-male', aggressive, insecure men who believes that women are second class citizens and that 'gender roles' come from reality, instead of ignorant and nasty social conditioning stemming from a time when women were treated as virtually inhuman and worthy of no rights at all. I believe that there is no such thing as a male/female divide, and there is instead an ADULT/CHILD divide.

I believe that either adult can carry out either of the adult roles, as they see fit, it has nothing to do with gender, as if only women/men were able to do these things, then it would be physically impossible for the other to do, but that obviously is not the case!

What I mean is: as a man, I cannot lactate. I cannot menstruate. That is an example of something that only women can do. It is physically impossible for men to do them.

It is NOT physically impossible for a man to stay at home and care for and bring up/look after their baby while their wife is at work. Social conditioning has brainwashed society into believing that it is WRONG if men are to do this, as society wants the role carried out by women, regardless of the man's ability.

Many use shaming tactics to try and push this agenda further, such as stating that it is 'emasculating' for a man to want to care for children, but there are men that do exist in society that are not insecure enough to be taken in by this - I am one of those people.

Obviously I know that it is something that would have to be agreed with both parties and she realistically would have to be earning more for it to work and be viable (otherwise we could both go part time to both have time with the kids and financially contribute, should she also want time at home with them as well)

I just really love the idea of doing the personal care of looking after and bringing up/caring for my child/ren in their early years and in addition to that, love the idea of pampering my lady when she has had a hard day, such as by cooking her a nice meal, and spending some nice time together in the evenings - hopefully with some cuddles and sex too! :)

Looking after our home and keeping it clean and tidy, is just simple common sense and something that needs to be done to stay hygienic - it is not a 'feminine' activity at all! All men have to do it to keep clean when they live alone, but once they live with a partner, it is suddenly a 'female' chore? So they were women before they moved in with their DW were they? Do me a favour.

If my lady is at work providing for our family financially then I owe it to her as her husband to keep my side of the deal and ensure that all household and childcare tasks are completed for her when she gets home. The exception to this would be if she proactively wants time alone with the kids to bond when she gets in, for example.

I really like the idea of cooking her a nice 3-course meal during the day and for her to come home to a nice candle-lit romantic dinner served up by her loving hubby! :) Who knows, perhaps it could lead to cuddles, snogging and sex to wind the day down!

I know these days are a long way off but I do have this dream in my head that I could be the modern day 'Rosa Parks' that changes forever society's perception of men and women, just as Rosa did with blacks and whites.

I suppose I have always been a very gentle, softly-spoken man that is described by everyone I know as very kind and loving and thoughtful, and I just have always found the idea of being a full-time dad as a sort of 'calling' - I feel it fits very well with my personality traits.

Hopefully I can one day find a lady to write a story with and we can be each other's happily ever after, but I guess I have to wait for now.

It goes without saying that the very large majority of men currently do not share my values, being very hands-off and sexist to their wives, you only need to spend 10 minutes on here on a daily basis to see that! But I hope this post can show some of the ladies on here that gentle, loving very family-orientated men do exist :)

Have a nice afternoon everyone x

I'd call attractiveness subjective, wouldn't you?

No one is covering themselves in glory here. The OP needs to take time to reflect at he's said some cringy and in places pretty awful things. But so have many others who are holding onto very traditional views of men as the provider and women the nurturer.

I do think people are being unfair though as many of us had unrealistic views before we had kids. Some of us may have even made them reality.

I was late to even lost my virginity. I was very clear in my mind though that when I found someone I'd wake him up in the morning all eager every morning 😂.

Before I had kids I was planning on returning to work full time at 6m and wouldn't let it affect my career. Instead I threw away my career and work PT hours around the kids.

Before I had kids I said that if (not that I wanted to) I was home with children then I'd make sure as well as cooking lovely meals and keeping everything tidy today I'd make my husband a peaked lunch, even sandwiches with homemade bread, because I thought I'd have the time. 😂😂

Before I had kids I had it planned out how we'd have a babysitter once a week and go for a sex fuelled child free mini break once a month (etc a longer holiday once a year). We've had a handful of weekends away in 7 years.

Before I had kids I didn't think my sex life would be affected. I wasn't expecting the prolonged exhaustion of 2 chicken with chronic sleep issues along with juggling work. We probably do better than some, but are a long way from my original plan

Before I had kids I said I'd stay the same size afterwards and would continue to take as much care of myself. Big pants and a couple of dress sizes happened instead.

I'm sure I'm not the only one with unachievable goals. I'm not going to punish a bloke for having them too. He's just very naive. The mansplaining/racist comments and creepyness I totally don't excuse though

spending some nice time together in the evenings - hopefully with some cuddles and sex too! :)

Not if she ever reads this mess. She'll be getting a portcullis fitted on her vagina.

There have been many, many studies on this. Men tend to chose partners based on physical attraction, women tend to chose partners based on financial security and compatible values. Men will overlook a lower paid woman if she’s attractive and will shag him, because sex is a priority to them. Women won’t because they don’t want to risk having a house/kids with someone who is going to be financially irresponsible.

Most people who live in the real world will already know this. Just look at the amount of much older men with much younger, far more attractive wives.

Good god, I could open a dessert shop with all the waffle he's handing out here...😴

If you're as creepy in person as you're coming across on here, it won't be a very successful shop.

Did you do a google search for misogynistic jokes about women speaking?

Eh? He's handing out? Is that a typo, OP? Or a name change fail? Are you trolling your own thread?

You see you want every single thing to be entirely equal....but real life doesn't work like that. Men are generally quite visual. I have no idea why....nature, biology. The number of women, particularly successful ones, who will place attractiveness over other traits is incredibly small. Yes they will clearly need some attraction but honestly for a life partner, it's not top of the list.

So why do women date much lower earning men then, when they do?

You sound like a loonatic.

Also I dread to break it to you, but after your lovely lady has given birth a couple of times, and has the stresses of every day work, because her high powered job is going to be stressful right?, I can guarantee she won't want sex as often as you'd like. And if you don't hurry up and meet this lady, by the time you've met, got married, had your children and cooked all those lovely meals, she'll be starting the menopause, and that's a whole other story 😂

Exactly. It doesn't take long for the nice guy persona to be completely stripped away, does it? Although to be fair, that happened quite a few pages back. All these women who are experienced in relationships and parenting, are just waffling when they fail to agree with the OP that he is the second coming, because he would like to be a SAHD.

Oooh I didn't spot that! Wonder if there's some sock puppeting?

I think there might be! Was waiting for it to get interesting!

@sussexcoast98 I think it's rare. Few female higher earners in my circle marry lower earners. Occasionally they meet when they are both lower earners, and the woman is more successful. But it's rare, because even as a lower earner most want to date people who also have ambition for the future.

The women I know in those situations didn’t usually start out as the higher earning partner. They met young, early in their careers and she ended up more successful.

Im not saying there aren’t cases where women do marry men who earn less. But you asked why women were less likely to look for physical attraction as a quality.

I think it depends on what the lower earner does. If they are in a vocational career, such as teaching, nursing, etc then they still posses drive and a passion for their subject, they are still very exciting and stimulating to be around. They have simply chosen a profession where they will not earn big bucks. Or, as PP have pointed out, they both started out as lower earners and everything else about the relationship is wonderful, so they make their peace with their partner earning less.

Ditto!
I don't know of any XY who could cope with being a ''stay at home dad'' -especially BEFORE having the wife, the kids and the tedium of being chained to a house and dependent on another's income.

Some men are very good fathers, but they work.

Surely though, as long as they are enthusiastic for whatever they do, that is the important thing, rather than hauling themselves out of bed every day to be there?

OP had a name change fail and is quite blatantly trolling his own thread. This whole thing is fake - as suspected pages back!

Good lord, he must really hate women to be spending so much effort making up a whole argument and spending so much time arguing with anonymous mums online.

Avoiding the topic of your name change fail? You're fooling no one, OP.

Again, you've quoted someone else. That comment never came from me.

Try again.

Just another sad incel then. I think deep down they hate themselves even more than women, women are just an easy target for them so they don’t have to take a look at the real cause of their problems.