Is my child’s school being extremely unreasonable?

[RainbowSlidders]

As the title says, I am so bloody angry/upset right now I don’t want to respond until I have had confirmation that they are being as unreasonable as I think.

I lost my dad on Sunday late evening, he lived 300+ miles away including a ferry journey we rushed down Friday AFTER school and drove back early hours of Monday morning all kids attended school Monday. This was a very unexpected death, he had not been ill and was very active and health for a 78 year old. He suffered a brain haemorrhage, the bleed was massive and catastrophic.

Due to cultural differences the funeral lasts 7 days, I understand this is not the norm and my children won’t be attending the full 7 days. The service will take place Thursday, I submitted a leave of absence form for Wed/Thurs/Fri due to the journey. The attendance officer from my son’s school has just rang and been extremely unpleasant, said it will be unauthorised as it’s not viewed by the school as an exceptional circumstance and we will be charged £160 fine as my son had a week off in July for surgery. I made it clear I did not agree and the fine won’t change my mind I was going to my dad’s funeral. I also said it was exceptional circumstances as you only die once, maybe not my finest moment but it was the least rude thing I could think of.

Am I being ridiculous? I have been feeling really off since Sunday, crying on and off for no particular reason so not sure if it is actually me being unreasonable. Monday after dropping the younger 2 at school I had to drop my eldest daughter off at university for her first day which was also very emotional for us both.

Very unreasonable. We had authorised absence approved for a close family funeral and dc was off 2 days due to travel. I would definitely escalate.

I am glad others have been able to confirm you are being reasonable, and when you return from the funeral, yes complain to the governors. Many people have parents who live a distance away.

Definitely unreasonable. We had a grandparent funeral at the beginning of this term. Authorised by the headteacher and they sent condolences as any decent school should.

@neverbeenskiing she rang from the school, the number came up on my phone. Apart from the one week last week no not had any other time off I can remember. He is now is year 11, had 100% attendance up until that point.

So unreasonable they are not even in the same solar system.

YANBU

Sorry for your loss op what a horrible shock for you and your dc.

I despair, I really do.
What has the world come to, when human beings lack so much compassion.

I'm so sorry for your loss @RainbowSlidders 💐

I'm sorry you're having to deal with box ticking morons under these sad circumstances.
The school is wrong.

I’m sorry you’ve lost your dad, that’s been such a shock for you💐

As for any fine, it wouldn’t be paid and I’d see them in court. Common sense has left the building!

I would repeat the term “religious discrimination” every time you have this conversation with them. Your children have the right to observe the full grieving process of your religion/culture if you wish. That you want just a subset and to return them to education before you are likely ready is more than reasonable .

Just because your practices are not part of the dominant culture does not mean they can’t be followed as best as possible.

I'm so sorry for your loss OP

The school are being massively unreasonable . I work in a school office and there's no way you would be fined for this.

This is exactly the the exceptional circumstances that can be authorised by the head, and your child's medical absence in July should be irrelevant to this matter.

Good God, that's terrible. Forget about it until after the funeral then complain. Don't pay the fine.

This ^ it is your religious belief to observe that many days and you aren't even asking them for that. It is discrimination. Do they state anything in their attendance policy about funerals?

I am so sorry for your loss and that you have to travel such a distance for the funeral. I am not excusing what the person from school said I am just wondering if they are taking a very hard line due to it being year 11 but I would be arguing it.

My son's secondary school authorise absences not only for funerals but for grieving too. Then again they have an 100% attendance reward and also a 97% attendance reward because they recognise not all students can make it in 100% of the time.

I believe its down to the school or academy to decide what counts as exceptional circumstances but I agree its awful and although I work at a school if God forbid anything happened to my parents the school rules would go out the window.
Yes OFSTEAD do look at attendance, it was actually highlighted in our report.

Condolences OP. Both my kids were given 3 days off to attend my FILs funeral due to travelling (all within England so not huge distances). DDs school then contacted me to say they had requested she had exceptional circumstances applied to her A levels. I was amazed and said that wasn't necessary and they said that they had spoken to my DD and understood her dad had been away a lot when FIL was ill and that they were very sympathetic to our situation. Your DCs school is being utterly ridiculous.

To be fair there's actually nothing the school can do to stop parents taking their child out of school for a funeral. the problem is when it becomes persistent or its for an extended amount of time then meetings and fines come into play. An odd unauthorised absence doesn't really mean anything.

I can hardly believe that an attendance officer would be so clueless.

Firstly, sickness absence is not unauthorised.

Secondly, it was in July anyway, so doesn't count towards this academic year.

Thirdly, it's a funeral and should automatically be authorised.

Fourthly as a pp has said, you have to be absent for 5 days or more to come within scope of possible fines.

Somebody is being very stupid.

Email in and ask for the attendance policy and the complaints procedure. That should wake them up.

I don’t know on whose authority the attendance officer was acting, but I’d clarify that with the head teacher first. It’s the head to whom requests for absence go.

If the attendance officer was acting arbitrarily, the head needs to know.

A medical absence in June was the last academic year and, as has been said, should have been recorded as medical. That will be easy to prove anyway. As for the forthcoming one, it would be very harsh to deny leave of absence for bereavement, especially a close family member.

I think it's ridiculous that kids are not officially allowed to miss school for their grandparent's funeral

Despite what headteachers claim, they DO have discretion to allow absence for this sort of thing. If they choose not to, that's on them.

I’m sorry for your loss, OP. The whole ethos of a school is driven by the leadership - common humanity went out of the window with one change of head at the school where I worked. One team was told they could only attend a colleague’s funeral in their lunchtime - half an hour. They stayed for the whole service (how could they do anything else?) and were subject to disciplinary procedures. I was told I couldn’t attend my best friend’s funeral because I’d have needed the whole day off, and to my eternal regret I didn’t go.

I am so sorry for your loss @RainbowSlidders 💐

school is being ridiculous, challenge, report etc. but on the flip side, if it was me and I was being fined, then I would stay for the full 7 days of the funeral

Personally, myself , I would ask if one day would usually be allowed for a funeral - because if this is so , then I would say it is discrimination as that is supporting one culture but not the other

Yes I was thinking this is potential racism as well. Plenty to go on here OP. But ultimately you can tell them to stuff it and take your kids out anyway, because you won't get fined.

They can't fine you by including time off for surgery! That should be authorised absence as should at least one day of your 3 days for the funeral. I'd also argue otherwise is exceptional circs due to your religion.

Our school polciy is one day for a funeral but you can have two for a wedding! There's no common sense applied.

Honestly, I'd email my local paper to see if they were interested in running a story on it. The pressure can get things turned around. I'd definitely stress the cultural/racial side.