Is my child’s school being extremely unreasonable?

[RainbowSlidders]

As the title says, I am so bloody angry/upset right now I don’t want to respond until I have had confirmation that they are being as unreasonable as I think.

I lost my dad on Sunday late evening, he lived 300+ miles away including a ferry journey we rushed down Friday AFTER school and drove back early hours of Monday morning all kids attended school Monday. This was a very unexpected death, he had not been ill and was very active and health for a 78 year old. He suffered a brain haemorrhage, the bleed was massive and catastrophic.

Due to cultural differences the funeral lasts 7 days, I understand this is not the norm and my children won’t be attending the full 7 days. The service will take place Thursday, I submitted a leave of absence form for Wed/Thurs/Fri due to the journey. The attendance officer from my son’s school has just rang and been extremely unpleasant, said it will be unauthorised as it’s not viewed by the school as an exceptional circumstance and we will be charged £160 fine as my son had a week off in July for surgery. I made it clear I did not agree and the fine won’t change my mind I was going to my dad’s funeral. I also said it was exceptional circumstances as you only die once, maybe not my finest moment but it was the least rude thing I could think of.

Am I being ridiculous? I have been feeling really off since Sunday, crying on and off for no particular reason so not sure if it is actually me being unreasonable. Monday after dropping the younger 2 at school I had to drop my eldest daughter off at university for her first day which was also very emotional for us both.

Also, we recently found out from our school that last year the local authority stipulated that only the first 2 days of any single absence could be authorised - after that they had to record as unauthorised. Hence several unauthorised days for my DD when she was genuinely ill.

That’s outrageous and I would go absolutely nuclear on them. But I am not very good at dealing with Conputer Says No bureaucracy.

I do think it needs to go to the governors.

When you say cultural practises do you mean sitting shiva?

I can’t imagine that governors or SLT would be happy with this at all, I would escalate!

Would they? Our secondary school closed for a day when a teacher died too.

Hi OP,
As you said there are cultural reasons for the 7 day funeral I would make a complaint in to the governors citing racial/religious discrimination.

https://www.gov.uk/guidance/equality-act-2010-guidance
The public sector equality duty is interesting - one of these duties is to foster good relations between groups. Not supporting you to observe your religious (edited to say or cultural) customs for a funeral is hardly doing that.

Sympathies re you dad how awful!

But i do think yabu a bit unreasonable. As 7 days funeral isnt the norm in uk and sounds excessive (even if it is normal for your culture.). Obviously you take as long as you have to or want to but the school rules frim the gov will have a period of time allowed for leave so its not up to school discretion. If you are going abroad though that adds time on i think.

Unclear if you mean you are travelling within uk?

However school are obviously completely wrong referring to an absence for surgery as surely that would be an authorised absence.

I thought the same and agree with you about governors, etc.

Sitting Shiva is quite normal for Jewish families of which there are plenty in the UK.

The op has said her children would not be doing all of the seven days but they are entitled to have time off school for some of it.

Do you have a partner OP? If so I would get them to write an email summing up the conversation you just had and checking it's right because it seems barbaric, not least because the person on the phone was speaking to someone who has just lost her father and showed no sympathy or humanity whatsoever.

If you don't have a partner I'm sure somebody on here could compose something you can copy and paste. You shouldn't be having to use your brain at this time.

I'm really sorry about your dad.

That is awful. I just would carry on and do what you need to do. Doesn't really matter if they authorise it or not. I wouldn't be paying the fine either

Agree that the school are being awful OP, and at a time when you are grieving. I'd definitely protest this. Doesn't attending a funeral fall under some sort of religious persecution protection?

SO unreasonable of the school. Of course the circumstances are exceptional. As was the surgery, which is actually a sickness absence. Complain to head teacher/ governors.

Well, that’s completely against the government policy, and seems likely to be complete nonsense. You can check yourself at the link below what the LA says, on the off chance it isn’t complete nonsense. Either way, I’d be complaining to either the school or the LA that they aren’t applying government policy correctly, and are making it up as they go along.

www.gov.uk/education-attendance-council

Follow the complaints procedure which is normally headteacher first, then chair of governors if no joy from the head.

The correct process will be on the school website.

Really harsh considering the circumstances

I took my child out for my dad's funeral for 3 days (because we needed to stay overnight as it wasn't near) and they only authorised one day the receptionist was quite funny with me when I told her she was going out for 3 days

This is why I , being Irish and having no first hand knowledge at all of English schools, feel v sorry for English kids and parents. The idea that your children would be refused leave to attend their grandparents funeral is horrific, no other word. Why would you want children to "learn" that a close relative s death is of v little importance.. I blame if Im honest Thatcher, ( am never sure if this quote is accurate) but what better example of it's an economy, not a society, ( r words to that effect) .. hope your daughter us now enjoying uni

I've a lot of complaints about a lot of stuff in Ireland , but, purely from my son's experience, 2004 to 2018, I'd have a lot of praise for our education system, much improved...

Don’t see why the surgery absence has been included as that’s clearly ok! And this should be too. Speak to the governors.
so sorry for your loss op xx

Absolutely ridiculous. I would get a complaint in in writing asap.

Insensitive jobsworth. Take the children to your DF's funeral and complain to the governors of your DC's school. Utterly wrong. And the time off for an operation is irrelevant - it was a medical procedure.
So sorry about your DF.

I deal with attendance and the school absolutely can and should authorise absence for the funeral of a grandparent. In OPs case I would imagine that the extra days for an extended funeral is due to religion - religion is a protected characteristic.

Previous absence for surgery absolutely should be authorised and this bereavement absence should be as well.

That sounds illegal. Illness does not take account of bureaucratic rules and it sounds contrary to government policy.

I’m so sorry for your loss. The shock caused by a sudden loss is truly awful. Your children need time and space to talk , cry and question when they need to.
The school attitude is appalling. Absolutely awful.
A complaint to the governors is in order, copy to the trust if they’re an academy, LEA if that’s appropriate. I’d also be emailing my MP.

I’m so sorry for your loss OP
this is totally unreasonable and I would be on war path to be honest