Is my child’s school being extremely unreasonable?

[RainbowSlidders]

As the title says, I am so bloody angry/upset right now I don’t want to respond until I have had confirmation that they are being as unreasonable as I think.

I lost my dad on Sunday late evening, he lived 300+ miles away including a ferry journey we rushed down Friday AFTER school and drove back early hours of Monday morning all kids attended school Monday. This was a very unexpected death, he had not been ill and was very active and health for a 78 year old. He suffered a brain haemorrhage, the bleed was massive and catastrophic.

Due to cultural differences the funeral lasts 7 days, I understand this is not the norm and my children won’t be attending the full 7 days. The service will take place Thursday, I submitted a leave of absence form for Wed/Thurs/Fri due to the journey. The attendance officer from my son’s school has just rang and been extremely unpleasant, said it will be unauthorised as it’s not viewed by the school as an exceptional circumstance and we will be charged £160 fine as my son had a week off in July for surgery. I made it clear I did not agree and the fine won’t change my mind I was going to my dad’s funeral. I also said it was exceptional circumstances as you only die once, maybe not my finest moment but it was the least rude thing I could think of.

Am I being ridiculous? I have been feeling really off since Sunday, crying on and off for no particular reason so not sure if it is actually me being unreasonable. Monday after dropping the younger 2 at school I had to drop my eldest daughter off at university for her first day which was also very emotional for us both.

I'm so sorry this is awful. How do schools fine you? Do all parents now leave bloody credit card details at the school office? What happens if you tell them to shove it?

Id put a complaint in writing, write to the school governor and to be honest I'd consider the papers!

I think it’s absolutely appalling from the school and you are well within your right to challenge it. Try to contact the Head directly and definitely the Governors. If anything, it’s discrimination due to the cultural significance too. However, Ofsted won’t do anything so don’t waste your time with them.

Something doesn't add up here. A week's absence for a medical reason (surgery is irrefutable) should never be unauthorised and lead to a fine. Maybe it was incorrectly categorised?

Best to calmly contact someone who knows what they're talking about, to get it deal with properly.

@Angrywife is correct. Note regulation 9A(7) which specifically says that the regulations do not prevent fines being issued in circumstances other than those stated in 9A(1). Those few LAs that fine for shorter periods of absence can continue to do so.

The school, or the 'jobsworth' authorised representative you are dealing with, is not only being unreasonable they're disrespectful, unkind and totally unsympathetic for the loss of your dad for which I send condolences...
I get exactly where you're coming from on this and it seems that since many schools are now 'academies' all humanity and good will has gone out the window...I can't believe you had a message asking you to 'explain yourself', I think they get so used to dealing with minors they forget how to interact with adults!! 🙄
They seem to get more het up and indignant over absence then anything else these days...we just got another long and dictatorial email from our boys school laying out what we can and can't do (with our own children!) with subtle threats of fines and ultimately prison if we don't adhere to their rigid and unrealistic rules and legislation regarding attendance!! My immediate response (if it wouldn't possibly somehow bounce back on our boy!) would be 'Heil fucking Hitler'!!! 😱
I would fight this to the bitter end but it's not right that you should have to do this at such a sad and traumatic time.😡

I'd love to know what the reason could possibly be for OP to be unreasonable by the 3% who voted so....
OP this sounds absolutely outrageous. I am so sorry you have to deal with such a holes during this difficult time ! Sending lots of love to you and your family.

Sorry for the passing of your dad :( And you are NOT being unreasonable - Id take it to your local authority or governing body

Agree with others, put in a formal complaint

Sorry to hear of your father's passing and that you also are having to deal with an unsympathetic school at such a sad time. Just wanted to add that if appealing at the school doesn't work, it might be worth contacting your local MP about this issue 💐

My apologies if this has already been said, but I think the Academy should be informed about this whether or not it is resolved by the school. I am so sorry you have had to deal with this at such a sad and difficult time for you and your family.

I don’t think you are being ridiculous. This person has caused you much unnecessary anguish at this sad time. I would write to the head teacher explaing everything and I would consider making a complaint under the Equalities Act about the attendance officer’s criteria for decisions, they could be deemed discriminatory on cultural grounds. I would definitely attend my father’s funeral and go to court if necessary, rather than pay a bogus fine. I am sorry for your loss. The loss of a parent is very hard.

Oh come on this is some jobsworth trying to make a point and exert their authority. Yes due to cultural differences the time scale is longer that in itself should be accommodated and it's not as if this will happen again like it's a jolly to Spain for a week. Bloody surgery eh that should not go down as un authorised either. Yes I get the reasons behind absences and fines tho this is noniscal. Letter to education board or council re this and do not pay. Sorry about your Dad as if you need this crap when you are grieving. I am peri menopausal would have went clean of my nut with rage.

I would absolutely throw that in their face

I haven't read all the messages ......
but big hugs.
Sure it has been said already a) Medical absence isn't unauthorised
b) If they won't authorise absence for a funeral for another religion/cultural report them to the Council on the grounds of discrimination.
SO SORRY you have all this on top of losing a beloved parent xxxxxxxxx

When I was headteacher (I’m retired), religious reason was treated as exceptional circumstance. Google ‘can child have time off for religious reasons?’

I’m sure schools don’t issue fines it’s the council- I’m a teacher and I’ve never heard the school directly fine. I could be wrong but I’m sure I’m not

My close parent died very very suddenly a few years ago.
I took my daughter out of primary school for TWO days and was sent a letter and asked to reconsider as this was 'excessive'

I went mental and complained to governers and ofstead

Schools these days are disgusting and I work in one!!

I'd be furious with that. The school have a duty of care for your DS and rather than checking if he is ok after the sudden loss of his Grandad they are being arsey and relaying messages about correspondence with parents.

HIUGELY unprofessional.

I'd be putting in an official complaint about that member of staff.

There's heavy handed and then there's being utterly unreasonable.

It's not your fault the funeral isn't local and your priority at the moment needs to be getting the kids there and prepared for what is going to be a difficult time for them, not rushing them home because school are foot stamping.

Shocking treatment.. I would never tell the school any of my business .. Except my child is sick for whatever reason.. Hopefully Labour will fix this mess....

Whoever this person is, clearly is in the wrong job. Utterly unacceptable.

I would 1) complain to the governors 2) loop in my local councillors and MP. And 3) talk to the local media.

I'd make sure I follow up the call on email. So there is a paper trail.

Just writing to confirm the contents of the phone call from X, who said they were the school's attendance officer. Call received xx time and date.

In that call, I was told that I face a fine of my son attends the funeral of his grandfather, who passed away suddenly on Xx date (please see copy of death certificate attached). The funeral is in xx location, which is xx miles away and involves many hours of travel. The reason that this has been refused is because he had medical leave for surgery in July. Prior to this he had 100% attendance.

I find this lack of application of rules, and the reasonable excuse guidelines as outlined by the DfE gravely concerning. The nature of the call was incredibly unprofessional and rude and has caused a great deal of distress to myself, my son, and the rest of our family.

We will obviously be attending the funeral for my father on these dates. As per the forms I have already submitted. We will not be paying a fine, as this absence should be authorised.

I would like to formally complain about the way this request and our family bereavement has been handled by X.

I would also like to exercise my rights under the freedom of information act and ask what training is provided to staff, both academic and support, for handling requests like these? How many requests for absence under reasonable excuse rules were made to the school for the previous academic year? How many of these were refused?

I have included my local councillors and MP who are supporting me with this issue.

I think that you could quiet easily claim that the school is being culturally insensitive if not downright prejudiced in the way you're being treated. I know you've got a lot on your plate right now but contacting the media, school head, the board of governors, your local education department, your councillor and MP. They will hopefully give them the rocket these (this?) cold bureaucrat(s) needs

They can only fine for unauthorised absence if your son had surgery in July then it doesn't count and they can't find you now the rules are static across all schools now and 3 days unauthorised absence is not enough to warrant a fine. So unless they have more unauthorised absences that your not saying then they don't have a leg to stand on. Put it in writing and quote the new law that came into place in August and insist you are taking them out for a funeral and you don't want it going down as unauthorised as it's compassionate christ my son had a day off when his rabbit died last year and his school considered it compassionate and authorised it. I'd also take this up as a complaint with the governors. Sounds like this attendance officer doesn't agree with the new rules because the prices are locked so is trying to get round them to bring funds in.

I am so sorry about your Dad. Reading that post just angered me. I think the school are being appalling. Honestly if anything happened by parents my kids would be too devastated to attend school. I am so glad we don’t have that poxy rule in N. Ireland.

So sorry for your loss OP. Can you let your DC’s form teacher know and get their support? It does seem exceptionally unreasonable. Of course one day out would probably be their ideal, but the distance should be considered mitigating circumstances.

After my mother died, I let the school know that my youngest would be attending the funeral, there was no pushback at all.