Is my child’s school being extremely unreasonable?

[RainbowSlidders]

As the title says, I am so bloody angry/upset right now I don’t want to respond until I have had confirmation that they are being as unreasonable as I think.

I lost my dad on Sunday late evening, he lived 300+ miles away including a ferry journey we rushed down Friday AFTER school and drove back early hours of Monday morning all kids attended school Monday. This was a very unexpected death, he had not been ill and was very active and health for a 78 year old. He suffered a brain haemorrhage, the bleed was massive and catastrophic.

Due to cultural differences the funeral lasts 7 days, I understand this is not the norm and my children won’t be attending the full 7 days. The service will take place Thursday, I submitted a leave of absence form for Wed/Thurs/Fri due to the journey. The attendance officer from my son’s school has just rang and been extremely unpleasant, said it will be unauthorised as it’s not viewed by the school as an exceptional circumstance and we will be charged £160 fine as my son had a week off in July for surgery. I made it clear I did not agree and the fine won’t change my mind I was going to my dad’s funeral. I also said it was exceptional circumstances as you only die once, maybe not my finest moment but it was the least rude thing I could think of.

Am I being ridiculous? I have been feeling really off since Sunday, crying on and off for no particular reason so not sure if it is actually me being unreasonable. Monday after dropping the younger 2 at school I had to drop my eldest daughter off at university for her first day which was also very emotional for us both.

Thisss !!!! Spot on @Fuckitydoodah

I do attendance at the primary school I work in. I'm embarrassed for the person you dealt with. I'd be worried that they'd misunderstood or misinterpreted the policy. Each case has to be looked at holistically, you can't just apply blanket rules to each case as there are human beings involved. I hate that some schools just look at it so impersonally, as if they're just statistics. The head has the final decision about whether to pursue a fine via the local authority.

At my school we'd take into consideration:

closeness of relative
specific circumstances of bereavement eg need to travel
cultural and religious considerations, within reason
current and previous percentage attendance
reasons for previous absences (any evidence eg medical appointment letters? Or is there a pattern of always having diarrhoea, which it's difficult to provide evidence for
whether high previous absence levels are impacting the child's progression/attainment
particular patterns eg always off on a monday or friday

It's obviously a bit different in an academy, but ultimately I think it would be the head's decision whether to pursue a fine for your individual case or not. Personally I'd definitely challenge whether it would even be unauthorised, never mind the threat of a fine

Definitely ask to speak to the head. That attendance person needs training. Stress how upsetting you found the conversation with the attendance officer, when you were already feeling upset and vulnerable. Or if it turns out they are correctly following the very rigid policy then I'd be asking for the policy to be reviewed and put in a complaint to governors to ask them to review it. I'm really sorry for your loss, it must have been hard to keep your cool in the circumstances.

Firstly sorry for your loss and that it’s been so sudden.

School are being totally unreasonable. Have you looked at their attendance policy from the website? That should show you in black and white what they should be following.

And argue the case regarding the surgery if they marked it as unauthorised at the time - it’s not relevant now and was surely incorrect at the time? I think ultimate responsibility is down to the head?

I hope you successfully manage to put them back in their place without too much stress when you have so much else going on x

School and their attendance policies suck. It's just for ticking a box and no other reason. Just have your kids off school. Once everything is sorted with your dad then start fighting the school retrospectively. Any place they'll report you will be understanding

Make a complaint to the governors, if you don’t get a decent response escalate and report to Ofsted or your Local Authority. This is barking mad and totally uncalled for. You have enough on your plate and the school should concentrate on supporting your children in school and be supportive in how they deal with you. I’m so sorry for your loss. This is awful 😢

I would complain to the governors. I'm sorry for your loss.

I'm so sorry you lost your Dad. Terrible. The school emotional intelligence is no where to be seen. Go to the funeral take them out and sort the school issue out afterwards. I would also go higher than the idiot who called you and tell them really what you think.

Im sorry for your loss. I wouldn’t waste your time trying to speak to anyone. So long as they’ve been told your child will be absent, nothing will happen. There’s not a court in the land that would fine you in these circumstances. If you’re so inclined, you could send a Recorded delivery letter to head cc in attendance officer and head of governors. Facts set out in paragraphs. I called x date to explain y. Was told y by attendance officer. Facts regarding absence 1 is that child had operation (evidence attached). Facts regarding forthcoming absence 2. - death of x, funeral is at Z , so child will be absent Z time. Don’t ask permission- tell them. Final para - please treat this as formal complaint about content of discussion and tone of attendance officer. Profoundly inappropriate in circumstances.
etc. Keep it unemotional and business like.

So sorry for your loss, the attendance officer was a bastard to say what he did. You and your family should do all you need to do to mourn your dad's passing and the school should be more sympathetic 💐

Week off for surgery. Can I just confirm this was the child’s surgery, not someone else’s?

I can't actually believe the school have said that, I would most definitely be complaining..... I'm sorry for your loss OP xx

Have you gone back to them OP?

My understanding of the way that it works is that

• School can decide whether or not to authorise. It is entirely within their gift to do so and clearly the circumstances, distance and cultural expectations warrant it. First, I would escalate beyond number-crunching overzealous attendance person to challenge the decision.

• Second the fine thing - school has to report unauthorised abscence to LA. It is up to them too, whether they recommend a fine. They would be absolute *****s to recommend a fine for abscence for a funeral attendance. LA then decide if they want to act on that recommendation. I would let the LA know the reason for the abscence prior to that decision as its harder to get a penalty notice retracted than not get one in the first place.

• it only ends up in court for non payment of the fine. But who needs that level of hassle.

The fines are intended as deterrent, you don't need to be deterred. School have no business threatening you. Most EWOs would say this is a non issue and misuse of a fine.

Put everything in writing - repeat and clarify what you were told by Attendance officer and ask them to confirm; then state why it should be reconsidered; cc to your partner if you have one, Head and Head of pastoral. Ridiculous that you should have to

A bloody disgrace! I agree with PP who suggested contacting the governors about it.

Assuming you submitted the docs from the hospital ref the week in July for surgery then they cannot class it aa unauthorised and it does not count towards absences for the fines. The bloke is a twat. I am a governor and also a mum of a kid with a chronic disorder who misses at least 2 weeks a year due to treatments.

The funeral should meet the bar for exceptional circumstances. I appreciate the cultural 7 dau thing wouldn't unfortunately but you are being more than reasonable in your request.

Go through their leave and attendance policies (have to be published online if you are England) and quote it back at them.

PS would also consider a mentioning that your DS was upset by what was said to them and that this was hugely insensitive at a time when they were, despite grieving and in shock, still attending school. Where's their pastoral responsibility in all this?

Contact your MP and local council to investigate this , as you also said in your culture it’s a 7 day funeral explain this should be considered also . So sorry you have lost your Dad x

Just be factual. In your culture people die just once and this is recorded for 7 days and that is that. It was the UK who banged on and on about inclusivity here so ?

Evening, thank you for all the kind messages. We haven’t said anything to them yet as I’m still to angry as is dh, we know we do have to though.

@exaltedwombat yes the surgery was ds he had an eye operation.

Extremely unreasonable. Sorry for your loss. I would go anyway whether they authorised or not, but if you have the strength, I would complain and push to get it authorised, It's good to challenge such unreasonable rules, it will hopefully help others as well in similar situations in then future.

Ok. I was just checking for reasons the school might NOT have been being unreasonable.

I am so sorry for your loss ..

honestly attendance has got to the point of ridiculous where people are devoid of common sense .

i agree complain in writing , it has to be dealt with but you have more than enough to deal with

Sorry for your loss.

You've lost your father and couldn't have done more to make sure the children were in school on Monday, despite the bereavement and the travelling. Many wouldn't have and that wouldn't be unreasonable under the circs, imho.

If the funeral is 7 days long and 300 miles away, that's what it is. This is your family's culture and your children's heritage, which is a vital aspect of their identity. To suggest any reason as to why it would not be authorised is religious/cultural discrimination, which is not permitted.

Time away from school for medical reasons in the past isn't relevant for multiple reasons; this person is being a colossal prick. I apologise for that, but I'm not sure if it's possible to be any more insensitive to a grieving family, especially when the parents are trying to navigate absence as conservatively as you appear to be.

I'd be preparing to travel, having told class teachers and sent an email of complaint to the Governors about this individual and the policy itself. If the school has any sense, they will take both in hand and apologise unreservedly.

Take your children and go be with your family. Safe trip.

Should add, as didn’t make clear in previous message, I’d deffo take your DC for the time you planned and deal with the fallout later. You could call in sick for him (the loss of a grandparent is an emotional time), which might avoid any hassle, or stick to saying it’s to attend the funeral.

It’s highly unlikely the school would decide to fine if you make your case via their complaints procedure. As an academy, they may not have to get the local education authority involved. But you could involve them via your local councillor.

And if they still played hardball, I’d find out what happens in reality if you refuse to pay. It’s a lot of hassle to prosecute you for that amount and they may know they wouldn’t win if you pleaded your case. He’s not persistently absent. It’s a one off. My guess is they rely on people paying or write it off. But you’d need to check that out. The local CAB or parents groups may know.

As a Chair of School Governors, I would happily be taking the HT to task if your complaint came to me. This type of jobsworth stuff from school attendance officers make my blood boil. I am so fed up with having to step in because schools cannot act reasonably. Please write to the HT and complain and if the reply is still unreasonable, escalate to the CoG of the school.

Check the schools policies which should be freely available. The absense for surgery has no relevance as that was a medical matter. The school should be sensitive to cultural traditions and bereavement is an absense which should be authorised. You can also contact the local authroity to check their guidelines on this. That is underpinned by a law which you can also check. Put a complaint in to the school. You can also mention discrimination for the lack of respect for cultural traiditions. You can threaten to contact OFSTED. You have a lot of actions you could take. Hopefully an email to the deputy head stating the issue and the policy and treatening OFTSED and involving the board of govenors should lead to a prompt aology, authorisaiton of absense and a some further training for the attedance officer !