Is A wrong or B?

[MotherOfOlafs]

I’ll start by saying I’m neither of these people, but I do know both of them. I’m giving them fake names too.

Ann and Bev are best friends and have been for around 60 years. Ann has never been able to drive but gets about very freely on public transport. Bev has been driving all of her adult life. Bev has always said to Ann if she needs driving anywhere to just call her, Ann has asked for the occasional lift/picking up over the years and it’s been no problem. Ann hasn’t taken liberties with this offer.

Ann went to the garden centre last Saturday on the bus, she wanted to buy some plants but while she was there she saw an ex-display garden parasol and base for a very good price. Ann wanted the items but the garden centre couldn’t deliver them, she bought them anyway. Ann decided to call Bev to pick her and her parasol and base up from the garden centre, about a 15 min drive away from her house. Bev answered and told Ann it wasn’t convenient as she was busy at home. Ann was angry Bev didn’t pick her up and reminded her that Bev said ‘if she ever needed a lift’ etc. Bev hung up the phone and Ann had to call a cab which annoyed her as she never does that usually.

Ann and Bev aren’t talking and they usually would every day. So who would you say is in the wrong and who if anyone should apologise?

Ann needed to have arranged it in advance.

Ann shouldn’t have expected Bev to drop everything and come on demand, Bev is not a taxi service.

I mean..... that's so obvious who's at fault.....

Clearly Bev should always be standing by her front door, car keys in hand just in case Ann needs her. Poor form from her to arrange anything in her own life.

Yes first poster nails it as ever! Taxi should have been ordered by Ann in the first instance I think, she was taking the mick a bit here.

Ann is wrong. You can't just expect short notice lifts without having asked if it's convenient.

A is unreasonable... if anything she should have rung B to see if she was available before committing (with a nice thsnk you like let's have coffee )

Ann is being unreasonable. An open offer of lifts does not mean at the drop of a hat.

Agreed with @Wowzel ...I'd have called prior to buying the parasol so then could make an informed decision based on whether or not the lift was available. Wouldn't have assumed 'call whenever you need a lift' actually means my friend would drop everything and come running instantaneously, unless perhaps it was genuinely an emergency.

So in terms of apologies/moving forward Ann should call Bev and say 'I misunderstood the 'whenever you need a lift' and I'm sorry I presumed that meant you would be able to collect me at short notice. In future I'll ask in advance rather than presume you're always available' and hopefully Bev will say 'I hope this doesn't mean you don't ask in future, I'm very happy to help, but didn't think that would mean I needed to be on call for instant reactions'. Or words to that effect!

Ann is BU

Anne is in the wrong.
Whilst Bev has offered to give an lifts, she probably didn't mean with zero notice or pre planning.
Bev had every right to say no. Anne has no right to get huffy. Anne needs to let it go.

Ann is obviously wrong and has also been exceptionally rude.

I find it very hard to believe you need Mumsnet to tell you who's being unreasonable here. Why did you post?

Is one a paid chauffeur? No, then you know the answer

Hmmm… I wonder. It’s obviously A.

Ann needed to call first and check with Bev if it was possible to have a lift. If it wasn't, she could have asked the garden centre to hold the item, or decided not to buy it until Bev was free to collect it, or to order a taxi for it.

There is no way that Bev can be in the wrong here.

Ann cannot expect someone to instantly leave what they are doing to go and get her and her purchases.

That is not what Bev offers.
Ann could have arranged to collect it at a time reasonable for Bev. But the taxi is the best option.

Ann needs to apologise with flowers for being an arse.

Ann

’if you ever need a lift…’ doesn’t mean at whatever time/whenever.

You really needed to ask?

Ann is very obviously in the wrong. An offer of a lift when you need it doesn't mean Bev is some kind of taxi service and expected to drop everything at a moments notice.

Bev has done nothing wrong.

Ann is wrong and also a bit strange.

You don't get angry with someone when you ask them a favour and they refuse (especially at short notice). You're the one asking the favour!

"If you ever need a lift" doesn't mean "I guarantee to be available instantly at every point in my life from now on."

I’m surprised Ann has friends if she’s always this entitled. Of course she should have called and asked in advance if Bev was available. Then bought her a coffee etc as a thank you, or got a taxi if not available. Ann needs to apologise!

I don't understand how this is even a discussion. Obviously Ann is in the wrong here.

Ann is in the wrong, she can't just expect Bev to drop everything at a moments notice. Maybe she could have asked the garden centre to keep the parasol and stand until Bev could pick them up at a later date. I think Ann should apologise.

Ann can call a proper taxi and still get home with her parasol, understanding that it’s no problem Bev was not available at an instant’s notice.

Bev can come around for mint juleps under the parasol and all is good.

Ann is not unreasonable for asking but she is unreasonable for her reaction to the answer no. Bev is better off without her if she can fall out with someone so easily