Is A wrong or B?

[MotherOfOlafs]

I’ll start by saying I’m neither of these people, but I do know both of them. I’m giving them fake names too.

Ann and Bev are best friends and have been for around 60 years. Ann has never been able to drive but gets about very freely on public transport. Bev has been driving all of her adult life. Bev has always said to Ann if she needs driving anywhere to just call her, Ann has asked for the occasional lift/picking up over the years and it’s been no problem. Ann hasn’t taken liberties with this offer.

Ann went to the garden centre last Saturday on the bus, she wanted to buy some plants but while she was there she saw an ex-display garden parasol and base for a very good price. Ann wanted the items but the garden centre couldn’t deliver them, she bought them anyway. Ann decided to call Bev to pick her and her parasol and base up from the garden centre, about a 15 min drive away from her house. Bev answered and told Ann it wasn’t convenient as she was busy at home. Ann was angry Bev didn’t pick her up and reminded her that Bev said ‘if she ever needed a lift’ etc. Bev hung up the phone and Ann had to call a cab which annoyed her as she never does that usually.

Ann and Bev aren’t talking and they usually would every day. So who would you say is in the wrong and who if anyone should apologise?

Are you actually Bev 😉

I don't get why Ann was angry it's a favour doesn't mean it's expected. Plus she didn't know what Beverly was doing maybe Ann could have said if possible could you pick it up later and left it at garden centre. But no she shouldn't have got angry

Hmm. Not her child but close! I wouldn’t show her, I just wanted to perhaps see how everyone is phrasing ‘you’re being a dick’ instead lol

I agree.

It wasn't wrong to ask but Bev said it wasn't convenient. Nobody can be expected to be available at the drop of a hat. I don't think I would have asked Bev, might have bought the items and asked the garden centre to hang on to them until arrangements were made. However it was nothing urgent and offers like that come up all the time.

It is a great shame that the friendship is spoiled but it isn't irrecoverable, all Ann needs to do is acknowledge she was taking the mick a bit, and apologise. As she doesn't have form, she'll no doubt be forgiven and they'll move on.

Ann IBU.

But maybe there is a back story? Perhaps Ann has spent the past 60 years dropping things when she was busy to help Bev and the first time she asks Bev to reciprocate, Bev is too busy sorting out her sock drawer to help.

Surely the garden centre would be happy to keep the items for a couple of days whilst Ann sorts out getting them delivered?

Ann could then have asked Bev if she might be available to collect them at her convenience.

Ann’s being a dick about this and owes Bev a massive apology for falling out with her. I wonder if Ann is one of those people who can’t admit when they’re wrong and will try to carry on and pretend the argument never happened? If I was Bev, I’d remind her…😂

😂 A lot of people seem to be using that exact phrase!

Ann was very cheeky! She should have just called a cab

Of course Ann is being unreasonable!

As they have been friends for 60 years I wonder if some sort of degenerative decline is affecting Ann’s ability to evaluate the situation. How old are they?

Ann is in the wrong, there's no doubting it.

Ann obviously is. Yeah the offer if a lift isn't at a moments notice.

Ann was wrong - Bev couldn't be expected to drop whatever she was doing and go to pick up Ann and the furniture. Ann should have asked Be before she bought the stuff, OR have bought from somewhere that could deliver.

Ann was in a garden centre. She could have phoned Bev and said "Hey I'd like to buy this parasol, would you be able to pick me up with it? I'll buy you a coffee / slice of cake / whatever takes your fancy in the cafe" and then got a taxi if Bev couldn't make it. And shouldn't have been arsey about it.

I wondered this too.

Is Ann usually considerate, or selfish?
How would Ann react to Bev asking her to do something immediately?
Would you usually expect Ann to rethink something like this to see if she got it wrong?

If this seems unusual behaviour for Ann, perhaps there is something up.
Maybe you could try discussing it with her without suggesting she's being a dick, to get an idea of her mindset.

Bev isn't a taxi

Ann of course. She should have called Bev and seen if she was available, rather than assuming. I don't think there's anyone on earth that is always available at a moments notice.

Ann was angry Bev didn’t pick her up and reminded her that Bev said ‘if she ever needed a lift’ etc

That's an invite to make future requests, not demands.

Ann hasn't called and asked for a lift on Tuesday to go shopping. She's called and demanded a lift right now (it was a demand not request as she'd already bought the item which would mean she HAD to be picked up).

Totally UR by Ann. An invite of future lifts isn't the same as pledging to be always instantly available at any time required.

As someone who can't drive, Ann is a dickhead.

There is no possible chance that anyone is going to think Ann was reasonable, not even on Mumsnet where there's generally an obliging contrarian.

It was very odd to buy the parasol without checking Bev's availibility first. Ime, people who don't drive generally plan so they don't end up stuck.

Anyway, shame to throw away 60 years of friendship. Hopefully Ann regathers enough self awareness to apologise.

Bev is the wrong clearly. Ann is not a personal taxi service.

I don’t think plants are ever easy to get home without a car, and the parasol and base are an additional problem. I don’t think Ann gave much thought to anything to be honest. It might have been ok to ring and ask if by chance Bev was free with car, but if not, accept this gracefully and get a taxi or make arrangements to pick up later. Being not very nice to Bev in any way seems extreme, and rather a trivial way to punish a 60 year friendship. Being unable to cope if you don’t get your own way needs addressing, otherwise friendships and help from others might just dwindle.

I really wanted the twist in this story to be that Bev went and bought the parasol for herself.

I'm going to attempt it.

Bev is clearly being controlled by her DH. I suspect Ann realises this and so is upset that Bev can't get out to the garden centre because of this. Ann is more upset that Bev can't see this and get out from her coercive partner even though he wasn't mentioned at all.

Ann, a lift would be prearranged or if available you can't expect someone to just be available and drop something straight away.