Is A wrong or B?

[MotherOfOlafs]

I’ll start by saying I’m neither of these people, but I do know both of them. I’m giving them fake names too.

Ann and Bev are best friends and have been for around 60 years. Ann has never been able to drive but gets about very freely on public transport. Bev has been driving all of her adult life. Bev has always said to Ann if she needs driving anywhere to just call her, Ann has asked for the occasional lift/picking up over the years and it’s been no problem. Ann hasn’t taken liberties with this offer.

Ann went to the garden centre last Saturday on the bus, she wanted to buy some plants but while she was there she saw an ex-display garden parasol and base for a very good price. Ann wanted the items but the garden centre couldn’t deliver them, she bought them anyway. Ann decided to call Bev to pick her and her parasol and base up from the garden centre, about a 15 min drive away from her house. Bev answered and told Ann it wasn’t convenient as she was busy at home. Ann was angry Bev didn’t pick her up and reminded her that Bev said ‘if she ever needed a lift’ etc. Bev hung up the phone and Ann had to call a cab which annoyed her as she never does that usually.

Ann and Bev aren’t talking and they usually would every day. So who would you say is in the wrong and who if anyone should apologise?

Ann, 100%. The offer of a lift doesn’t mean at the click of Ann’s fingers in any circumstance at all. She should’ve returned to the garden centre to purchase it once Bev was free to help bring it home.

Ann should have called Bev before she decided to buy the items. She can't expect Ann to be on call.

If she'd thought for a moment she could have asked the garden centre if she could pay for the items and pick them up later, either that day or another day and then negotiated a convenient time with Bev.

Ann owes Bev an apology.

Is Ann OK?

Is she usually so unable to see unreasonableness?

Bizarre that you even needed to check. Which makes me suspect you're not a third person

Ann should have called Bev before buying the items, but in the other hand 'busy at home' could Bev have said I'll be a wee while if you want to wait.

If they're very close friends then I don't think Ann phoning an d asking Bev is a problem, but she definitely should have accepted that it wasn't convenient.

Ann is wrong. Bev's offer wasn't "if you ever have an instantaneous impulse that requires immediate access to a car the call me and I will drop whatever I am doing, no matter how important it is, and rush to you" it would be a weird and lopsided relationship if that was the arrangement.

Cars available at a moment's notice are called taxis. Getting a taxi was the right thing to do. Ann has no right to be angry with Bev.

A is in the wrong. A general and generous off of help does not mean that A is entitled to pick up the phone and expect B to drop everything and come, without notice or request. That’s exploiting a kindness

Ann is in the wrong, she shouldn't have assumed Bev was free to pick her up anytime

Agreed

Ann is wrong

Ann is in the wrong, she didn't need the lift because it wasn't essential. You can't ask someone to drop everything for a non-essential purchase.

If Ann had twisted her ankle, I'd think Bev should have helped out.

Ann is wrong. She could easily have called before making the purchase to check Bev's availability.

Bev's standing offer to give Ann a lift obviously isn't 'drop everything for you and dash to your side.'

Ann should have telephoned Bev to see if a lift was possible before going ahead with her impulse buy.

I can see she's frustrated if she doesn't generally ask and it would help her out, but she's clearly unreasonable to be offended by Bev's reply.

Yep, this is my view as well.

There was nothing wrong with Ann ringing up Bev and asking if she could come and give her a lift from the garden centre.

But, Ann is absolutely, off the charts, out of order that she is cross Bev couldn't give her a lift.
Bev is not a taxi service and has the right to say no.

Ann is wrong. Bev is allowed to have a life and not have to drop everything at a moments notice. Ann could have called before buying the parasol to check it was ok to get a lift. You don't throw people's kind offers in their face because you don't get what you want immediately.

Ann at face value, but was Bev arsey about being asked hence Ann reminded her she had said it was ok to ask in the first place? Was there any condescension?

Otherwise, friends for 60 years, is this the first instance of out of character behaviour for Ann?

Ann is so unreasonable it’s almost unbelievable. Of course Bev didn’t mean “and no notice and I guarantee to be available at the drop of a hat”

She meant Ann is free to ask and she’d try to help if she could.

But surely taxi is first port of call rather than last?

Ann is an idiot. Medically speaking.

I didn’t. I wondered if anyone else had differing views. Plus if Ann thinks she’s right what’s to say others don’t think the same?

@MeowCatPleaseMeowBack
I'm guessing OP is Ann's child and is being called out for not being supportive enough. OP can show this thread, and Ann can see everyone else thinks she's being unreasonable; and she might not lose a 60 year friendship over a triviality.

This.

It is reasonable for Ann to ask but she should not expect that Bev is ever available at short notice.

Ann shouldn’t be treating Bev like a taxi service.

anna should have called Bev before purchasing the parasol to see if she was free. If she wasn’t she should have asked if there was a time that was convenient, pay for the parasol and ask the garden centre to hold it until then.

Ann is ungrateful.

This is what I’m trying to work out. Ann has been widowed for many years and because of that her world revolves around her needs/wants which I understand but this attitude often extends to the people in her life too