Is A wrong or B?

[MotherOfOlafs]

I’ll start by saying I’m neither of these people, but I do know both of them. I’m giving them fake names too.

Ann and Bev are best friends and have been for around 60 years. Ann has never been able to drive but gets about very freely on public transport. Bev has been driving all of her adult life. Bev has always said to Ann if she needs driving anywhere to just call her, Ann has asked for the occasional lift/picking up over the years and it’s been no problem. Ann hasn’t taken liberties with this offer.

Ann went to the garden centre last Saturday on the bus, she wanted to buy some plants but while she was there she saw an ex-display garden parasol and base for a very good price. Ann wanted the items but the garden centre couldn’t deliver them, she bought them anyway. Ann decided to call Bev to pick her and her parasol and base up from the garden centre, about a 15 min drive away from her house. Bev answered and told Ann it wasn’t convenient as she was busy at home. Ann was angry Bev didn’t pick her up and reminded her that Bev said ‘if she ever needed a lift’ etc. Bev hung up the phone and Ann had to call a cab which annoyed her as she never does that usually.

Ann and Bev aren’t talking and they usually would every day. So who would you say is in the wrong and who if anyone should apologise?

Surely the garden centre would be happy to keep the items for a couple of days whilst Ann sorts out getting them delivered?

This. Most usually do this, if they don't offer deliveries. Seems like a poor business model not to.

Re your question OP. I'm not sure of the relevance of Ann and Bev's ages - except that I'm assuming there's something more going on, because it seems odd and ridiculous, and very sad for either of them to throw away such a very long friendship over something so small.

Strange for Ann to expect Bev to be available on 15 minutes notice. After 60 years of friendship, it's unusual behaviour.

So I assume there's more to it because surely neither would want to throw away 60 years friendship over something silly like this.

Should have phoned her friend and asked before she went to the till and paid for the items. End of.

Ann should have phoned Bev before purchase to ascertain if a lift was available before she committed to buying: a friendly conversation could have led to it being picked up later (perhaps Ann could have had a cuppa whilst she waited) or another day which wouldn’t have been difficult to arrange with the garden centre.

However, Ann should really know how to take a taxi: it’s a cheaper way to get around than owning and running a car.

Ann also needs to a) rememebr her manners and b) remember that she isn’t a stroppy teenager* who’s parents can’t give her a lift

*of course this statement is not saying that all teens are stroppy or petulant when lifts aren’t readily available…

A discount parasol is not important enough to expect a friend to drop what they're doing and drive you about. At the very least Ann could have phoned Bev before buying it to find out if she could pick her up with it, and then she'd have known that a taxi was part of her choice before buying it.

Ann is a cheeky wee wanker.

It's obvious who you are! Your sister is being very unreasonable. (I don't know you btw, just this sounds like what's going on.)

Ann is treating Bev like staff.

It would have been kind to ask Bev if she fancied a morning at the garden centre with her.

It would have been OK to call Bev from the garden centre and say that she was thinking of buying some things and would she available to pick her up.

But just calling and demanding immediate pick up is unreasonable and getting in a huff is even worse - ever Uber drivers can turn down rides.

I'm not sure it take a unanimous MN post to know that Ann is being a dick for being pissy about

I'm surprised that, in all her years of non-driving, Ann was annoyed at calling a taxi as she "never does that usually"!
Agree with others; Ann could easily have asked the garden centre if they could put the parasol aside up to a date that suits them, then ring Bev to ask if she would be willing to pick it up within that time frame. If both centre and Bev in agreement, fine. If not, get the taxi or leave it. But fall out with Bev? There may be a back story here...

How on earth could Bev possibly be the one in the wrong?

Ann is very hard work.

Ann ses to have taken Bevs offer far too literally. Where its a favour for a non emergency, the implication is always 'if its reasonable / convenient'. The same way, if your neighbour said that you were always welcome to pop round to borrow sugar or whatever, it wouldn't be reasonable to ring on their doorbell at 2am to ask for sugar, or throw a massive strop because the neighbour couldn't spare any at that particular moment

Also is Ann really going to throw away 60 years of friendship for the cost of a taxi?

Would the garden centre have kept (stored) the items until Bev could help collect them?

I’m sure when bev said if you ever need a left she meant because Ann has a hospital appointment in 3 weeks, not because she wants to buy something heavy and bring it home this moment

Ann is being unreasonable. That is not what Bev meant when she told Ann she'd give her a lift if she needed. She should have called Bev to ask before she bought the parasol and if Bev had said no then she should have either left the parasol or ordered a taxi, which is what she did.
Or if she knew she wanted garden stuff she could have asked Bev in advance when might be a convenient time to go to the garden centre, if Bev also needed to go, or was going somewhere nearby.

ANN is a CF!

Did ANN ever actually learn to drive?

ANN should have called a taxi ... full stop!

BEV we are on your side!

#SomePeopleHaveSomeCheek

People get demonstrably more egocentric as they age. They find it more and more difficult to appreciate things from other people’s perspective. Particularly if their world is quite small. The world is viewed from their eyes and understanding. Also more anxious about the unknown (taxis). (And non-drivers very often don’t appreciate the inconvenience of driving on busy roads and car parks etc. )

Maybe this has happened to your friend - she is becoming more egocentric. She can’t help that.

You need to revisit the conversation about lifts. Tell your friend that you need more notice, and even then may sometimes need to rearrange as things are happening in your life too.

Let the dust settle then offer to go somewhere nice for a coffee and discuss.

Ann should have phoned Bev and said I have seen parasol I love. If I bought it would you be able to collect.
Bev could say no then it is Ann's decision to get a taxi or go without.
If this happened Bev may very well have said I am busy now but we could both go down tomorrow.

I also think it is relevant that Ann only called Bev to save money - on the reduced parasol and then the taxi. Because of this if Ann had been given the lift I think Ann should offer Bev to buy coffee and cake as a thanks. Bev's time has value. If someone asked me to drive them 15 mins each way to save them a tenner for example I'd think they were cheeky/selfish - and if they are saving £100 then they can offer a gesture of thanks.

This is different to a lift to a hospital appointment where moral support is required for example where a simple "thank you" is plenty.
^^

Anne is obviously in the wrong here.

I don't think it was awful to call and ask (although maybe a little presumptuous) but the real 'crime' was in Annes reaction to Bev saying no.

I like Bev.
Helps when she can.
Has boundaries when she can't.
Ann could learn alot from Bev.

Just thought I’d say, Ann is a member of my family, not my mum/sister/aunt, not that it matters anyway.

I’m well aware that Ann is in the wrong, but after listening to this story being brought up repeatedly on Sunday (Ann becoming more and more convinced she’s in the right each time), I started to question my own sanity judgements as the whole thing is completely batshit. I thought I’d ask you guys just to confirm what I already knew I suppose!

100% Ann. Bev offered to help out not be a taxi service at a moments notice.
Ann is a CF

Ann should have just called a taxi.