To organise a 40th and not include drinks or food?

[IVFendomum]

I’m organising drinks for my husbands 40th in January. I’ve booked an area in a bar in central London so relatively easy for most of our friends to get to. I have asked some of his close friends from further afield but said no expectation at all.

I’m spending quite a bit on taking him away for a night and I also want to buy him a gift to open. I don’t have much spare cash - am PT at the mo and really feeling the slashed income.

AIBU to not include drinks or food for everyone? Would you be offended? Or is it okay to just organise a get together and book an area and that be enough?

Okay thanks for responses.

In an ideal world I’d have enough money to not worry about this and pay for everyone’s drinks and food all night!

It does sound I need to provide food at least - it won’t be the cocktail sausage type cheapo option as it’s quite a smart bar, it’ll be pretty pricey I think.

Am going to ask DH if he can contribute towards food - and perhaps we can buy enough Prosecco for everyone to have a glass.

Ugh I wish I earned more and didn’t have to worry about this! I would have hosted a party at home but our place isn’t big enough.

It’s a reserved area tho. Not a hey will we be at the nags head on 25th September between 6-9pm if you fancy popping in to see Dh for his birthday and maybe grab a pint.

🤣🤣🤣🤣 this would also be me!

You're organising nothing.

You've basically reserved an area in a bar.

Your invite needs to make that quite clear... "DH and I are going for a few drinks at X Bar if you'd like to join us" rather than "join us to celebrate DH's 40th birthday" which implies you've actually put some effort in and are hosting.

No. A friend for a drink is not the same as specifically inviting on the occasion of a birthday. I think it's strange to provide nothing.

It's exactly that, just with the guarantee people should be able to sit down together if they want to because there's an area booked. No different to your Nag's Head example.

"Getting together for a drink to celebrate XX's birthday, hope you're free" and I would expect to buy my own drink at the bar.

"Please join us in celebrating XX's birthday at London Bar" and I would expect some drinks or food or something.

It's all in how you pitch it. A party means hosting, which means providing something. Getting together at a place for a beer is different.

YABU and exceedingly mean.

I’m not mean I’m broke!

Must be different circles but in ours a private / reserved area is for party which would be at least nibbles and maybe a glass of bubbly took arrival.

I absolutely wouldn’t expect from this that I have to pay for everything and don’t even get one drink. Reserved an area usually comes with a minimum spend and people order bottles for that area!

There's a massive difference between people who are local popping down to the pub to celebrate someone's birthday with a drink - if they're available.

But this.. you're expecting people to pay money to travel to a location in London, which no doubt has very expensive drinks and food and you provide nothing. What are they meant to do - turn up, say 'Hi X, Happy Birthday' - and no doubt buy them a drink or a gift for nothing in return.

It's half assed at best, and I wouldn't think much of your hosting skills. These things are reciprocal despite people saying they're not - they are, you give food and drink - they give their transport costs, company and possibly a gift/drink.

Then don't pretend that you're having a party.

Could you do it somewhere cheaper? Or invite less people?

I'm still annoyed about the 30th that I was invited to and paid for train ticket (couple of hundred miles), gift and hotel to then discover we were paying for our own champagne (served as we arrived) and pizza (pre-ordered so not our own choice). Worse still, every time they filled the wine glasses the wine would run out just as it got to me! I did complain about that once I realised we were all paying for our own. I'd have been a loss less annoyed if it had been made clear upfront, although I'm not sure I would have made all that effort for what was essentially a meal out, rather than a one off event.

Then don’t host and invite people! Honestly just cheeky and a bit rude

Then don't do it. We've all been broke, it happens! Maybe just organise something for another time when you can afford to..
Although I did notice that you have decided to provide something.

I suppose it's no different to asking friends to join you for a meal out on a special birthday, as people pay for their own food there. Birthday person may get a free drink or cocktail bought by a friend, that sort of thing.

Make it clear that it's not a party but a night out at the pub. You won't need fancy invites for that either I suppose, just a group text of who's going to join you.

Just thinking back to how I did my 40th, I had dinner out with work friends, ams they all paid for their own meal.

An evening buffet meal with non work friends with a quiz in the middle based on nostalgia. Food mostly provided by us, but people were also free to bring something if they wanted to.

Both groups of friends seem to enjoy the respective events.

This
people are going to be getting dressed up and paying money for ubers ….paying central London prices for the bar…,,and you aren’t even providing nibbles…..very tight …..better not to do it at all ….or just go out the 2 of you and spend what you can afford

Would it not be cheaper to rent say a village hall do a byo and lay out a cheap buffet with a sound system connected to a play list on your on a budget and house is too small. Ballon’s on tables bubbles and shit like a retro party.

Surely you’re still paying to reserve the area.

If you're broke you don't arrange something and expect other people to pay for you to 'host' a celebration.

What you're planning isn't a party, it's a regular night out at a bar, and yes, it looks embarrassingly tight to try to pass it off as a birthday party if you'renot providing food or drinks.

If you can't afford a party at a venue, then surely it's better to invite people to your place and put on some drinks and canapés (bought in or homemade depending on budget). People will still get to see your DH for his birthday and have a good time with him, no? And that way, you're not pushing the cost of the event onto guests. You can't afford the kind of party you want, so you can't expect to have it on someone else's dime.

Sounds like maybe it would be a good idea to change it to a cheaper venue? That way everyone attending pays less, and you can afford to provide some food and drinks too.

If my friend said she'd reserved an area of a bar for her husband's birthday then i would think she'd reserved an area of the bar. I would not expect anything else. OP says it's easy for their friends to get to and there's no expectation on those who might need to travel.

if you’re skint, why have you booked a pricey bar? Book somewhere cheaper with a more affordable menu so you can afford to provide food. Seems really obvious.
i would expect to buy my own drinks but would think it weird and honestly a bit tight if there was no food provided.