Have recently started dating a coworker I have known for a few years. We socialised often on work nights but the few weeks we have been dating, it has mainly consisted of us having either cinema date nights (where we tend to take it in turns to pay, based on who can access a discount through their phone provider rewards scheme on that particular night) or cooking for each other and having a cosy night in at our respective homes. We haven’t really been eating out much or going for coffee - we don’t work in a particularly high-paying field.
Anyway, he has close friend who he often meets for coffee - just to clarify I have no issue with him having a female friend. She’s one of the only people who he is able to speak his mother tongue with on a regular basis and they both have no family in this country, so they having a sibling dynamic. She has a young baby so coffee shops are an ideal meet-up space for them.
He recently wanted to introduce us so invited me to their weekly coffee meet-up, I was happy to go. He bought the first round of drinks and mentioned that it was his turn because she had bought them last time - makes sense. When the 2 of them met up, they both had a coffee and I just had a water. We did small-talk in English. It got a bit awkward after a few minutes because he said something that upset her (he questioned a parenting choice she had made - leaving the baby with a mutual friend for 2 days who is apparently known to be flaky, and she got offended) and then they switched to their own language to have the argument. There was some back and forth for about 20 minutes so I just went on my phone.
Eventually they 'made up' and we decided to get another drink. We all fancied something different so went up to have a look at the menu. They were both expecting me to pay for this round in hindsight, but I didn’t clock on to this. I understand he had paid for the last round, but I wasn’t present last time they met up when she paid, so I didn’t realise there were expectations of me. For some reason I just had it in my head that he would pay, since he had bought me to meet his friend. I was the “guest” in a long-standing tradition, so I didn’t feel obligated to pay, it didn’t occur to me. I also think that being excluded from so much conversation felt quite rude to me and made me less inclined to step up and buy her a coffee. Though I did feel cheeky letting him buy another one for me, especially since I fancied one of the £££ artsy-fartsy frappe drinks, so I got my phone out and said “I’ll get mine”. I got daggers from the both of them and he said “You don’t buy a coffee just for yourself! Forget it, I’ll get them!”. I did wonder if I should offer to pay for me and him, but then that would’ve felt awkward too because it would've made her feel like the 3rd wheel. Anyway, he paid and we went back to sit down.
There was still a bit of post-argument tension between the two of them and now they both seemed irritated at me too, so we all finished our drinks quickly in relative silence and parted ways with her.
As he drove me back to my flat, he said I had been rude to her and him with the coffee-buying situation and apparently when I nipped to the toilet as we were leaving, she told him she felt like I didn’t like her because of it. She also said I seemed disinterested in her 6 month old baby because I didn’t coo or ask to hold - I love babies but I didn’t really acknowledge the baby too much on this occasion as it felt inappropriate on my first time meeting the mum. I defended myself and he said he won’t bother introducing me to his friends next time and that I seem disinterested in his life. He hasn’t messaged me since, this was all on Sunday. I really liked him and I thought we had the same life goals. I’d hate for it to end over something as trivial as this.
So, MN, was I cheeky? Should I have offered to buy them both a coffee? Or was my offer to buy my own coffee enough?
Also because I know somebody is going to ask (my own friends questioned it and took some convincing otherwise, and I shared the exact same facts I have done in this post) - no, my boyfriend isn’t secretly the father of her child. Won’t get too much into this as it’s not my place but looking at the child it is physically impossible for the child to be the product of my boyfriend and this woman, - there is no question, it’s a race thing. And they really do have a brother-sister dynamic, so this isn’t about jealousy.