Who is BU? Kids had noro, their dad is refusing to take them to school

[biohazardservant]

I'll try to keep it brief -

Kids came down with noro on Thur-sat. No symptoms since late sat evening.

One child puked on me. I'm now having noro symptoms and am physically too unwell to take them to school in the morning due to vomiting.

Their dad and I don't live together. He has a new baby with his new girlfriend. He's refusing point blank to take the kids to school in case the baby catches it and won't listen when I say the kids are now absolutely fine.

School is saying they must go in tomorrow if they're no longer ill.

I don't have anyone else to ask.

Genuinely can't tell if I'm BU at the moment or if he is.

Agreed. It’s rubbish but I wouldn’t risk exposing a newborn to noro.

Unfortunately their father, who has parental responsibility, is refusing to take them.

Surely it's because he has parental responsibility (to a newborn) that he's refusing to take them?

Norovirus.

In the words of Dr House MD, it just ain’t noro unless it’s coming out of both ends.

There's an excellent chance the school will put in place attendance procedures resulting in fines.

Breastfed babies can get noro, what are you on about?

Arguably it's worse if they do, because their mum will invariably have it too but have to keep feeding through unless they take a bottle. At least with formula someone else can take over for the 12 hours the mum can't leave the bathroom.

You're being completely unreasonable.

I had norovirus after having BOTH of my children, the first when she was only 6 weeks old, the second, she was about 8 weeks old. It was horrific. Trying to breastfeed babies while I'm pissing water out of my ass and throwing up at the same time was awful. If I'd have had children in school, they wouldn't have been going in.

Why on earth did you tell the school they were better? You need to be firm with the school, that you have norovirus and have no way of getting them to school, and that you are happy to have a staff member come collect them if they are so adamant that they attend tomorrow. OR tell the school that they've been sick again, so are still ill.

It's not safe for you to drive with norovirus, you'll put your children and strangers at risk if you drive in that state.

Stand up to the school. Norovirus is highly contagious. Your husband is not being unreasonable over this.

Probably because everyone is being overly squeamish about the prospect of a tiny baby contracting noro. Whereas of course the dad should accept the baby's potential hospitalisation and/or death as a fair trade for ensuring that the older kids don't miss out on the chance to infect their teachers and classmates.

I suspect endangering tiny babies is viewed a bit like kicking puppies and kittens on here - i.e. not very popular.

It's much better for babies if they are breastfed when it comes to norovirus. Sure, it's really hard for mum breastfeeding when she has norovirus (I've been there twice), BUT the antibodies the baby gets from the mum are invaluable.

Formula fed babies often end up in hospital if they contract noro, because they don't get the antibodies from mum to fight it.

To be fair you can be contagious for a couple of weeks . So I understand he may be worried about his newborn getting sick.
But also that you feel under pressure to get the kids to school.
But they are in primary school and they will have to just understand that you are physically to sick to take them.
Call in the morning and say if they want to send a teacher to collect them they can. But you can't drive and be sick it's dangerous.
They only worry about attendance for ofsted. Not that sometimes life is just not that simple.

Let them, I'm sure the magistrate will be thrilled to hear her case that they couldn't attend due to a highly contagious virus.

Oh I know, antibodies and all that. But the idea that it's totally fine for a breastfed baby to get noro is just wrong, and (as with so many statements about breastfeeding!) completely ignores the woman attached to the food supply.

Fair play to you for surviving that, and twice. I managed to dodge it while breastfeeding (thanks covid) but had it when pregnant and it was awful.

That would be unfortunate, as the risk to the baby would be high. It is not the case here though.

@biohazardservant Bet his latest babymommy is giving him grief about catching norovirus.

Hope you feel better soon- your ex sounds a Kay-nob.

Absolutely true.
I had it in Spring, and had to carry a bucket while taking the dog out into the garden for a wee.
Even feeding her, the smell of the food {normally fine} set me off puking.

Surely a school doesn't want children who are infectious in the school- Norovirus is so grim.

Schools only seem to care about attendance figures these days. It really infuriates me that they demand encourage parents to send unwell children into school. Some schools even contradict NHS guidelines and demand that children are sent in 24hrs after D&V. It's horrible.

Have the kids got bad attendance records because otherwise, why wouldn't you just tell the school they're not ready to be back? They don't know!

I think for me it's the way he abnegated all responsibility for his children, and didn't attempt apparently to find another option to get them to school - while his ex is as sick as a dog minding their kids!

Tbf I wouldn't rely on antibodies either. My GP told me that my 11 week old baby wouldn't contract chicken pox because of my immunities and the antibodies in my breastmilk... she was wrong!

Don't send them in OP and don't feel bad about school. The teachers probably don't want them in infecting everyone else either, they're just forced to chase up nonattendance because it's one of those things that get monitored and they have to follow their process. If they say it's not authorised just say you understand and there's nothing you can do about it. Or if you think they're still in the infectious period or not feeling well enough say that.

I don't think it will harm your children to have another couple of days off school, they are still very young. Though the symptoms of norovirus usually only last two days, people will not be properly well until after six days or so.

Given the circumstances, your illness and their dad not wanting to risk infection, I am pretty sure you would not be fined, op. That would be too mean for words, you have sound reasons.

I do hope you are all better and back to normal soon. Take good care of yourselves and good luck.

Pack them off in a taxi. If the driver is funny about it, get in said taxi with the kids, you don't have to be dressed or even washed. Bring a leak proof sick bag.

I've had to do this in the past. It's horrible but it was the only way to get ds to school, and he was absolutely fine, so really didn't need to stay off. And while the taxi ride was unpleasant, the quiet house was worth it

Of course it sucks. But that's how the cookie crumbles. Lots of men get away with taking very little responsibility for their kids. Women are too often the default parents who get all the shit (literal and figurative) to deal with. I'm sure the OP isn't wrong that generally speaking he should step up, even if SIBU in this particular situation.

Dunno, but the OP needs some sort of long-term solution to cover this kind of thing. What happens if her car breaks down?

And risk infecting the taxi driver?

I know, some men are just a walking disgrace! Though why you'd expect a man who wouldn't contribute to his kids' school shoes to step up in any way...

@biohazardservant I hope you all feel better soon x