Who is BU? Kids had noro, their dad is refusing to take them to school

[biohazardservant]

I'll try to keep it brief -

Kids came down with noro on Thur-sat. No symptoms since late sat evening.

One child puked on me. I'm now having noro symptoms and am physically too unwell to take them to school in the morning due to vomiting.

Their dad and I don't live together. He has a new baby with his new girlfriend. He's refusing point blank to take the kids to school in case the baby catches it and won't listen when I say the kids are now absolutely fine.

School is saying they must go in tomorrow if they're no longer ill.

I don't have anyone else to ask.

Genuinely can't tell if I'm BU at the moment or if he is.

I'm with your husband. I wouldn't risk it for the tiniest chance where a newborn is concerned. You should know better.

"Dear School

Yes the children are well enough to attend, however I now have Noro and am too unwell to get them there. Unfortunately their father, who has parental responsibility, is refusing to take them. Please direct any further correspondence regarding this to him. I have no other support network that can help me with this. I will of course get them into school as soon as I am physically able and will update you as to when this will be."

He is dead right not taking that risk with a newborn.

YES!

I can totally see his point of view. I had horrendous norovirus and ended up so poorly. I never ever want that again. I ended up being rushed to hospital after seeing my GP with suspected sepsis. I couldnt even sit up in the waiting room so I wouldn’t want to expose a newborn.

I would either attempt the drive or explain to school you physically cannot get the children in.

hope you feel better soon x

Noro is very contagious and there is evidence it can live on surfaces. Even if your kids have had it, they could still have it on their hands or clothes if they have touched something you have touched. If this gets onto dad it could make him sick or other people that touch things he then touches sick. Given it can be dangerous for infants, there needs to either be a 48 hour window between anyone in your house being sick and the kids seeing their dad, or a 48 window between the kids seeing their dad and him going back to a house with a baby. Just keep the kids home tomorrow, if school make a fuss just say you had no-one to take them. After all some single parents are no contact with the other parent or widows, school couldn't expect you to take the kids then.

If you really can’t just do it then call a taxi company and get them in after the taxis have done the usual school run service. They’ll probably be around 20 minutes/ half an hour late but they’ll get there.

Interesting that you ex is getting praise for prioritising his new family. Generally on MN this is a no-no so not sure why he's getting so much support?

He can drive them there with the windows open he’s a k*

Sorry if I've missed someone saying this upthread, but wouldn't the obvious thing be to tell school that they're still ill? They should be off anyway, for 48 hours after their last bout of v or d, to avoid spreading it.

You are not unreasonable that you can't take them in.

Your ex isn't unreasonable that he doesn't want to risk the health of a little baby (it's not the baby's fault he's a twat, after all).

The school are unreasonable. However, there's no point arguing, so just tell a white lie.

Because if they are sick in school - they will get sent home and I'm assuming he wont' collect them he would expect you to.

Why did you contact the school and say they were fine - how would they have known if you had not told them.

I've had Norovirus, I ended up in hospital on a drip. It is a serious disease, highly contagious and I would not wish it upon a family with a young baby. YABU.

Because usually the deadbeats excuse is shit but not wanting to risk a newborn babys life is understandable

That's disgusting and so disrespectful I'd hate them forever.
Glad you and your lo were ok it's a horrible thing to have.

Mumsnet aren’t monsters - no one wants to see a new baby, or the mother of a new baby, exposed to norovirus if it can be helped.

Honestly yes I'm not sure what all this panic over fines is about. The fines are for UNAUTHORISED absences. Just phone the school and say they're still sick. What kind of school actually wants sick kids in spreading Norovirus?

DS often has a relapse after norovirus and is sick again as he starts eating too much ( dairy). Just tell school they were sick again after having pizza for dinner.

So, during the day today, before they have been symptom free for 48 hours, the school is "on your case"... pull the other one.

I'm with the dad on this one. I wouldn't want to be near anyone with noro in any event and least of all if I had a new baby at home. Sorry.

@Leah5678 I was just thinking the same thing. The very mention of noro would put the fear of god into them they wouldn't want them there.

I think it's fair enough, he can't risk giving that bug to a new baby. He's right, it isn't on. Getting the kids to school doesn't have to involve him - is there any other local parent they could get a lift with? He has tbf offered to bring them home if they are clearly ok.

Dear god, the hysteria over school attendance. Shite dad aside, the school can insist all they want, but if you aren’t well enough to drive them in, then they can’t go, can they? Ask them what they propose. If the school cares that much they can come and collect them. Or they can mark the absence unauthorised, and, honestly, the sky won’t fall in. You won’t get a fine unless it’s 10 unauthorised sessions (5 days) in a row, and even then, it’s not automatic, they only have to consider a fine. Seriously, schools can throw their weight around and threaten all they like, but sometimes shit - literally - happens. If you’re not well enough to drive them there, and their dad won’t, then they can’t go in.

😂 me too. Hopefully he isn’t doing homework with his children!

There’s no way I’d want to expose a new baby to noro, so I can sort of understand where he’s coming from. That said, these kids already existed and he shouldn’t just say “can’t” when something’s needed. He should be helping you sort out a way of getting them there.

in your position, Id put a waterproof covering of some sort (eg mattress protector, puppy pad, whatever you have) over your car seat and get a sick bowl next to you on the passenger seat and just drive them yourself.

youll probably have puked everything up by then, if you shit yourself the covering will catch it. Your kids will be fine at school and therefore ex will collect them and take them, leaving you to recover.

Exactly. Yes, the kids themselves are symptom-free but they are still coming from a house where there's an 'active virus', which they could have on them and transfer in/onto the car that the dad, new wife and new baby will later be travelling in. Personally, I think he's wise to try and limit contamination.
To be honest, if more people were this mindful, noro and the like might not be as virulent.

To be honest I think he has a point. I wouldn't want a little baby getting the sickness bug either, it's dangerous.

Either they have one more day off or you drag yourself in to drop them off. You have a full 12 hours yet, a lot changes.