Who is BU? Kids had noro, their dad is refusing to take them to school

[biohazardservant]

I'll try to keep it brief -

Kids came down with noro on Thur-sat. No symptoms since late sat evening.

One child puked on me. I'm now having noro symptoms and am physically too unwell to take them to school in the morning due to vomiting.

Their dad and I don't live together. He has a new baby with his new girlfriend. He's refusing point blank to take the kids to school in case the baby catches it and won't listen when I say the kids are now absolutely fine.

School is saying they must go in tomorrow if they're no longer ill.

I don't have anyone else to ask.

Genuinely can't tell if I'm BU at the moment or if he is.

The school are probably only sending the messages to prove that they have done their bit to get the kids in. the fact is that no member of staff will want them driven in by someone carrying active virus spores into school, but OFTSED will just want to tick the box that they are doing all they are required to do in order to get the kids in.

Ridiculous, but probably what it is all about.

Further to my previous post, I found this online:

"People infected with norovirus are contagious from the moment they begin feeling ill to at least 3 days after recovery. Some people may be contagious for as long as 2 weeks after recovery."

I think the school is unreasonable to say your kids must be back at school so quickly, even though children tend to bounce back more quickly than adults. However they only said it, can't insist.

He could take them and isolate from the newborn. I had to do something similar when youngest got it at school. She and i separated from everyone else and it worked. I got ill but no one else did.

I didn't have a choice because I wasn't a part time "new family matters more" parent.

Eta....thinking more, if he has parental responsibility, why isn't he getting hassled by the school? The op can't opt out so why the hell can he?

The standard guidance schools use is 48 hours after last symptoms, the last hospital I worked at due to staffing this was reduced to 24 hours; pure fantasy that the majority take longer than this off of school or work.

Bollocks.

My niece had noro as a 4 month old exclusive breastfed baby. She ended up in hospital for over a week and we are flipping lucky she survived.

If they have been fine since Saturday night then they should be in today and the risk to their dad and his baby will be miniscule IMO

call the school and explain. Or send them the screenshot. Not saying I think they should but I heard stories of schools picking kids up during Covid when parents were ill and kids had recovered

he does sound like an unhelpful twat.

.

I think your only option is to call the school and explain the situation.

He won't take them and your family and friends can't help due to distance or work commitments, so that really is the only option.

FWIW I'm a teacher and we are very understanding in this sort of situation. Lots of us are single parents too and have the same difficulties when we are unwell. The only way we'd be 'chasing' is if your kids had terrible attendance and there was a history of missing school for spurious reasons because then it has the potential to be a safeguarding issue.

It is very annoying that the school is taking this response.
With sickness bug you are meant to stay of school 48-72 hours after the last time you had symptoms.
This is to reduce spread. If I was a parent at your school and found out they were pressuring families to send in children before the quarantine time had passed I would be very very pissed off. All this achieves is risks staff, pupils and their families unnecessarily.

If I was your ex I would.not be risking both households becoming ill for no reason.
If the other parent deteriorated and needed hospital that would.be different but while the children can be taken care of there is little point spreading illness

OP hasnt been back

Posters are saying the schools 'response' is annoying or unreasaonble

I dont believe for one second the school has made any response to the OP, its highly unlikely there has been any 'insistence' that the children returned yesterday or even today.

OP has been unreasonable, hasnt liked it, has overegged what the school might say and now wont return.

Some might, but this is not true for all schools. I doubt that any school would be insisting for kids who have recently had noro to be coming into school before the 48 hour rule , and even after the 48 hours if they are still unwell, I doubt they would be insisting this. Unless OPs kids have a history of poor attendance which is why she's apparently getting a hard time from them, I don't see why they would he difficiult about this.

The 48 hours has passed and the children have been well since Saturday. The school don't necessarily know this, but there's no reason they can't be back at school aside from them not being able to get there. Plenty of precautions their dad could take which would mean OP could also get some rest to recover whilst they're at school, they're going to not see very much of him once the winter bugs and viruses kick in if he can't even face having them in the back of his car for 10 minutes to take them to school.

I agree.
I think the OP is really cross with her ex who has started a family with someone else and dramatised the school response so we would all slag him off.

While I think he is right to try to protect his baby, his attitude in the text wasn't great or helpful.

But I think there is probably more to the whole story than we were told.

I'm a single mum and was in this situation once where I couldn't physically take my DD to school. Pastoral care came and picked her up! At the end of the day if you are too sick to take them, you can't take them. Direct school to speak to their father rather than you.

If at all possible I highly recommend vomiting through the school office. It is the school being unreasonable here.

It’s reasonable and sensible to not want to expose an infant to a highly contagious illness.

You don’t know that your children aren’t contagious. You also don’t know that they won’t your illness into their dad. You want them to not be, which is not the same thing.

Norovirus is the most common cause of stomach bugs in adults (according to the nhs).

It's also not always horrific. You can have noro and only vomit once or twice.

So if you have any kind of stomach bug as an adult, noro is a reasonable guess.
In children, rotavirus is more common, but less likely to be affecting OP this badly.

www.nhsinform.scot/illnesses-and-conditions/stomach-liver-and-gastrointestinal-tract/gastroenteritis/

What if the new baby was living in the same house?

But it isn't. You may as well say "what if the dad wasn't around at all, then OP would just have to manage".

Neither of those what ifs are relevant. You can only deal with the situation you're in.

You're saying that parental responsibility to a new child trumps all existing responsibility to other existing children. Those poor children.

Baby’s already been exposed as kids stayed over Weds and Thurs. And he is picking them up after school today.

He’s being an arse.

OP, I would never help the twat again.

I get he is worried about his new baby but seriously putting them i the back of the car and no physical contact is not going to be that much of a risk.
His new partner is definitely pulling his strings - will be interesting to see when they are allowed back in his house to see their new sibling

Ok, let's not blame the new partner here with literally no evidence that it's anything to do with her.

Sorry but he has a point, the kids may not be ill anymore but they are in the house with you, who currently has symptoms, therefore you are still contagious. That means the kids can spread the germs from you to him/his baby.

He is not in the wrong for protecting his young baby from a horrible bug. Ask a family friend to help or just lets the kids have a couple days off school for sickness 🤷🏻‍♀️

I "haven't been back" because I had two kids to get to school and have been puking my guts up for most of the night. But sorry for not meeting your requirements for an update.

He's never taken them to school, any sort of appointment or even bothered to turn up at the school plays, parents evenings or anything like.

The kids caught it from his mum who he's still visiting on a daily basis. He's using the baby as an excuse not to do anything with his kids like normal.

We’re talking about a guy who won’t pay a penny more than the legal minimum of maintenance (if he pays that). He wouldn’t even contribute to school clothing costs. Yet you think the new partner is the problem?

He might be around and alive and all that, but he is clearly useless. You’re a single parent. You just have to learn to get on with it. I know, it’s hard. Nothing anyone says makes it better. But it’s your life so get on with it.

Honestly, it’s a lot worse when you get yourself angry about him not helping and tie yourself up in knots trying to convince him to step up. Just put him aside and get on with things. Unfortunately you still have to make them available for contact and all of that, but for everything else, just pretend he doesn’t exist.