To think parents nowadays are just weak

[Alberta56]

Not sure is it just me but I feel like most parents are just soft and incapabble to discipline their own kids. I constantly see topics here and not only about small kids doing what they want - screaming, tantrums, wanting stuff and parents are just so helpless. When I go on the tube kids screaming putting their dirty feet on the seats. At home kids not wanting to eat and parents act like they own a restaurant immediately cooking something else. What's wrong with saying NO, or ""keep quiet" or " you eat whats available or "you go and play alone while mommy reads a book for 1 h". Why are parents constantly trying to keep kids entertained and spend a fortune on stupid activities. Worst thing is that I see young colleagues 18/ 19 years old coming to work and are just incapable of being a human - constantly late, all the time have to think about their feelings and emotions can't even complain to HR when they're not doing their job properly....I just don't get it really. I'm about to be a mom myself and if I need i will discipline my kid with firm approach non of that " let them express themselves" cr@p.

So you're not a parent yet then?

Jolly good.

Come back when you are actually a parent. I have two children. The oldest we have never had challenging behaviour from, the youngest has ASD with a PDA profile and can be extremely challenging. With our youngest our motto is very much pick your battles!

Do let us know if you manage to read for an hour while your child entertains themselves.

One generation complaining about how the next generation is weaker, less disciplined, badly behaved, and poorly parented is a phenomenon that goes back millennia. It's not that each successive generation is markedly worse than the last, it's more that your viewpoint changes as you get older.

You judge what your own generation was like as children from your viewpoint of the child you were at the time. You judge the next generation from your viewpoint as an adult. It's different.

Pretty much nail on the head. I had BIG ideas about the kind of parent i would be, but fast forward 6 years (I know, still lots to learn) and I find it so much easier to work with my children than to rally against them. I've learned so much about the kind of atmosphere I want in the house, the way I want my 'team' to operate and the kind of adults I'm hopefully helping develop. We definitely have more massive emotional fallouts than I remember getting away with, but the bit which is making it completely worthwhile in my opinion is that at school/preschool their teachers/caregivers keep feeding back to me that they are two of the most emotionally intelligent kids they know. Rather than screaming my 3 year old can say 'I'm feeling frustrated, I need some space' or maybe say 'I've got angry energy! I want to throw something!'...so her key worker takes her outside and they chuck some beanbag balls. My 5 year old can say 'I'm feeling a bit nervous about school, it's making my body feel fizzy, can I go and work out my energy for a minute?'...and so we do some laps of the playground before going into class. Maybe some people would call that precocious, but I'd prefer it to screaming and I'd prefer both to suppressing emotions like I did so you potentially end up self harming by 8 and in therapy in early adulthood. Sure there won't always be times when it's appropriate to get the emotion out there and then, we'll work on time and place at some point, but right now they astound me with how intune they are with themselves! And that's come from learning about child development and working with the kids rather than against them. Definitely not the parent I thought I'd be 😂

Good luck with the little one OP, I hope they and you surprise you with how much you learn and grow together over the years. It's a wild ride. Some of the highest highs and lowest lows I've experienced. Definitely don't make sweeping parenting statements anymore, got that t shirt in multiple sizes!

"The children now love luxury; they have bad manners, contempt for authority; they show disrespect for elders and love chatter in place of exercise. Children are now tyrants, not the servants of their households."

Socrates, about 2,500 years ago.

It's an age-old problem, OP, and just a sign you're becoming intolerant of societal norms/a grumpy old sod!

Fully agree with you op.

I wasn't allowed to just scream anywhere.

I'm 38 so not extremely old and corporal punishment wasn't a thing in my day so I'm not suggesting that (though I would get a smack of the cold hard rubber from the bottom of my mother's slipper if I was acting up🤣)

If I'd have expected my parents to get up and make me a new meal or give me toast after declaring I'm not eating what was made...I would have been laughed at 🤣 It was dinner or nothing.

I've worked with children and young people for almost 20 years now and I've seen it happen over the years, I've seen the change. Many cannot entertain themselves or regulate themselves they way they should for their age.

Hahahahah good luck, everyone thinks they are the perfect parent until they become a parent.

Tell me you’re not a parent without telling me your not a parent 😂

i hope you’re perfect and so are your future kids ☺️

😂😂😂

We were all perfect parents before we actually had kids.

A lot of people learn parenting from the way that they were raised themselves and the areas that they grew up in. Some parents are crap. Some are great. Parents are also being blasted with a million contradicting "this is how you should parent" articles, posts, tik toks, books and it makes everything so confusing. Add that to the chaos that was covid, the cost of living, how much less safe today's society is etc - it's hard, it's exhausting and most people are just doing their best. No one realises what it's like raising a child well every day until you're actually in the trenches. Maybe if everyone was a little kinder and a bit more community orientated there would be some improvement.

Authoritative parenting, SEN, aside produces the most happy, productive. successful & well rounded young adults IMO & IME. NB: not authoritarian.

THIS

The cop out comment! I don't think that's suggested at all, anyone who can see no other option should drop the children off on social services doorstep tomorrow.

Completely agree @Alberta56

I too was a much more confident, firmer and all around better parent before my children were born

This!

It often depends on the dc.
My first was a dream in terms of eating and sleeping. He was placid and malleable.
Dd was like wreckit Ralph. She would wake up screaming to be bf and it would take 10 minutes to calm her enough to suckle, she hardly ate or drank, threw herself on the floor in temper, broke all the beautiful toys I’d kept from ds.

Any smugness at how ds behaved was soon gone when I took dd out.

However I do think a lot of dp’s seem to be scared of upsetting their dc and don’t have good boundaries.
Both of my dc were taken away from public places if they misbehaved. Dh would take them outside and talk to them quietly, they weren’t allowed back unless they listened and acted appropriately.

Exactly this 😂 everyone is SUCH a perfect parent until they actually have children.

Have you considered what your plans are if you have a child with Autism, PDA, ADHD - a combination of any of those things?

Because telling them to be quiet, or go away while you read a book, will not work.

Not asking in an unkind way, just definitely worth giving some thought because you may end up with a child who a) doesn’t recognise boundaries or b) does, but can’t be easily convinced to care about them.

I'm just imagining the utter comedy that would ensure if I told my two year old to go and play while I read a book for an hour 😂. He's actually very good at please, thank you, excuse me etc. and we are pretty strict with him as parents go (both teachers).

I bet you will be the parent in ten years' time complaining to the school that they have dared to criticize your perfect child.

I think you are right and I agree with you, but you don't have a leg to stand on as you are not a parent. When you are finally a parent for a length of time (say 5 years - for argument's sake) then you will have a right to an opinion which is valid. Until then, you need to know that your opinions are not worth the paper they are written on.

🤣🤣🤣

I think we were all better parents at that point! 🤣🤣

OP I think you’re going to get a shock once you’re actually a parent!

Where did you get that from, the OP never said any such thing, I seems you are having a tough time and are feeling stressed I would guess.

We’re all perfect parents before we have kids.

A lot of people learn parenting from the way that they were raised themselves and the areas that they grew up in.

A lot of people are also trying to raise their children differently from how they were raised and over-correcting.