To think parents nowadays are just weak

[Alberta56]

Not sure is it just me but I feel like most parents are just soft and incapabble to discipline their own kids. I constantly see topics here and not only about small kids doing what they want - screaming, tantrums, wanting stuff and parents are just so helpless. When I go on the tube kids screaming putting their dirty feet on the seats. At home kids not wanting to eat and parents act like they own a restaurant immediately cooking something else. What's wrong with saying NO, or ""keep quiet" or " you eat whats available or "you go and play alone while mommy reads a book for 1 h". Why are parents constantly trying to keep kids entertained and spend a fortune on stupid activities. Worst thing is that I see young colleagues 18/ 19 years old coming to work and are just incapable of being a human - constantly late, all the time have to think about their feelings and emotions can't even complain to HR when they're not doing their job properly....I just don't get it really. I'm about to be a mom myself and if I need i will discipline my kid with firm approach non of that " let them express themselves" cr@p.

@Blossomtoes
I think this thread really does show why dc cannot concentrate or play creatively. Cannot say I left mine to paint but they did dressing up, various pretend play, eg cooking, and could play with building toys and similar without me. I had a sofa in the play area at the end of the kitchen. I happily relaxed on it with a cup of tea. My DD1 talked a lot. Now a barrister. She always wanted stories too and lots of music. Yes, it’s a while ago but I don’t remember playing all day with dc and I got dinner and they played.

Thank you,! I'm a soft mum with firm rules. I live my kids to bits but no always means no and they always know their boundaries. It frustrates me that their education is constantly interrupted by kids with lax parents who let them do what they want and kick off if school disciplines them

Why is it ridiculous? If a child is happily painting and not making too much of a mess, why does he need a parent hovering over him the whole time? She clearly said she could see him, just that he didn’t need constant intervention. That’s totally normal.

What you’re advocating is called ‘helicopter parenting’ and it’s unfortunately very common. It’s also one of the reasons this generation has so little confidence and resilience.

Exactly this. The parents on this thread who find this unbelievable are exactly the ones whose kids expect constant entertainment — because that’s what they’re given. (I’d also be willing to bet most of them only have one child.)

2-year-olds do not need your undivided attention every minute of the day.

Go and play for an hour while rest a book? 😂😂😂😂😂 I can’t even go for a poo in peace and my kids are pretty chill

most people are just trying to do their best without fucking up their kids forever

a crumbly cookie is going to be the least of your problems

Just tell them no, you cannot come, when you go to the loo and shut the door or stair gate. They will be fine. You don’t have to be followed! We had one accident with black treacle (nanny in charge) but otherwise a crumbly biscuit was about it.I supervised felt tip pens and any paint. Didn’t give snacks. Meals at the table.

I think there is some truth to your observation OP.

Despite what many responses are saying - that it will be different when you have kids - there seems to have been a real decline in the ability of many parents to set appropriate boundaries for their kids. People had kids 50 years ago and struggled less.

Some of it seems to me to be more about the collective. Setting boundaries doesn't work so well when it's just at home. It needs to be backed up at school, nursery, and even in the general public. Maybe random adults in a shop won't be talking to your kids, but it can be really hard to discipline your own kids in public when it feels like others will judge you for it.

A lot of parents also have been told they can't do so many things. It's not just corporal punishment, it's no yelling, no time out, no taking away beloved toys - they don't really know what to do.

Why would you need fast reflexes? What do you think is going to happen?

No one gives toddlers turpentine and oils. (Though my grandmother gave me a set when I was 10, which I used alone in my room.)

Those were the days when 6 year olds weren't struggling to use scissors of course, they had some have way developed fine motor skills.

@TempestTost do you realise that you can set boundaries without punishments/yelling/being a scary parent? I don’t think old school parenting os that good of we consider how many people suffer of mental health problems today. Parenting wasn’t “easier” 50 years ago, it’s just that parents used to punish their kids more and didn’t dedicate much of their time to them. It isn’t necessarily a good thing. Kids should learn what is right or wrong from their larents without being scared of them.

One big difference between generations is that it was parents doing kiddy things with their children for interaction, it was kids doing grown up things with their parents, mainly expected to help with chores at a very young age.

Kids were given a brush to help with dusting. A sponge to help with washing. A dustpan when parents were sweeping the floor. They were kept busy by participating in their parents activities but introducing some fun into it.

My parents were not like this, but my grandmother was and I loved it. My best memories are helping her prepared dinner and dusting the furniture pretending we lived in a castle.

it doesn’t take a nanosecond for a pot of painty water to go everywhere surely?

I didn’t hover over my kids at that age for everything but I was more present for cooking and painting than other things, that’s for certain!

And it can easily be mopped up

Yanbu. I have always had expectations that my kids entertain themselves quietly when I'm busy, working or want to do something. They've also always helped with chores.

I'm always surprised when people compliment on them sitting quietly when in an adult setting or being capable of having dinner in an adult setting, not using phones and holding conversations. Surely this is raising your child to function well and how to behave respectfully?

Letting kids run riot, use phones at dinner, disturb other diners in a restaurant etc is just poor parenting?

It is but it’s incredibly common. I remember having dinner once and we both blanched when we saw a couple with four kids come in. We complimented them when we left on their perfect behaviour, it’s so rare.

it doesn’t take a nanosecond for a pot of painty water to go everywhere surely?

That’s why you put the water in a low wide container like a Tupperware, much more stable.

So what?

Kids paints are quite washable, and they very quickly learn not to tip things up so long as you put the water in a pot that isn't top heavy.

How is keeping an eye on them while sitting on the couch inadequate?

I did not suggest yelling what's the only way to disapline children.

I guess a lot of this might depend on how your house is set out then. If you’re living in a small space where curtains, carpets and cats could all get the force of paint it’s different.

Possibly. Though avoiding carpets would avoid most of the really annoying issues. They are painting on paper, not curtains or cats (though non-toxic paint is unlikely to harm a cat.)

What people don't seem to realize is the longer kids are put off from these kinds of tasks, the longer they can't do them without making a mess.

I’m astonished that my throwaway comment has provoked a 24 hour debate. The way painting worked was an oilcloth table cloth, a sea of newspaper on the floor and a wide, shallow water container that was virtually impossible to knock over. All mess cleaned up in a matter of a couple of minutes. The tricky bit now would be the newspaper - nobody buys them any more but I guess a plastic sheet would do the same job.

Oh and no cat. Just a dog that went to sleep on the sofa with me.

No one said don’t do them. Just damage limitation. And again, your ability to keep them away from a carpet really might depend on available space. Lots of places don’t have space for a table in the kitchen.

I think you’ve gone slightly off topic 😂

The point is, if you hover over kids while they’re doing activities like this rather than let them get on with it, they don’t learn basic things like how to not spill the paint, what to do if they drip etc
But most importantly, they learn that it’s ok to fail.

Helicopter parenting.

your ability to keep them away from a carpet really might depend on available space.

That’s why you cover it up.

My god does this topic really need continuing. It's like watching paint dry.

I too, was the perfect parent before I was a parent.

And, they said all these terrible things about your generation when you were a toddler/pre-teen/teenager/young adult. I assume you were never like that or parented that way? (Because most of it is absolute bunkum)

If I was to give you (or any new mum) any advice it would be, raise your kid as you see fit and leave others to do the same. You are not going to be a better parent than everyone else because you choose to be a disciplinarian. Your child will not be better behaved than any other child because of it. At the end of it you will (just like everyone else) hope to hell your child turns out to be a brilliant adult who remembers childhood as something they loved, rather than endured and isn't something they spend their lives recovering from.