To think parents nowadays are just weak

[Alberta56]

Not sure is it just me but I feel like most parents are just soft and incapabble to discipline their own kids. I constantly see topics here and not only about small kids doing what they want - screaming, tantrums, wanting stuff and parents are just so helpless. When I go on the tube kids screaming putting their dirty feet on the seats. At home kids not wanting to eat and parents act like they own a restaurant immediately cooking something else. What's wrong with saying NO, or ""keep quiet" or " you eat whats available or "you go and play alone while mommy reads a book for 1 h". Why are parents constantly trying to keep kids entertained and spend a fortune on stupid activities. Worst thing is that I see young colleagues 18/ 19 years old coming to work and are just incapable of being a human - constantly late, all the time have to think about their feelings and emotions can't even complain to HR when they're not doing their job properly....I just don't get it really. I'm about to be a mom myself and if I need i will discipline my kid with firm approach non of that " let them express themselves" cr@p.

I could tell you are not a parent after reading the forst sentence.
Come back to us in 3 years time as others have said, then we can rediscuss.
We all have certain ideas of the type of parents we are going to be but reality will be very different. It’s just not possible to comprehend when you are not there.

I think lot of parents are cluless. They dont want to repeat the parenting they had from their own parents but dont know how to set the boundaries and helps their children to go through emotions so they just dont do anything as they dont want to be harsh.

It will depend on the situation and age of the children, but saying No and be quiet instead of giving the child attention they need is bad.

Well said OP. If people feel offended because their parenting skills let them be.....and yes you.dont need to have kids to make this observation...
I'm a teacher 15 years now and I clearly see how kids have changed - spoiled and just extremely impolite and with very little manners learnt at home.

This really made me giggle 🤣

The OP did mention children having tantrums, wanting their own way etc, and parents being helpless, and weak to manage that behaviour.

Talking about being helpless and like you can’t confidently manage behaviour and set boundaries for your kids is probably always going to hit a nerve for SENd parents, because that’s certainly the everyday in my house.

Me too (but no kids of my own).

This is very interesting to know, thank you!

Yes I do agree in many ways.
however I don’t scream at my kids. I don’t need to. I can talk in a stern voice and they know to listen to me.
doesn’t stop them bisbehaving at times - like all children do!
you also can’t tell a 2 year old to be self sufficient. They hang on you all day even if you set up an activity for them to play by themselves. Yes 6/7 is a different story but you’ll see soon enough.

Yes. It's all been turned on its head. Kids are in charge of the adults these days. People are scared to say no and follow through. Having said that you arnt a parent yet and you really don't know how you will be. I had a lot of intentions that never came about once mine were born.

@Alberta56 your OP really made me laugh. I thought the same as you before I had my child. Good luck 😉

I think you just want to moan about a few different things and are massively generalising based on a few anecdotal observations 🤷‍♀️ I

Which is fair enough but you're being massively unreasonable and a bit silly to extrapolate this to be "all parents are rubbish and have been for the last 20 years or so".

Luckily society in general has moved away from the ‘children should be seen and not heard’ mindsets. Child development science has come a long way and we understand that ignoring a childs needs is not good for their physical nor mental health. Some of what you refer to I believe from past generations is from very strict and conservative parenting styles which hasn’t necessarily benefited those children as adults (hello mental health crisis).

That being said, setting and instilling boundaries in children is healthy and positive but children also want to push those boundaries so it can be a long game.

Would recommend you read up on some more modern science around brain development of children. Margot Sunderland has a very good book which is evidence based rather than opinion

Well if you agree it's not the kids fault presumably you think it's the fault of the parents, who are rude and had no respect for your home? Their lack of manners must be down to their parents surely.

Totally agree.

I will regularly say "you will do it because I say so", "you can eat that or eat nothing". I impose real consequences quickly if my kids are disobedient.

My friends son was mucking about the other day when we were out somewhere. She seemed to think she was powerless to stop him. She looked confused when i said but why didn't you just take him out for 5 minutes and tell him he isn't going in if he can't behave?

Yabu

I’ve never been scared to say no to mine.

All of the things that I saw as strict as a child I do now (no hanging around parks after dark etc) and my kids are TEENS who mumsnet say you have to allow to do as they like.

My kids say I’m less ‘strict’ than other parents (aka I’m less rampantly over protective and expect them to take responsibility for their actions and learn rather than over controlling them).

@Alberta56 I too saw dc behaving badly before my two were born and I was determined they would not be like them. Yrs, most dc have the odd tantrum but I find there’s way more screaming now. Any hint of that and dc would be told to be quiet. I didn’t provide snacks to eat in other peoples houses. Take dirty shoes off - yes. All shoes not what our friends expect. Islamic people yes - I would follow their lead.

Cooking - dc ate what we did when they started nursery. It’s not that difficult to find meals everyone likes. As children they ate what we did. Life is too short for multiple meals and fads.

You will need some flexibility but most dc I’ve come across are fine. Yours will be too.

we understand that ignoring a childs needs is not good for their physical nor mental health

Totally agree, but a lot of what kids misbehave over are things they want not things they need. Too many people give in to a lot of wants.

Jesus are people still using “because I’m your mother and I said so”?

My mum used that line in the 80s/90s. Didn’t like it then and don’t like it now.

I think people are so busy nowadays, that parenting simply cannot be compared to years ago. Lifestyles are completely different, resources are completely different, day to day stresses are different.... the world is completely different... so naturally parenting will be different. And that's not a bad thing!
In one of your examples about the food... I was forcefed food I hated as a child "eat that or eat nothing" attitude and am only now in my mid 30s developing some sort of a healthy relationship with food. That is one thing I will most definitely NOT be doing with my daughter! I don't see it as me being a "weak parent" because I will occasionally cook a small selection of food rather than 1 dish! I don't eat food I don't like the taste of, why should I force my children to?

I see OP is wondering where her parent of the year award is. Who’s going to tell her?

Sounds like sensible parenting

Dgd can't amuse herself for a minute

I see where your view may come from, although I think you're misguided and are about to become imminently enlightened. I used to be quite judgy and now I realise that we're all just doing the best we can each and every day.

Although I do think that there has been a shift in social standards that means people are a little more self-centred and basic etiquette has gone out the window a little. This doesn't apply to everyone of course. There is little respect for authority now, let alone taking your shoes off or eating off a plate.

You learn to pick your battles though. It would be really interesting to hear from you in time to see if you have managed to hold your firm line.

All the best with LO's arrival x

Anyone else saving this thread to revive in a year or 2? I want to know how the hour of reading is going for you @Alberta56 😊

Bore off 🥱