To think parents nowadays are just weak

[Alberta56]

Not sure is it just me but I feel like most parents are just soft and incapabble to discipline their own kids. I constantly see topics here and not only about small kids doing what they want - screaming, tantrums, wanting stuff and parents are just so helpless. When I go on the tube kids screaming putting their dirty feet on the seats. At home kids not wanting to eat and parents act like they own a restaurant immediately cooking something else. What's wrong with saying NO, or ""keep quiet" or " you eat whats available or "you go and play alone while mommy reads a book for 1 h". Why are parents constantly trying to keep kids entertained and spend a fortune on stupid activities. Worst thing is that I see young colleagues 18/ 19 years old coming to work and are just incapable of being a human - constantly late, all the time have to think about their feelings and emotions can't even complain to HR when they're not doing their job properly....I just don't get it really. I'm about to be a mom myself and if I need i will discipline my kid with firm approach non of that " let them express themselves" cr@p.

Yes. I too was a much better parent before I actually had the children, but you’ll learn.

It’s about picking your battles, for me.

Sure, kids need a healthy and balanced diet, and they need boundaries.

But to be honest, when we’ve all been awake since 3am for the 19th day in a row - sometimes all we’re aiming for at the end of the day is fed, watered and in bed. Everything else falls by the wayside.

Some things are non-negotiable all the time (aggression, for example), but tbh if I’ve been awake for 17 hours, the kid can just have another bowl of ice cream, or whatever the crisis is about.

Frankly I'm exhausted and struggle with being a single parent. So I'm not the best at discipline but I try improve every day. Some things are difficult when you're not naturally good at them.

I do understand what you mean though. A few years ago I was absolutely flamed and hounded off a Facebook group for saying that I wouldn't give my child a pudding until they had eaten something savoury. Apparently "giving them what they want" is what you sign up for when you become a parent. 🤷‍♀️

Crumbly cookies with no plates? Will the horrors never cease?

Come back when you’re a parent

While I don’t necessarily disagree, until you’re a parent it’s quite easy to assume that you can just tell your child what to do and…. They’ll obey.

Also, tube seats are pretty disgusting already. Kid shoes in them are … the least of my concerns.

She could have just got a plate out herself tbf 😂

You're not a parent...yet.

You don't yet know what your child will need in terms of your help.

My DGM left my DDad to his own devices for an hour when he was 8 and he burned down the garden shed and was in hospital for months.

Well you sound like an absolute delight!

I missed that part of the op! Wow op do you actually think you’re going to get an hour to read a book whilst you have young DCs around?

Come back in 18 years and we'll see how you did.

I think many more parents work full time from when children are babies, this changes the dynamics a bit from when I was raising my children. Many more of us were working part time and getting less pressure to work in the first five years.

Absolutely agree. Full disclosure -I don’t have any kids. Interestingly though, a neighbour who has, told DH recently that it’s really difficult to impose any rules/boundaries etc once kids have gone to school, as they are allowed to do whatever they like there, and then won’t accept rules at home. He said something like ‘remember when we were in school, and the teachers were in charge and we knew it? Well, it’s the other way around now’. Again, as I don’t have kids I don’t know if he’s right, but DH said that he seemed genuinely exasperated. Be interested to see what people with young ‘uns think.

I agree @Alberta56 however, when my first was due I thought I would feed him every four hours, he would sleep well, and our lives would carry on much as before. I was going to keep him awake and stimulated between day time naps so he would sleep at night. How wrong I was. We did have firm boundaries though around mealtimes and sitting at the table and behaving well at the shops, doing homework, etc.

The scooters in the supermarket do my head in but when mine were small, the manager would have said something and been heard rather than getting a gobby mouthful from the parents. We also supported their teachers but standards dropped at school regarding teachers' expectations. Fortunately we could afford the independent sector where standards were more exacting.

oh you haven’t got a child yourself? Say no more

<hands op an even bigger spoon >

I thought I'd be an authoritarian mum too, then I looked into child development etc. When my baby was born I knew that I could never "discipline" them like I'd imagined previously. instead I have parented them with a lot of patience and guidance. They have turned into kind and lovely people.

Tbf my 3yo will go play for sometimes hours independently and I can just read, she might get lucky on that front

I'm a parent, and a teacher, and I 100% agree. I've seen a massive decline in parenting skills in the last 10 years, and no, I'm not talking about children with diagnosed SEN.
So many children with behavioural problems because of a lack of boundaries at home. You can tell by the way they react when you discuss it with them, and the way their child reacts also.

Again, I'm not talking about children with diagnosed SEN.
Although I daresay some diagnosed issues probably aren't helped by chaotic and unstructured homelives/upbringings.

OP you are so right!!!

The children now love luxury; they have bad manners, contempt for authority; they show disrespect for elders and love chatter in place of exercise.

(ETA - JK. I assume people know, but it’s from Plato/Aristotle)

I agree to some extent. There are definitely some ineffectual parents there who are as childlike and helpless as their children looking at my sister who lets her kids run riot at every opportunity and dare not say anything in case they get upset

But in mitigation, I think many of today's soft parents were brought up by parents who, in turn, were brought up by parents who were traumatised as children by WW2. This adult generation's parents were insecurely attached and likely emotionally neglected, which affected how they parented today's adults.

I don't think it was necessarily healthy to leave the kids locked in the car for a couple of hours with a packet of crisps while mum and dad went to the pub. Or to send your primary school aged kids off out to play and literally have no idea where they were or who they were with or what time to expect them home (both things that happened in my childhood the 80s).

Benign neglect was normalised but I don't think it was ever normal.

That's not to say that the natural conclusion is to let kids do whatever they want and tell them they're amazing for mediocrity and bad behaviour.

Perhaps it'll balance itself out by the time our kids are parents.

Meh, you're about to become a mum.

Come back and opine on your superior approach to parenting when you've managed to raise at least one decent, happy and fully functional human being to adulthood with whom you still have a close loving relationship, and I'll be happy to discuss your thoughts, but right now? You can think what you like but it means little.

Raise your child as you think fit, but be prepared to change your mind along the way in response to what works for your particular child and what doesn't. There isn't one single "correct" approach and now is not the time to be smug about something that hasn't even happened yet.

@MrsTigerface I think your neighbour is talking bollocks. There's tons of rules in school and I get informed by an app if dd misbehaves (she never has because she's amazing despite the fact my generation are all lazy/weak/crap/insert derogatory adjective here)