To think parents nowadays are just weak

[Alberta56]

Not sure is it just me but I feel like most parents are just soft and incapabble to discipline their own kids. I constantly see topics here and not only about small kids doing what they want - screaming, tantrums, wanting stuff and parents are just so helpless. When I go on the tube kids screaming putting their dirty feet on the seats. At home kids not wanting to eat and parents act like they own a restaurant immediately cooking something else. What's wrong with saying NO, or ""keep quiet" or " you eat whats available or "you go and play alone while mommy reads a book for 1 h". Why are parents constantly trying to keep kids entertained and spend a fortune on stupid activities. Worst thing is that I see young colleagues 18/ 19 years old coming to work and are just incapable of being a human - constantly late, all the time have to think about their feelings and emotions can't even complain to HR when they're not doing their job properly....I just don't get it really. I'm about to be a mom myself and if I need i will discipline my kid with firm approach non of that " let them express themselves" cr@p.

Meh. I agree somewhat but I think that might just be a natural consequence of me getting older and being slightly grumpy sometimes.
I do think it’s good to have ideas about what sort of parent you’ll be in advance so I won’t completely write you off in a “oh come back when you’ve actually got kids” way either, I swore I would never allow TV’s in my children’s bedrooms and family and friends would laugh at me and say in annoyingly sing song voices that I would soon change my tune. I didn’t. They didn’t have TV’s in their rooms and my son only got one last year when he turned 17. My daughter still doesn’t have one. They didn’t have games consoles until later on either.
Ignore people saying you’ll be a bad parent just because you have these ideas and boundaries.

Children don't come as a completely blank slate who's behaviour we can mould into whatever we want! They have their own personalities that emerge and you have to adapt your parenting to the child you get, not to one you imagined!

Plus I think even in the 70s it was a rare toddler that played on its own for an hour. In a loving household at any rate. I think fewer women worked so there was more of a community at home. You could team up with other mums. And incidentally the 70s weren't perfect were they 😐. But I do think it's gone a bit awry somehow. Maybe the next gen will change it again.

It's not like older generations produced lots of brilliantly hard working well adjusted people....there are plenty of middle aged ppl battling demons from childhood. Not like there was some "good old days" we should all be harking back fo.

Just out of interest what age do you expect "play on your own while mummy reads a book for 1 hour" to float?

I agree. I think people really underestimate how utterly f*ed up alot of adults are from their childhood - and in turn how it's messed them up!

Oh OP, you're going to be sooo embarrassed about this post in a few years time when you have actual experience parenting 🤣

@MabelMoo23 you are no doubt doing a great job with your crew and don't let anyone tell you otherwise!

The struggle to parent children with ASD or ADHD is so real. I cannot stop my child from screaming in public? What am I suppose to do, gag him? We do everything we can do calm them down but I cant make them stop.

I didn't stop when I was a child either, I got smacked but it didn't stop me from doing it.

Children are human beings too and need to be able to express themselves, otherwise they grow up not being able to discuss their feelings etc.
They do need to be disciplined in a way that is right for them.

When a child is screaming and shouting, you have no idea what has happened in that family before this event. The parent might just be absolutely exhausted from lack of sleep, a million meltdowns in one day and struggling themselves.

Hahahahahahaha this is hilarious!

Come back and let us know how you're getting on in 2/3 years when you have a baby screaming 24/7 keeping you awake all night and a dictator toddler running rings around you.

All the best OP! 😄

OP I do agree that some people don't hold important boundaries with their kids.
But, have you read the book Five Minutes Peace?
Published in 1986 and a very realistic portrayal of a failure to get any time away from kids!

Well I have rules in place boundaries and am certainly not weak. However I will never say to a kid “just eat it “ and will always cook to everyone’s needs and yes that’s at least two diff meals a night. I wouldn’t eat something o didn’t like so I don’t expect them to either.

Good luck with the toddler years OP 👍

Before you are a parent, you have views about how you are going to raise your child or children.

I was going to use my teaching experience and my children would be stimulated by experiences. They’d be crafting, collecting leaves and acorns in autumn, drawing and painting. They would not be running in shops and they wouldn’t be having tantrums. I’d be putting the baby in the pram or in the car and going out to show him off. We’d go shopping or to a cafe and he would go to bed at 6.30 and sleep all night.

Yeah right! I don’t think I got dressed for six weeks after the birth.

I do agree that there should be firm and clear and consistent boundaries, directed choice and some non negotiables. But babies and children have a habit of confounding all your plans.

I absolutely agree with this, excellent advice!

I genuinely hope you get the child that is going to listen to everything you say and toddles off for an hour to amuse themselves while you read a book and I hope it all goes as easy as you think it will because it sounds lovely and stress free and who wouldn't want that. I wanted that and in my head I was as going to be the parent that other people looked at and said "now that is how it should be done" lol. Not once did I ever take into account that I was going to be giving birth to a new human being with its own personality and temperament and an added bonus of a life limiting condition which I had no idea about and I wasn't so smug when it all hit me lol as I said I genuinely hope everything goes as well as it is going in your head

I think parents will find it hard to believe your intentions given you aren’t actually a parent yet, having said that I agree wholeheartedly and hope you stick to your current beliefs!

We have 3 of school age and some of our children’s friends walk all over their parents! Having them sit outside school for an hour on drop off because they don’t want to go in, screaming and crying to get their own way… we are not perfect parents, we’ve definitely made and continue to make mistakes but I am attempting to raise my children to be happy, content, resilient little humans who don’t except the world to evolve around their every need! Surely this is just setting them up for misery?

“I’m about to be a mom” 😂😂😂😂😂😂 ok ……come back and tell us how perfect your children are in a few years because I can guarantee your toddler will have tantrums, refuse to eat your home cooked healthy meals and won’t give you 5 mins (let alone an hour!) to read 😂

If you are seeing kids 18/19 that are the result of this parenting surely it's not a recent trend then?

IMO Parents from each generation have had a different parenting narrative pushed onto them. Since having my DC (in the last decade) gentle parenting is pushed. Treating your children with respect and trying to understand their emotions is not a bad thing.

Maybe wait until you have your children before being so judgemental.

I agree with her and i have brought up 3 kids to adulthood

We could quite easily be the parents getting the shit kicked out of us in the park.

I’ve lost count of the amount of times my partner has had to pick his 7 year old up and carry him kicking and screaming to the car.

Those parents are often exhausted and sick of getting shouted at all day, and could probably do without the judgment!

We all think the same thing and I said everything you're saying before I had DC. However, please come back in 5/10 years and tell us how it went...

I have no specific plans for what type of parent I will be. You don't even need to have kids to see how rude they are when they get a bit older and the lack of manners when they are outside their homes is astonishing

An, the confidence of one who is yet to be a parent.

So glad you’re here to tell us how it should be done 🍿🍿🍿

I have two children and do see what I consider ‘weak’ parenting: allowing children to do things which are clearly dangerous, doing things which are annoying for other people and not setting an example for their children eg parents scrolling on phones in restaurants and not interacting with children.
Am not sure if this is more prevalent or that as a parent I am more aware of it.
I set firm boundaries for my children and generally they were pretty well behaved and have become considerate, fair and kind adults imo. However, both my children are neuro typical and I was a SAHP and these factors are key imo.
Not suggesting every family needs a parent at home, rather it gave me more patience to deal with my children knowing I didn’t have to prep for work or get up at 6 for a commute.

Personally I prefer to treat my children like human beings who have preferences and emotions that they are learning to express.

it doesn’t have to be all or nothing, you can teach children to be respectful by, oh I don’t know, respecting them? But they are little and all their behaviour is communication, it’s your job as a parent to coach them through that - preferably with kindness and compassion.

if you’re going to take the children should be seen and not heard approach, I hope you have starting saving for the therapy you’ll owe them!