To think parents nowadays are just weak

[Alberta56]

Not sure is it just me but I feel like most parents are just soft and incapabble to discipline their own kids. I constantly see topics here and not only about small kids doing what they want - screaming, tantrums, wanting stuff and parents are just so helpless. When I go on the tube kids screaming putting their dirty feet on the seats. At home kids not wanting to eat and parents act like they own a restaurant immediately cooking something else. What's wrong with saying NO, or ""keep quiet" or " you eat whats available or "you go and play alone while mommy reads a book for 1 h". Why are parents constantly trying to keep kids entertained and spend a fortune on stupid activities. Worst thing is that I see young colleagues 18/ 19 years old coming to work and are just incapable of being a human - constantly late, all the time have to think about their feelings and emotions can't even complain to HR when they're not doing their job properly....I just don't get it really. I'm about to be a mom myself and if I need i will discipline my kid with firm approach non of that " let them express themselves" cr@p.

Well said! OP was simply wondering why she encounters so many badly behaved children whose parents appear to make no attempt at all to intervene. It seems to have attracted a whole load of unpleasant, defensive remarks along the lines of 'wait 'til you've got a toddler' and accusations that she wants children to be ruled with a rod of iron and to be seen and not heard. That's not what she's saying.

“I'm about to be a mom myself and…” Hahahahahhahahaha
It’s easy to be the perfect parent until you have children. Good luck OP.

Oh bless you. I thought exactly the same until I had 2 boys and my life became one endless cycle of running around in circles trying to teach them respect. Parenting is really hard, it's a different world than when we were kids

I think it has less to do with being retired and more to do with more women working full time. In generations gone by it was more common for women to work part time, which meant more time to help out with DGC.

I wouldnt know . My mum worked full time born 1946. Both my grandmothers did also. Born 1898 and 1915. As do I and I have grandchildren .

So certainly not common amongst people I know

I agree with you.
We were stricter with our kids about expectations than these days. Our kids turned out fantastic! But one of my friends always took the path of least resistance and her kids too are wonderful.
So who knows, really?

Perhaps it is passed down through generations. If your parents didn’t have support raising their DC, they may not see it as their place to help raise DGC. Whereas those who have grown up in family orientated environments may see it as their duty to pay that forward to DC/DGC.

Anyway, I suppose my point is even those GPs who would love to spend time with their DGC can’t, because they are working FT.

My parents and in laws aren’t around sadly, but from what I experienced and my dad once said I just assumed that generations ago grandparents weren’t hands on, but maybe I’m wrong.

Yes agree that people are working longer and longer, and that will continue. Our kids will be buggered as we will all still be working into ours 80s!

I agree but I think the people to blame is the grandparents/older generation. If they weren't so strict on these children's parents then maybe the parents wouldn't be so scared or against using discipline now.
My parents were so strict growing up and looking back this is what I remember more than the fun times.

Sounds unusual!

The shoes off/biscuit example you’ve given isn’t about parenting though, it’s about different standards for household cleanliness. Presumably the parents don’t think removing shoes in homes is important and they’re not fussed about a few crumbs. That’s not really parenting. If the kids had called you names, pulled your cats’s tail and smashed all your belongings deliberately whilst the parents gazed on adoringly then I’d see your point.

@taybert No. Biscuits are not given in other peoples homes. It’s not about housekeeping it’s about manners. Who goes and messes up someone’s house with biscuits? If very young dc invited to a meal and are a bit messy, that’s different but parents should minimise this.

Young children are better with shoes on. Slippery socks are not a great idea. If someone knows you are a shoes off house, you do that. I know very few who are and they are Muslims.

First rule of mumsnet. Don’t slag mums off if you ain’t a mum.

I was this incredible parent too before I had kids.

Then you get tired, your juggling many things and standards will slip or you hone in on your priorities. I rarely judge other parents now. Most people are doing their best and giving it their all. I keep in my lane and raise the kids the best I can.

This. We are all perfect parents before we are actually parents. I love the idea of simply telling a child to be quiet and then they just be quiet...em yeah...good luck with that Op

Same - I got to see how friends were with their children and take some mental notes about what did or didn't seem to work. I was also lucky to read Penelope Leach's great book on child-rearing.

In terms of the 'good old days' that some posters have mentioned. I'd say people are in general more expressly stressed out - there is far less of a safety net in terms of decent social housing and decent health services, higher cost of living and far more rampant consumerism and a more unequal society. More families have both parents working full time and consequently less downtime/pottering time with children, less time to do washing, clean the house and so on leading to often frayed tempers at the weekend. Children are rarely allowed walk home alone from school until they're 10 or older, there are fewer parents at home during the day to keep an eye on the neighbourhood. At the same time, it was typical for parents to spank their children (see Beano and other comics), for men to beat their wives, for women to have their bum pinched and so on.

For anyone complaining about kids on smartphones or iPads - tech companies have designed phones and other devices to be addictive and put them in the hands of children. Businesses are built around the idea of children needing to be entertained, countless posters on MN have a really hard time with childcare over the summer holidays as they need to work. That's the context we're in.

Add to that, children are born as people, you can't just design them as if they're completely malleable/blank slates. I hope first of all the OP has a healthy child and appreciates them as an individual rather than a wild animal that has to be broken and dominated.

Depends how old the child is surely. A 2 year old no chance but a 7 year old should be fine

That's just rudeness from the parents, and laziness. Clearly they were never taught basic manners by their parents!

I agree permissive parenting is a problem.
I agree the parent should be at the helm and capable of taking the lead for child and family to be in happy balance.

But authoritarian parents are also problematic as they often aren't listening, try to control and that's not balance or effective.
Authoritarian parents often have unhappy children who can't express their unhappiness and it comes out in behaviour one way or another.

The best line to walk is authoritative parenting which is leadership with love.
So I would suggest reading up on the difference.

And don't forget whatever you do will be fruitless if you don't take into account what they are capable of understanding at different ages and development.

Lots of parents who intend to lay down the law are the same parents who think their baby is trying to emotionally manipulate them and it needs training to know who's boss. When in reality a baby is just a naive bundle of instincts needing it's basic needs to be met and communicating in the only way it has.

Haven't got time to read the thread but find it hilarious someone without a child has posted this 😂😂😂 see u on here in 2 years love when you're parenting a toddler

This. Come back to is when you've actually had your kid and let us know how your perfect parenting is going.

Oh that made me laugh 😊 I'm not saying I'm brilliant, I can totally assure you I am not! But I do agree with that basis of this thread, and geniuenly, I think sometimes short term pain long term gain (desperately repeating that to myself every time she needs a, shower 😂) I'm sure it's hard and I'm sure your doing better than you think. Good luck.

It’s a balance.

I was brought up in an era of the other extreme which was unhealthy and traumatic. It depends what you mean by resilience. It could be so shut down you just power on, hard to know.

There is a lot of diversity of needs and much is also dependent on the DC you have as well as their age. There needs to be some sensitivity and flexibility.

Agree parents should be instructing DC not to put feet on seats etc. Agree about them learning to play but being sent off for an hour with no supervision while you read is not appropriate at a young age.

Being a parent might not be as easy as you think it is and parenting doesn’t happen in isolation there are other influences too.

Nah I think parents that didn't control their emotions and lashed out, shouting at or hitting their children, were (are) weak.

We're not raising obedient kids, we're raising mentally well adults hopefully.

And kids are people too, they get to have needs, wants, opinions and get to be respected.

No no thats all allowed now. Just not the other way around of course..