To think parents nowadays are just weak

[Alberta56]

Not sure is it just me but I feel like most parents are just soft and incapabble to discipline their own kids. I constantly see topics here and not only about small kids doing what they want - screaming, tantrums, wanting stuff and parents are just so helpless. When I go on the tube kids screaming putting their dirty feet on the seats. At home kids not wanting to eat and parents act like they own a restaurant immediately cooking something else. What's wrong with saying NO, or ""keep quiet" or " you eat whats available or "you go and play alone while mommy reads a book for 1 h". Why are parents constantly trying to keep kids entertained and spend a fortune on stupid activities. Worst thing is that I see young colleagues 18/ 19 years old coming to work and are just incapable of being a human - constantly late, all the time have to think about their feelings and emotions can't even complain to HR when they're not doing their job properly....I just don't get it really. I'm about to be a mom myself and if I need i will discipline my kid with firm approach non of that " let them express themselves" cr@p.

So you're not a mum yet? Good luck with disciplining your child and being firm.

Some kids have fairly easy going personalities and some are full on. How you cope will depend upon which type you get.

Hypothetically if you get a full on child and you want to say read for an hour and expect them to entertain themselves but they are refusing to let you, what will you do? Discipline them? Ok so you take the time to discipline but then they are still refusing to entertain themselves. Do you discipline again? If you spend all day telling your child off what do you think that will do to your relationship with them? To their esteem ?

Your theory is based on you tell the child to stop and they stop. Do you not think if it was that simple everyone would do it?

I was well behaved as a child because I feared my parents, if I played up I got smacked or belted or kicked. So I didn't play up. What do you think my relationship is like now with my parents?

Basically as a parent you can parent using fear, bribery, reward or reasoning. But your chid may not respond to your parenting type, if they don't respond to reward or reasoning what will you do bribe them to behave? Frighten them?

Kids have been having tantrums for years. Seeing a tired child throw a tantrum in a shop for example is not new! Nowadays people have no patience and can't understand that children have to learn how to behave in public, and the only way they can do that is by being in public. But if you haven't got a darling little princess who will happily sit on her own through a 5 course meal without opening her mouth and without any sort of entertainment then suddenly you can't parent properly or to use the OPs phrase are a "weak parent"! How many threads on here have we seen about people complaining their neighbour children are playing too loudly? That was never an issue when I was growing up, and not because I was bullied into playing quietly by an authoritarian parent!

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Well yes but they also need to learn to fit in and that other people matter to. We are / kind empathetic do so much with them and now they are teens we have a lovely vibe in our family. They enjoy spending time with us. They are good company. But we had a hard line on rudeness. The way my friends dc talked to them I used to find horrifying. Most of them too.

We never let our DDs be rude to us we were firm on this from a very young age. We are polite and kind to each other so modelled that. We actively taught social skills. As a result Both girls have lots of lovely friends and are extremely emotionally intelligent. They are sought out by other families to take on their holidays which says it all really

Yep! Weak parents who actually can’t be bothered to discipline or for some reason think their kids are more precious than others. I work in a school and behaviour is bad. You can’t correct behaviour without parents writing in to say you have been mean to their kids. This is simple things like asking them not to use their phones, not to swear, respect property etc. The kids kick off as soon as you ask them to behave and parents aren’t interested. This starts when they are young at home. So many kids now think they have the right to do as they please despite the impact they have on others.

@GoldenNuggets08 Agree!

Totally agree, worse place I've seen for behaviour was in church , people just letting kids do what they wanted all on screens or sprawled out on seats or running around attending because children had to for various reasons, not engaging ot teaching the child on when to sit down or stand up. Was bought up going to church and took my 3 as well , I would take something with me to keep them quiet if needed. But generally they were taught to be quiet and respectful , and also taught manners. Restaurants/ cafes another place kids running around or standing up on chair with knife and fork dancing to a degree ( witnessed recently) not saying mine were perfect absolutely not lol 3 lads particularly,

So why didn't you say anything?
For visiting kids I use the prefix 'in this house we......'
So when shoes aren't removed you say 'in this house we remove shoes at the door' or for the biscuits 'in this house we use a plate and sit up while eating'
It doesn't have to be in a negative tone you are just cheerily stating a fact.
They don't know unless you let them know.
Most kids would then just do what you've asked. The shoes might be taken off where they stand but if you want them put by the front door you say 'shoes live by the front door' then when it's done you say thank you to the kids and say something silly like the shoes enjoy chatting together.

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I also have well adjusted high performing happy older children.

It’s very easy to forget that there were days when they were an absolute pain in the arse. Don’t forget OP only sees a snapshot and she’s chosen to focus on that. She’s not focused on the day she saw a kid colouring nicely at a restaurant. But it’s quite possible the same kid could have been having a screaming tantrum in Tesco the next day.

You're right but you don't know how you'll be until you have your own child.

You can tell from the excuses on this thread why society is where it is.

Bar medical reasons, discipline and respect isn't hard to instill.

Parents want to be their kids best friend and it never ends well.

I do think our generation of parents are too child focused and it’s not good for adults and children. I get it’s easy to say “ha ha just you Walt” but I think op has a point.

It’s fair to look at how others are parenting and pledge not to be like that. My parents were quite firm with us as my cousins were indulged and whiney. Mum used to say before they had kids they would say on the way home from a visit how they never wanted to be like that with their own children. So when they had us they were quite firm albeit loving and amazing.

When I had children I decided I didn’t want to bring them up the same way I was. My parents were good parents but there was little tolerance for expressing yourself in a negative way (ie crying, tantrum etc) and it made me quite timid. I wanted my children to be able to express themselves freely but within a much wider boundary. Feet on seats and screaming on public transport wouldn’t be tolerated but feeling upset or angry about things I’d deem silly was ok.

What does make me roll my eyes is when posters insist you should apologise to your child because you had the audacity to raise your voice to them. That is very bad parenting in my book. If raising your voice is justified then no apology required and you’re making a rod for your own back if you do.

Teaching your child good manners from a young age is one of the most important foundations you can give them, in my opinion. My children would never misbehave in someone else’s house, it’s a sure sign of bad parenting if they do. Imo.

Totally agree with this post! Must say though OP you’ve no chance of reading in peace for an hour till your dc is at least school age! Toddlers can wreak havoc when you just nip to the loo🤣

You know nothing about those children and parents, what other medical conditions are in play or what strategies have been given by Paediatricians or Psychologists.

Or frankly whether the Mother herself is anywhere on a spectrum from having an extremely bad day to having been tipped into mental health difficulties, as many parents of disabled children are, by the constant demands, lack of support and hostile judgement of people who have never walked in their family's shoes.

We cannot know what was going on in their lives that day. But we do know her child has a neurodevelopmental condition that means he cannot behave in a way which meets age typical expectations.

It's a dick move to sit in superiority over families of disabled children, particularly if you are one.

Agreed. Also, it can be very different when you have a second, third… parenthood can change people and their ways. You may not stick to anything you say now, once you have a child of your own

Come back and post once you have had a child.

It’s quite simple to see if a parent is engaging with a distressed/dysfunctional child.

I know if my ND child had been kicking hell out of a window, I’d try to distract him and if that failed, I’d remove him from the situation, whether it met typical age expectations or not. I also would still explain why it was wrong and dangerous, not turn a blind eye to it and leave him to it. Having an ND child does not absolve a parent of any responsibility for the child (or others).

I think you’re determined to find offence. I have nothing but sympathy and compassion for parents of children when I see them having a meltdown and the parents are addressing the situation. It’s the blasé, disinterested parents that I have a problem with.

ETA: In my example, I do know the mother, very well.

I thought I would be really strict until I had my own child and realised that that is not what he needs. We don’t punish him but talk to him about his actions. He isn’t disrespectful and is a lovely, confident little boy. The most important to thing to me that he is raised as a kind human being but can also stand up for himself like non of our generation we’re raised to do. His mental health takes priority over being a perfectly behaved child (which is impossible without using harsh horrible punishment)

I agree, and do discipline my children. I also have to let some things go for the sake of my sanity, otherwise I'd be constantly telling them off. They are not total brats, but can act up. It's hard work raising children!

I think life is more complex now too. When I was a kid I played out. My mum was at home cleaning /cooking and my dad worked

Nowadays it's a juggling act of work school house child care and parenting. A lot of people are just struggling

This is not lazy parenting at all. If your low on money then you can't afford to cook up alternatives for a fussy child, you just don't allow them to be fussy. Also I had to amuse myself as a child so my mum could get on with what she needed to do without distractions. There is nothing wrong with it at all

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