DH says he feels like a “mug” and I take advantage

[IneffableCat]

I’ll be brief. A couple of times per year (once or twice) I stay overnight in a hotel with girlfriends which I love doing and it gives me a break. I also see friends for meals out, theatre shows or cinema etc every few months. There’s been a good few comments from my parents in front of DH along the lines of “poor DH, being left to look after the children again while Mum goes out gallivanting!”

A few weeks ago I had a night in London, saw a show and caught up with friends. DH knew about the plan for months in advance and stated that he “didn’t care” what I did. After the comments he said how it’s obvious that I treat him like a “sap” and a “mug” How I’m walking all over him and dumping the kids on him AGAIN.

I’ve got a show booked for a weeks time and told DH about it today and he said again how he was being taken for a mug again and that I should have told him sooner. This is a show in my home town so I’ll only be gone for a few hours.

The friends I see are all child free and my mum has commented that it’s ok for them to go out as they don’t have children. That I need more friends with kids. AIBU?

DH does nothing outside the house, has no interest in a social life or outside hobbies.

I mean, the fact you are planning to leave him, makes this thread irrelevant, but What on earth is wrong with your mother, stirring up issues like that ?

He's an utter horror.
Why would you pay any attention to that nasty wasters opinions on anything.

Get the hell away from him.

Perfectly reasonable op. Sounds like your parents are the problem here . They clearly have riled him up and now he's jumped on that. You haven't or doing anything wrong

You do sound like you go gallivanting too much but are trying to gloss over it in fact you sound just like my ex sister-in-law-now they're in lies another story

How much is ok?

Gallivanting 😂

Gallivanting. I love that word. Used to describe a woman doing a perfectly normal activity but with the temerity to retain some personal life after having children.
He’s going to feel like even more of a ‘mug’ having to take care of his own children when you’ve left him. I hate men like this, they need to come with a warning label so the women they interact with e.g work, social occasions are aware they are in fact total garbage pails.

Did she dare to have a life outside of her husband and kids too?

You should out gallivanting yourself at some point by the looks if it!
Who knows, you may even discover you enjoy yourself whe nyour partner is not around. Do try it.

Taken for a mug because he's expected to look after his children?

Really? What's an acceptable amount?

Why shouldn’t he look after them now and then? They are his children too.

You should probably post the number of times you're left to care for the children alone while he plays video games!

Goodness, you both need some time with your friends and away from home! DH and I don't don't get chance to do much as a couple together but are more than happy for both of us to go out. Doesn't your DH have a social life? If not, that may be reason for the begrudging comments. Give and take, allow each other some fun! Xx

Sorry, I asked this question without knowing he doesn't go out much. Therein lies the problem...he's happy to just be in his bubble but you want to maintain your social life, which is important. We need to keep in touch with our friends, get out and have a life! Xxx

One of my favourite words! 😂

You need to nip this miserable controlling bullshit in the bud straightaway. I’m sure there’s plenty of times you have the kids without him. Tell your Mam to put a sock in it an all, she’s shit stirring because she’s jealous, I’d be fuming

lol then why are you wasting people's time

Hi op,

i am sorry but you sound like you take advantage yes. He has a social life, he is married and a parent :) but his wife continues to go out every few weeks from what I understand…WITHOUT him 😵‍💫

Gosh, I’d be livid.

Please, book a sitter or ask your mom around so DH can come too…oh it is JUST a girls night 🫣 well then no. You can’t. You are married and have kids so once in a while yes. Every few weeks like you are single again…no. Just no. Poor DP. Defo left home with the kids.

Ah. Well then. I will have to change my answer 😁

Your mom needs to stop meddling in the galivanting.

It sounds like the only issue is that he’s not doing enough for himself. That’s why he feels mugged off. Maybe talk to him and encourage him and give your support to do things he really enjoys so it feels more balanced. And your parents are being weird. It’s none of their business.

I feel your pain, I’m married to a boring bastard too! 😂
I love him to bits, but god he’s dull.
I like live music so go to concerts when I can and a festival once a year.
I can’t get him to go anywhere because he’d rather stay home with the dog 🙄.
That’s his choice but I’m buggered if I’m stopping doing things I enjoy.

I can’t tell if this is a joke or not 😳

If you were out with friends once a week that would be perfectly reasonable. He's their father, not the babysitter.

Have you asked him why he doesn't think he should take any responsibility for his own children?