Giving moved out daughter’s bedroom to younger sister

[Derbyderby]

Bit nervous but here goes…
We have three daughters 22, 19 and 16. The eldest has moved with her boyfriend to a lovely rented flat. We have a four bedroomed house, the fourth bedroom being a box room which is currently home to our youngest. She really wants to move into her sisters bedroom which is absolutely understandable but I am finding it difficult to broach the subject with our eldest. Bit of background information - our eldest has suffered from crippling anxiety and an eating disorder in the past, although she’s much better the anxiety is still a problem and also how she sees herself. Also when she was diagnosed the consultant said she also suspected that she is on the autism spectrum. She doesn’t really get on with her younger sisters which is very upsetting. She is very quiet and her sisters are the opposite. She has a lovely boyfriend and has come on a lot but I know if I tell her about the possibility of putting her sister in her room she will take that as she’s being pushed away. She comes home a few times a week as she gets lonely when her boyfriend is at work and they usually stay here at the weekend. I know really she shouldn’t be upset and she decided to move out to be with her boyfriend but still I am worried, but that’s not fair on her sister having a tiny bedroom when there’s an empty big room next door. Is this the part where I ask if I’m being unreasonable?!!! I don’t post very much at all!!

@ExquisiteEmelda The post was deleted because it was reported. It was an outright personal attack.

I don't know what accusing someone with ASD of being anti-autistic is though.

I feel very sorry for the 16 yr old due to all the people saying ooh don’t make any changes, she is an adult who has chosen to move out, it’s completely unfair for the 16 yr old who lives there permanently to be suffering in the box room while her adult sister gets an entire flat to herself and still gets to keep her room, talk about pandered too

She has a home of her own now so her Sister should move into the 'spare room'. That's what it is now as your oldest can't claim it as hers any more as she has her own room in her own home. Let your oldest know she's always welcome to stay & have a bed in the box room for when she sleeps over. It's not like she'll need a big room if all she's doing is sleeping in it.

If she's old enough for a mature relationship and to make the decision to move out, she's old enough to accept your decision. She might have Autism, but you still need to speak to her and treat her like any normal minded person, because she still is a normal person capable of making big decisions. You cannot favour her over your youngest children.

Oh, then why is she still spending over half her time at home during the work week, and also almost every weekend which would be exactly when her and boyfriend are off work and able to be alone? Most of her time with boyfriend is at home, not at the flat.

Apologies if I have missed it somewhere but for DD22 when she finished Alevels at 18 where was she living before moving in to flat with boyfriend ? - did she go to uni or stayed at home with a job ?

I'm the youngest of 2 (older brother ) - being always last to get the biggest room is pants