Fiancé has agreed to be a Guarantor - I’m not happy

[workworkbloodywork]

Not sure if I’m being highly unreasonable or fully entitled to be majorly fucked off with him.

His sister has asked him to be a guarantor on a rental that they want to upsize to as the partner has recently gone self employed.

he initially asked if I would be too but I was overseas at the time as I asked for us to discuss it when I was home.

he then said that we weren’t needed as they found someone. That then fell through and so they asked if just DF would do it. Again said let’s discuss when I’m home.

ive found out today that they have a moving date and have been packing. Turns out DF has agreed to do it without any communication to me.

so YABU - it’s family, you should think twice and just sign to dotted line asap

or YANBU - as an engaged couple, decisions that affect your family unit should be discussed at length before concluding on a decision together.

I am a guarantor for a friend. It’s a small flat and her lease is renewed every year and I have to re-sign. If it came to the worst case scenario and she defaulted on an entire 12 months rent, then yes, I could afford to pay it. It’s been 3-4 years and she hasn’t. I never even discussed this with my husband! I told him I’d done it, he said fine. End of.
I appreciate it depends on your financial situation but I don’t think I’d be getting divorced over it, unless we were truly skint.

It's not sad she wouldn't - she's absolutely right to be reluctant. I wouldn't act as guarantor for ANYONE for ANY REASON - only a fool would do so. It can destroy family relationships forever. No-one plans on not being able to pay their rent and stiffing their relatives when asking for a "favour" as huge as this, but anyone can lose their income with little warning and find themselves in the position of defaulting on their rent.
I volunteered for Citizens Advice for 10 years and advised on three separate cases of guarantors being called upon to pay their family members' rents - none of the guarantors really understood the undertaking they were making when they signed the guarantee and none of them could afford to pay their relatives' rents in addition to their own when called upon to do so and they were all devastated to realise they were on the legal hook. The two children and one grand-child involved in these cases no longer have a relationship with their mums and grand-mother (the guarantors) even though these women were being pursued for THEIR rent!
Advice to everyone: NEVER, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, AGREE TO BE A GUARANTOR FOR ANYONE (unless you have an endless pot of money and don't mind giving it away).

Amen.

EXACTLY THIS!

Possibly, but then all loans would be in her name, financial arrangements arent joint. He wouldnt be on the deeds, so she owns the property herself. Not very joint but then she might be ok with that. Can she afford a property on her own, or woujld she need his income to get the multiples to afford the property?

That could work if they're not married, if they then marry, then she is automatically financially associated with him even if the mortgage is in her name or accounts in separate names.

Have you sat down and done the maths with him?

Point out that if they dont pay HE (not both of you, just him) will have to pay their rent as well as whatever bills he pays, and that you will not subsidise this by paying more shared bills so as he agreed this, HE pays all his commitments.

you sound very controlling OP, you didn't signed anything ok? Take a deep breath. Any issues it's your BF that's going to have to deal with them, not you, his choice- his responsibility. He may ask for your opinion and that's normal but ultimately he doesn't need your permission to be a guarantor to his sister. If the BIL falls short on rent your BF will be chased by the landlord, then he'll need to pay but you don't give him a dime, do let him know beforehand.

fair points

Would never do this. The DS made their decisions and her partner decided to give up a steady income and go self employed. They need to own their decisions regarding the implications of that.

@Icanttakethisanymore not true about 12 months- I've had a 2 year fixed term ( and rent) on our current one - just about to renew again for a year. My friend has a 3 year fixed term and fixed rent on a recent rental .

What happens if you marry? Will your funds be at risk?

It's old-fashioned and stupid that UK still does not recognise Pre-nuptial agreements.

Anyone marrying needs to secure their money they have worked and saved for.

I live in a country that has that and as a solo mum thank fuck basically.

He never asked for anything anyway, or gave me anything to bring up our child.

Just did it all myself. And fucked him out of my life.

This! ^

Sadly there is not a single soul in your life who is not capable of screwing you over, or letting you down. In some cases, it may not be deliberate or intended. Someone may fall on hard times/suddenly lose their job etc, but SOMEthing could go wrong, and they may not be able to pay up.

If the person you are being guarantor for defaults on the debt/money owing, it then become YOUR DEBT!

And as you say, you can end up being chased by creditors/the courts/bailiffs, for 1000s and 1000s and 1000s of pounds.

I don't think I even asked when I put my mum down as a guarantor, it was just a box I needed to tick to ensure I could live somewhere in this market. I'd never expect her to pay a penny.

Completely agree, I was asked by my partner to be his guarantor (we dont live together by choice) as his former landlord was selling up and basically couldnt be arsed to provide a reference.

I said no. He has never missed a rent payment in his life but the fact is that he could have dumped me, not paid his rent and I would have been on the hook for it. Sadly, I no longer trust anyone when it comes to.....well anything.

I can see why you are annoyed. I would at least want an informed discussion on a big decision.

What a respectful child 🙄

YOU may not expect her to pay a penny, but the Landlord WOULD, should you fall on hard times and accrue rent arrears!

@SnufkinsSpiritAnimal I agree. We have paid over £2k a month for many years , rent lovely houses and live in good areas- work for ourselves and have 24 years rental history and great references. Now in early 60s- last estate agent that asked us for a guarantor was told to bugger off and that we simply would just not go for the property - he was back within an hour- all fine- he had just been box ticking!!

I'd move out before that ever happened

YANBU. I'm glad you're not directly involved in this and if your DF hasn't yet signed the guarantee, then persuade him not to (if he already has, then it's too late). Ask DF what his sister's and partner's new rent will be and ask him if he can afford to pay it in addition to his own expenses every month? Naturally, everyone who asks someone to act as guarantor promises faithfully they will never default on their rent, but none of us knows what the future holds - his sister could lose her job and/or her partner's new business may not be as successful as they hope. Taking on a higher rent at the same time as going self-employed seems risky to say the least, and asking anyone else to share in that risk is grossly unfair.

And people are very much focusing on the debt risk and mortgages but Im just sitting here thinking about what my OH and I (not married) are jointly involved in, joint accounts, used to have a mortgage together now paid off, broadband, water bill, council tax (as we live together in the same house so automatically on the bills), gas and electric, we have taken loans to get house improvements, sofas, new kitchen, the list is endless

If he or I had a massive debt sitting round our necks it affects everything, including if you get offered preferential deals on phones or utilities or everything

You are still liable for the rent for the entirety of the rental period. Or your mother would be if you wouldnt or couldnt pay

Dont you know this?

You should never make someone responsible financially for something without their permission, did she sign anything and understand what you had done?

That’s odd. I rented out a flat recently and someone wanted to fix it for 24 months and the estate agent told me it’s not legally enforceable beyond 12 months.

When did people objecting to something their partner is doing being "controlling"? Seems like these days anyone saying "I am not happy about you doing this" is being controlling.

They are in a relationship, they live together, their finances will be affected by each other even if they keep them seperate. In this case, if he has to pay the rent then it will affect their life even if its only things like social life, holidays etc. So it absolutely should be discussed between them.

Its called a relationship which involves discussion and compromise and understanding, not demanding your own way and calling the other person controlling if they disagree.

If you discussed it and said no, would he have gone ahead anyway or would he have 'let his sister down'? I feel that although you are in the right that you should have had a voice in the discussion he is also stuck in a no win situation. I would say he should have researched it all first. I did when I guaranteed. At no point did I consider not doing it, but I wanted to be prepared for the what ifs.

There is no rental period and she didn't sign anything