Fiancé has agreed to be a Guarantor - I’m not happy

[workworkbloodywork]

Not sure if I’m being highly unreasonable or fully entitled to be majorly fucked off with him.

His sister has asked him to be a guarantor on a rental that they want to upsize to as the partner has recently gone self employed.

he initially asked if I would be too but I was overseas at the time as I asked for us to discuss it when I was home.

he then said that we weren’t needed as they found someone. That then fell through and so they asked if just DF would do it. Again said let’s discuss when I’m home.

ive found out today that they have a moving date and have been packing. Turns out DF has agreed to do it without any communication to me.

so YABU - it’s family, you should think twice and just sign to dotted line asap

or YANBU - as an engaged couple, decisions that affect your family unit should be discussed at length before concluding on a decision together.

If be properly pissed off with him, I'd be keeping our finances separate & calling off the wedding, until a) he realises he's put MY financial stability at risk without discussing it with me & b) I'm not financially getting involved until he's out of this arrangement, so would NOT be getting married to him

He had a traffic accident….ended up with a brain injury….and that’s life….shit happens

I wouldn’t be marrying him until he was no longer a guarantor. It could have big implications if you were married and they couldn’t pay their rent.

How much is the guarantee for or is it unlimited?

Is it for a specific lenght or time or open ended?

Under that conditions can it be called up? Late payments? After 3 months arrears etc?

Under what conditions can he withdraw it?

Can he afford to lose the maximum amount he can potentially be liable for?

If he can't answer all of those questions immediately, he has no business signing a guarantee.

In general, people who can afford repayments, don't need guarantees.

Is your fiancé aware of the implications? If his sister cant pay her rent he will need to pay her rent AND his mortgage. Can he afford this? It would also affect what mortgage you can get as he will have to declare he is a guarantor if you apply to rent somewhere or take out a mortgage (or re-finance your mortgage). I think it's a really silly thing for him to have done.

Yes this would be your problem if you married

You can’t currently put a tenancy agreement in place for more than 12 months and you usually get an 6 month break clause, which obviously limits the downside. Also, the eventuality you described is incredibly unlikely and young people often need help so I’d rather take my chances and help a person I trusted, like my own child.

YABU, unless there is a very good reason, this is something you do for family. Imagine the implications of him saying no?! And worse, saying no because you didn't want him to. He was right to do what he did.

I'm married but I have my own bank account as well as joint finances - I'm a guarantor for close family members and it was not a conversation I needed to have with my DH. It's my family and I'd never say no, without very very good reason. I also use my own money to lend money to family when needed. They have and would do the same for me.

Same.

I think it would depend whether it was considered a marital asset. Which you would need legal advice about. Which your selfish boyfriend should have given you time to think about and paid for the legal advice for. Rather than plowing ahead. The sheer recklessness of it is terrifying.

If you own a house, at the very least, if they default then at the very least, if you are lucky, then you're basically fucked on trying to get your boyfriend to pay you any sort of household contribution because his money will be tied up to them for ghe durstion of their tenancy and he will have to declare it as a liability for any future financial stuff.

His attitude is appalling. He's acting like he's loaded and can take the risk purely because you own a house and he feels like you're a safe bet and act like the hero. I'd be too angry at his attitude to entertain this further.

Unless you're going to tell me he pays a fair share towards your joint bills, you aren't working towards anything toelgether, you have no joint assets or money, nor do you plan to, and he earns enough to cover their rent comfortably. Is that right or wrong?

Surely you would if you were married and it became a joint liability?

Waiting until you got home would probably mean they'd lose the property. They are going ridiculously fast at the moment.

I would be very reluctant indeed. As others have pointed out, it could go badly wrong for him, if they get into arrears. Debt collectors will go after whoever seems most likely to pay, which won't be the defaulters.

I refused to be a guarantor for my nephew, to the tune of £1,500 a month for one year. A good move on my part, because he couldn't get any work and abandoned the flat after 3 months. I paid a month's deposit and told him he didn't have to pay me back, if he was struggling.

It caused all sorts of ructions, with my SiL (his mother's sister...) accusing me of being cruel and abusive. Quite why she thought I had 18 grand spare is beyond me! That's what it would have cost me, less the month he managed by himself.

That’s not the way marriage works. It sometimes works that way upon divorce but if I own a property it doesn’t become a marital asset upon getting married, it belongs to me and I can sell it without my spouse’s permission. Equally if I acquire a debt whilst married it’s not joint (although sometimes it might become joint upon divorcing as part of a settlement)

Do you currently live together? Own or rent?

I would probably postpone wedding as I would be concerned about family money being used to prop up BILS business/pay rent.

A friend of my DD recently got pursued for a guarantor ship she signed for an ex boyfriend whose rent she guaranteed when offloading him. She was outraged that she actually had to pay his arrears and acted like she had no idea what she had signed up to. 🙄

I'd be furious. How long is the tenancy?

I would be rethinking the wedding. That kind of financial irresponsibility is not a burden you want for the rest of your life.

does he have a years worth of rent sitting in savings to hand over? Can he afford to get a bill for extreme damages? If not, he can’t afford to be a guarantor.

it’s a risk a parent might take for a child just starting out. It certainly isn’t a risk needed for someone who is already housed.

The guarantor system is appalling and even landlords are fed up with it. It is a condition of insurance mostly, so guess who it benefits?

As a long term renter, who likes to move around, I have always paid up front instead. However, I am lucky to have a good income, and never wanted to own.

It really needs to die a death and treat adults as adults instead of potentially naughty children.

Absolutely not.
If he was extremely well paid and it was a paltry amount and he discussed it with you...maybe.

In your situation where it might impact your own home? Not a chance.

Deal breaker and I certainly wouldn't be marrying such a man.
His judgement is off.
His loyalty is completely off.

This could be a taste of your future.
Do not link your finances to such a person.

It's not sad!
He is nuts to do this

In my opinion. The facts are:

You're planning on shortly signing a contract with someone that legally joins your finances

Any decision that will or could significantly affect those finances should be made jointly. That's any decision- large investments, setting up a business, or as the OPs fiance has done agreeing to pay someone else's rent if they default.

Ita fundamentally unfair to agree to something that could affect your partner significantly, without their agreement

No he does not have the savings or investments to be able to potentially wave goodbye to thousands of pounds with only an eye roll as a consequence.

as for getting out of it, I don’t see how he could without it a massively affecting his relationship or mine with them and this having a harmonious future family relationship. it’s a little like putting on a condom once she’s pregnant!

the fact he has supported family members financially frequently in the past both equally made me adore how supportive he is of those around him but also concerned for our financial security in the future.

100% he should have discussed it with you first. Of course they have no intention of defaulting but he has just gone self employed and he is not in a position to confirm they can cover the rent and that is why the landlord needs a guarantor. What happens if they can't make the payments, can your fiancé cover them whilst maintaining your overheads? If not it will affect his credit rating too (on the assumption you live together).

Also if your Fiancé applies for credit for say a mortgage, they may consider the money he has agreed to cover as guarantor as part of his fixed outgoings even though he may not be paying it. That could make the difference between you getting a mortgage and not.

If a debt occurs it's entirely the fiancé's debt and that remains the case once they are married. If fiancé can afford to pay any arrears it has no effect on the OP.

I would 100% do this for my siblings assuking that the new property is anyway sensible. If they had history of being shit with money then no. But as they are right now, I would. This would he totally normal in my family. I understand it is not for everyone and that's not how they do it but to me this is not a dealbreaker unless ther eis a history with the siblings