Fiancé has agreed to be a Guarantor - I’m not happy

[workworkbloodywork]

Not sure if I’m being highly unreasonable or fully entitled to be majorly fucked off with him.

His sister has asked him to be a guarantor on a rental that they want to upsize to as the partner has recently gone self employed.

he initially asked if I would be too but I was overseas at the time as I asked for us to discuss it when I was home.

he then said that we weren’t needed as they found someone. That then fell through and so they asked if just DF would do it. Again said let’s discuss when I’m home.

ive found out today that they have a moving date and have been packing. Turns out DF has agreed to do it without any communication to me.

so YABU - it’s family, you should think twice and just sign to dotted line asap

or YANBU - as an engaged couple, decisions that affect your family unit should be discussed at length before concluding on a decision together.

Don't get married until this is sorted out. If he took this on without your agreement, then the responsibility is all his, with his money not yours or shared funds. Sorry, what a shame!

100% this.

Them saying you are controlling is shorthand for "You are stopping us manipulating him because he is a soft touch who has always given in to our emotional blackmail and we dont like it that the gravy train as been derailed".

I'm well aware of that, but that's not what the previous comments were about.

It IS sorted out. If you'd read all of OP's posts you'd know this. Like this one:

workworkbloodywork · Yesterday 17:20
So he has written confirmation from the letting agent that he is no longer the guarantor and I have seen this and feel satisfied that he has managed to get out of it that it won’t implicate me financially in any way.

So disrespectful... of him and them Wtf. Op, you did everything right. They are actually controlling and disrespectful expecting you to be put in this position and be ok with it!

This issue of him and his family claiming g she is controlling and disrespectful definitely needs sorting before she marries into such a situation.

No, HE doesn't say she's controlling and disrespectful - his sister and BIL have - and who cares what they think?

@Hedgewitch123 Her final post to date says:
"workworkbloodywork · 18/09/2024 17:29
Oh no my DF is fully behind me and grateful for my input in highlighting what he was signing up from and knows how his DS can behave and told me he corrected them when they raised this to him.
It appears him not agreeing to plans straight away and checking with me as I do to him when invited to things is controlling - I see this as common curtesy in a relationship but hey, she can have her opinions and can have her DB so I guess we’re both winning."
It's clear the "controlling and disrespectful" comments came from her fiance's sister and BIL, not her fiance himself.

Well each to their own but I'd be making sure partner wouldn't be putting me in a situation like this again... which would take months or years to rebuild trust with finances with something so serious. Especially illy with family complaining. Family won't disappear unfortunately, op will have to be involved with family still.

I'm not as trusting though as I think a majority of men are always reckless with women when it comes to stuff like this. Or think they know better or have right to make decisions for other people... but maybe I am tainted by past life experiences and been unlucky.

Just saying op should tread very carefully with regards to finance, which marriage is a big chunk of.. Moving forwards. Op when married, partner and family will be entitled to a lot more if puts in situation like this again.

What do you mean "each to their own"? That's utterly meaningless. I don't disagree with the majority of your latest comnent, except it has nothing to do with what I challenged you on, namely, your erroneous statements that OP's fiance accused her of being "controlling and disrespectful" - he didn't. Acknowledge that, instead of obfuscating.