Page 6 | Fiancé has agreed to be a Guarantor - I’m not happy

workworkbloodywork · 2024-09-15T18:02:49+00:00

Not sure if I’m being highly unreasonable or fully entitled to be majorly fucked off with him. His sister has asked him to be a guarantor on a rental that they want to upsize to as the partner has recently gone self employed. he initially asked if I would be too but I was overseas at the time as I asked for us to discuss it when I was home. he then said that we weren’t needed as they found someone. That then fell through and so they asked if just DF would do it. Again said let’s discuss when I’m home. ive found out today that they have a moving date and have been packing. Turns out DF has agreed to do it without any communication to me. so YABU - it’s family, you should think twice and just sign to dotted line asap or YANBU - as an engaged couple, decisions that affect your family unit should be discussed at length before concluding on a decision together.

Kitkat1523 · 15/09/2024 21:44

Icanttakethisanymore · 15/09/2024 20:02

You can’t currently put a tenancy agreement in place for more than 12 months and you usually get an 6 month break clause, which obviously limits the downside. Also, the eventuality you described is incredibly unlikely and young people often need help so I’d rather take my chances and help a person I trusted, like my own child.

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Yes you can….lots of posters saying the same….2 and 3 year tenancies …….agree highly unlikely…..but it can and does happen …..and if you haven’t got the funds to cover ….it can mean the guarantors home being at risk….if it was my child I would say , stay put until you in a position where you don’t need a guarantor…..or if it was a case of them being homeless then they could always come home…..my doors always open …..but I wouldn’t be a guarantor no way

AngelicKaty · 15/09/2024 21:44

Kitkat1523 · 15/09/2024 19:52

I’ve seen it end in tears….my neighbour ended up owing 22 months of rent as her son lost his job 2 months into a tenancy….the rent was £900 a month….she couldn’t pay and the landlord started a claim on her own property after she had already got herself into debt …..which is basically what happens……if you’ve got a spare 10 - 20k then go for it…..otherwise think very carefully …..no matter how close the relationship

and we are not talking about homeless people…..we are talking about a family member wanting to upsize

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Well said. I've seen it too. I'm not even surprised by the naivety of some of the commenters here - I've seen that too. 🙄

Icanttakethisanymore · 15/09/2024 21:46

Emily1583 · 15/09/2024 20:58

It's going fook up your credit rating no matter what happens from now on. Really bad idea. I'd be fuming if this happened.

The that’s not true at all. If the tenant pays their rent it has no impact on your credit rating. Which is what happens, most if the time.

Coachvikki · 15/09/2024 21:47

For me it wouldn't really matter if I was guarantor or not, if my brother needed help with his rent I would just help him. So I don't see why the signed forms make any difference. What would you do, just see them kicked out?

Rosscameasdoody · 15/09/2024 21:48

ChampagneLassie · 15/09/2024 20:55

Unless his sibling is a liability I wouldn’t even question it. For me this is what family is about and if I were DFand you started interrogating this it might make me reconsider you. DF is the gauarenter, NOT you. This has no impact on you. I just think you’ll come across as very selfish and mercenary

Of course it has an impact on her. They are living together and planning to marry. They will be financially linked and the consequences could be ruinous if this couple default. If anything the OP should be the one seriously reconsidering the relationship. He has steamed ahead without discussion or even consultation, and without properly researching the obligations and pitfalls of what is a very serious financial commitment. That’s a big red flag for their future together. It would be a deal breaker for me.

Talkwhilstyouwalk · 15/09/2024 21:48

Has he just put his name down? Or yours as well? I'd just his then that's fine as long as he has the means to cover it should there be an issue.....I can see where you are coming from to an extent, and my husband has given money to his sister before without much discussion which did annoy me a bit, but it was for a valid reason and from his earnings/personal savings, so fair enough really....

PrettyPickle · 15/09/2024 21:51

samanthablues · 15/09/2024 21:27

you sound very controlling OP, you didn't signed anything ok? Take a deep breath. Any issues it's your BF that's going to have to deal with them, not you, his choice- his responsibility. He may ask for your opinion and that's normal but ultimately he doesn't need your permission to be a guarantor to his sister. If the BIL falls short on rent your BF will be chased by the landlord, then he'll need to pay but you don't give him a dime, do let him know beforehand.

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At no point has she said he needed her permission! But given this is her Fiancé, the man she is to spend the rest of her life with, his decisions now affect her emotionally, financially and their long-term wellbeing.

The fact he did not discuss this with her beforehand, does not bode well for the future. If they were planning to buy a home together, his commitment to be a guarantor, could effectively remove his income from the decision on how mcuh they can borrow.

At no point has she said she wouldn't have agreed but I think it was reasonable to be consulted and for them to make an informed decision between them and he has denied her that option. Clearly hasn't considered their relationship or financial future in his decision. He has been naive.

Rosscameasdoody · 15/09/2024 21:53

Coachvikki · 15/09/2024 21:47

For me it wouldn't really matter if I was guarantor or not, if my brother needed help with his rent I would just help him. So I don't see why the signed forms make any difference. What would you do, just see them kicked out?

It’s not a question of them being kicked out. It’s the risk that the guarantor doesn’t find out about arrears until they are substantial. Then they potentially have to come up with thousands of pounds that the landlord can legally pursue them for. The very fact that the couple need a guarantor in the first place is a red flag that they’ve been financially irresponsible in the past.

juliaxxl80 · 15/09/2024 21:53

Icanttakethisanymore · 15/09/2024 19:46

whilst I would discuss this out of courtesy with my OH, the only way I’d ask ‘permission’ is if I couldn’t cover their rent myself in the event it all went wrong. If I could cover it personally, I wouldn’t be asking, I’d be informing.

Absolutely!

Livingtothefull · 15/09/2024 21:55

The best definition I have heard of for a guarantor is 'an idiot with a pen'.

With several possible exceptions of course: if the guarantor is so financially secure they are confident they can deal with the consequences, and/or if they are 100% confident that the people they are guaranteeing are responsible and trustworthy.

None of that seems to apply here. Sorry but your DF's sister and her partner seem irresponsible and feckless. Why would they choose to take the risk of upsizing for a rental they basically can't afford, right after the partner has gone self-employed? Why wouldn't they at least get the rental approved beforehand while he was in paid work?

I think she has a cheek asking her DB for this help when she knows he himself is engaged and needs to plan for his own future. I also can't believe the effrontery of your DF in asking you to be his sister's guarantor. Really, I would think twice about your plans to marry him, not just because of the implications of this decision but because of the risk of any unilateral decisions he might make to support his needy family members, once your finances are intertwined.

Kitkat1523 · 15/09/2024 21:56

Coachvikki · 15/09/2024 21:47

For me it wouldn't really matter if I was guarantor or not, if my brother needed help with his rent I would just help him. So I don't see why the signed forms make any difference. What would you do, just see them kicked out?

But could you afford to cover his unpaid rent, it that happened? If you could then no problem…..if not it could be a case of you kicked out of your home ….when they come knocking for their money and you can’t pay.
and no one’s homeless here…..the family member just wants a bigger place

Caramellie3 · 15/09/2024 21:56

I would do this for my sibling as long as they were good with money. I have used a guarantor in the past and always paid my rent on time. Your getting a lot of nightmare situations but it seems it may be to late now.

harriethoyle · 15/09/2024 21:58

@workworkbloodywork has DF said you’ll both be guarantors or has he just said he will be? They’re very different scenarios.

If he’s volunteered you that’s massively out of order. But if he’s made that decision on his own part for his sibling you’re being very controlling to suggest you need to approve it. I wouldn’t even ask my DH if my sibling needed this let alone expect to need his permission.

Stickystickysticky · 15/09/2024 21:59

My daughter's boyfriend needed a guarantor when they rented (my dd was fine and had good credit) , he asked me and I said no. After much persuasion his mother agreed ( she obviously knew what he was like) and after 3 months he disappeared leaving my daughter. His mother was livid and asked if I could help financially, I again said no. It's all very good being a guarantor when everything is going well, but if it goes tits up it can all turn very unpleasant.

AngelicKaty · 15/09/2024 22:00

workworkbloodywork · 15/09/2024 20:25

No he does not have the savings or investments to be able to potentially wave goodbye to thousands of pounds with only an eye roll as a consequence.

as for getting out of it, I don’t see how he could without it a massively affecting his relationship or mine with them and this having a harmonious future family relationship. it’s a little like putting on a condom once she’s pregnant!

the fact he has supported family members financially frequently in the past both equally made me adore how supportive he is of those around him but also concerned for our financial security in the future.

It will affect any harmonious future family relationship if they default on their rent and he's called upon to pay it. It's nice that he's been able to help out family members previously, but on this occasion he should have swiftly said "No, I'm sorry, that's a potentially huge commitment and I can't afford to take the risk."

Dontbeme · 15/09/2024 22:00

What your DF plan long-term if your relationship ends? He's living in your home right now but what happens if you split, can he afford his and sister's rental cost? Is your home protected legally right now, or had he got a legal interest? I would be protecting myself if he's determined to make financial decisions that impact both of you.

Kitkat1523 · 15/09/2024 22:03

Caramellie3 · 15/09/2024 21:56

I would do this for my sibling as long as they were good with money. I have used a guarantor in the past and always paid my rent on time. Your getting a lot of nightmare situations but it seems it may be to late now.

The fact that they need a guarantor in the first place would suggest they are not great with money….they are not first time renters ……and BIL has recently started a new business which is always risky

Thisismetooaswell · 15/09/2024 22:05

Kitkat1523 · 15/09/2024 19:05

I would not be happy with this…..I wouldn’t even be guarantor for my own children….much as I love them

What????

GivingitToGod · 15/09/2024 22:07

AngelicKaty · 15/09/2024 20:45

Well said. Nor would I.

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Me neither

SpanielPaws · 15/09/2024 22:08

OP have you checked that he hasn't actually used you as well? I would want to see a copy of whatever he has signed. Why did they need 2 guarantors initially but then only 1 was able to. Don't trust blindly.

Rosscameasdoody · 15/09/2024 22:08

I think it’s quite concerning that so many posters here seem to be so unaware of the financial ramifications of acting as a guarantor. And it seems to be those very posters who are telling the OP she’s unreasonable to object and it’ll all be fine. The risks of acting as guarantor aside, it also doesn’t seem to have registered with some posters that this was a serious financial commitment he made alone and without discussion, despite the fact that he doesn’t have the means to cover any losses. Huge red flag, both for financial irresponsibility and for his willingness to make unilateral decisions with absolutely no consideration for the potential impact on his partner.

HeySummerWhereAreYou · 15/09/2024 22:11

Thisismetooaswell · 15/09/2024 22:05

What????

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Sorry, but so what? What is wrong with not wanting to be a guarantor for your children?

It's no good any parent agreeing to be guarantor for their children, if said parent can't afford to pay the rent or loan or debts of that child. (Should that child be unable or unwilling to pay up.)

.

6pence · 15/09/2024 22:11

Can he afford to do it?

soupfiend · 15/09/2024 22:12

Rosscameasdoody · 15/09/2024 22:08

I think it’s quite concerning that so many posters here seem to be so unaware of the financial ramifications of acting as a guarantor. And it seems to be those very posters who are telling the OP she’s unreasonable to object and it’ll all be fine. The risks of acting as guarantor aside, it also doesn’t seem to have registered with some posters that this was a serious financial commitment he made alone and without discussion, despite the fact that he doesn’t have the means to cover any losses. Huge red flag, both for financial irresponsibility and for his willingness to make unilateral decisions with absolutely no consideration for the potential impact on his partner.

Edited

This all day. Im astounded at how little people understand about this

And the constant questioning of the poster who said she wouldnt do it for her children, no neither would I. You need to be able to throw away that money, for the entire rental period, without qualm, to take the risk

And the risk might never come to fruition, but you dont know that.

And as for the poster who put her mother down but then reckons theres no rental period so all was well, words fail me.

whynotwhatknot · 15/09/2024 22:13

people are so naive family woulnt not pay-yes it happens the baliffs will be instructed after so much arrears then he'll have to pay it or lose his own belongings

has he put own your house as reference for a credit chek-it will come bak on you either way as he lives there