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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Fiancé has agreed to be a Guarantor - I’m not happy

360 replies

workworkbloodywork · 15/09/2024 19:02

Not sure if I’m being highly unreasonable or fully entitled to be majorly fucked off with him.

His sister has asked him to be a guarantor on a rental that they want to upsize to as the partner has recently gone self employed.

he initially asked if I would be too but I was overseas at the time as I asked for us to discuss it when I was home.

he then said that we weren’t needed as they found someone. That then fell through and so they asked if just DF would do it. Again said let’s discuss when I’m home.

ive found out today that they have a moving date and have been packing. Turns out DF has agreed to do it without any communication to me.

so YABU - it’s family, you should think twice and just sign to dotted line asap

or YANBU - as an engaged couple, decisions that affect your family unit should be discussed at length before concluding on a decision together.

OP posts:
gamerchick · 15/09/2024 20:32

Can he afford to pay out a huge lump in rent arrears? They don't just come and ask him to take over the rent. They'll send bailiffs when it's gone that far.

Tbh I wouldn't be marrying him or joining finances with him. Nor would I share a house. It's a stupid thing to do.

pottymouth40 · 15/09/2024 20:34

The only way anyone should ever sign to be a home owner guarantor for anyone is if you will be able to stump up the persons rent should they become unable to pay it (obviously could be thousands depending on how upfront they are or if they wait until it’s a big old mess) or if you are ok with your property potentially being repossessed should you/the person you are guarantor for be unable to pay the arrears.

My dh is a LL and the amount of people who sign up to be guarantor for relations without having any idea of what it actually entails is quite unbelievable. Most guarantors end up paying up but we could legally take them to court if they dont/cant - obviously no one wants it to go that far.

HesterRoon · 15/09/2024 20:34

Kitkat1523 · 15/09/2024 19:05

I would not be happy with this…..I wouldn’t even be guarantor for my own children….much as I love them

Say what?

soupfiend · 15/09/2024 20:35

People are focussing on this being 'your problem' if you marry

However it may be too late for that.

You havent answered questions about whether you jointly rent or have a mortgage together, have you made application for a mortgage together, do you have joint accounts?

Marriage is one thing, but you may already be financially associated with each other

I would not be a guarantor for anyone. I think the more people that put their foot down this has to end as a system. It is not a requirement of all insurance as somdeone said above.

BlackShuck3 · 15/09/2024 20:35

He's gone directly against what you asked him to do, and this is in the early stages of your being together where he's on his best behaviour.
I'd be wondering if he really sees marriage as a partnership or is it a case of 'I'll do as I please and you do as you're told'?

PrettyPickle · 15/09/2024 20:35

Thinking about this a bit more, how long is the tenancy commitment for? I'm not sure if you can do this but I would put a limit on the guarantor status if you can, say 2 years and get your Fiancé to tell his family and the landlord that if they want to renew the tenancy agreement after that date, it will be without your Fiancé as guarantor as it will affect your financial ability with regard to your own future home. That gives them ample time to get on their feet, so you are being helpful, and gives a valid reason why you have set a deadline. It also limits your partners financial commitment to two years.

I say this on the basis that it is a done deal,

NewGreenDuck · 15/09/2024 20:36

I would not be happy with this. Do you know all the conditions for being guarantor? Is it solely for rent or is it for all aspects of the tenancy? ( I dealt with guarantors where they were liable if the tenant caused damage) Is it for a limited time or for the whole of the tenancy?
Has he taken independent advice on his responsibilities?

Mainoo72 · 15/09/2024 20:37

I’d be fuming. I know someone who ended up in deep trouble as a guarantor for their child who stopped paying their rent. It ruined his finances & his relationship. I would never be a guarantor for anyone.

SoNiceToComeHomeTo · 15/09/2024 20:37

I would only do this if I could find the price of their rent every month until the agreement ended. The most honest and careful can have crises outside their control that mean they can't pay - redundancy, failure of their own business, sickness, accident, world events. It doesn't mean you don't trust them. If there is a problem and your money isn't involved in covering the rent you will be able to help them in other ways.

BlackShuck3 · 15/09/2024 20:38

I would not be a guarantor for anyone. I think the more people that put their foot down this has to end as a system. It is not a requirement of all insurance as somdeone said above
I agree with this from @soupfiend I wouldn't want to facilitate anything which helps landlords siphon other people's hard earned money into their retirement fund.

ZenNudist · 15/09/2024 20:39

Are you living together? Do you own a home? I think you said he's not independently wealthy. Can he get out of it or is it a done deal? If not he needs to back out of it now. Has he got the money he needs to live and pay his sisters rent? If he hasn't he has been incredibly foolish.

I'm sorry but this would be a deal breaker for me. I'd be calling off the engagement. How dare he make financial decisions that affect the two of you, alone?. If he doesn't appreciate the financial ramifications of what he's done I also wouldn't marry someone unable to be trusted and with no financial competence.

This is huge. What are you going to do?

Rewis · 15/09/2024 20:41

he is not in a position to confirm they can cover the rent and that is why the landlord needs a guarantor

Last flat we rented we needed a guarantor. My bf was working full time in a good NHS job. I was a full time student but getting student money every month and eorked part time. We offered to pay 6months rent as a deposit. That wasn't good enough. My parents offerer to be guardntors but since they're pensioners they weren't accepted. Apparently my bf owning a property that he was going to rent out was enough to prove we were worthy. So sometimes even when you have the means it is difficult without a guarantor.

PointsSouth · 15/09/2024 20:45

Kitkat1523 · 15/09/2024 19:05

I would not be happy with this…..I wouldn’t even be guarantor for my own children….much as I love them

What???^^

AngelicKaty · 15/09/2024 20:45

Kitkat1523 · 15/09/2024 19:05

I would not be happy with this…..I wouldn’t even be guarantor for my own children….much as I love them

Well said. Nor would I.

BobbyBiscuits · 15/09/2024 20:46

I swear people don't think it through when they do this. Especially for family that seems 'financially stable' well what do you need a guarantor for then? But the person gasses on about their solvency and how loopholes or horrible rules mean they need your help. It's just a formality etc. of course we can pay...
It's an utter minefield and he should have thought more than twice before agreeing. You'll not bail him out to cover their rent will you?

GiveMeSomeWaterItsHot · 15/09/2024 20:47

YANBU and I would be fuming. Two of our kids have asked us to be guarantors and we’ve said no each time. If you go for a mortgage the mortgage company will take this into consideration when doing their affordability checks.

BlackShuck3 · 15/09/2024 20:48

AngelicKaty · 15/09/2024 20:45

Well said. Nor would I.

Show quote history

Same here.
I have in the past offered to lend them the first six months rent up front but I would never be a guarantor for anyone, it's like giving a stranger a main line into your bank account- no way🛑
We should all as a society stop doing this and then landlords wouldn't be able to use it to screw people over.

Cyclebabble · 15/09/2024 20:48

Tricky one. I have guaranteed DCs rentals on a number of occasions. It is though a serious business. If the tenants default then you are liable. This can happen for any number of reasons and you would be held liable for any rental loss. Depends on how close you are to the in laws and how credit worthy you think they are.

soupfiend · 15/09/2024 20:49

The kids have asked us and we have said no. They are in their 30s when I say kids.

We dont have the fall back to bail anyone out

diddl · 15/09/2024 20:53

If there's no risk of them defaulting/there's ample money to cover it if they do-fine imo.

If not might you be risking the roof over your head to keep the one over theirs?

Original poster
workworkbloodywork · 15/09/2024 20:54

We do live together in a property that I have a mortgage on.

I believe that he does not understand all the ins and outs. I certainly do not, as it is not something I have been involved with previously so had bliss ignorance to it and hence asking for us to discuss once I was home and to give us time to research the implications of being needed.

I just feel like I’ve always made him feel like a priority within our relationship (he too has massively supported me through many things in our relationship and has been thoroughly deserving only this) but this has made me feel completely sidelined, as though my opinion and perspective and support isn’t valued and that I’m bottom of the pile.

I totally understand he wanted to support his sibling and that he thought it wouldn’t impact me but that thought had no foundation of research to support it.

OP posts:
TemuSpecialBuy · 15/09/2024 20:54

workworkbloodywork · 15/09/2024 20:25

No he does not have the savings or investments to be able to potentially wave goodbye to thousands of pounds with only an eye roll as a consequence.

as for getting out of it, I don’t see how he could without it a massively affecting his relationship or mine with them and this having a harmonious future family relationship. it’s a little like putting on a condom once she’s pregnant!

the fact he has supported family members financially frequently in the past both equally made me adore how supportive he is of those around him but also concerned for our financial security in the future.

He gets to make his choices
You get to make yours

and if choose to put marriage plans on hold until it’s resolved

I personally have strong feelings about financial security that are probably more conservative than average…. I also saw my cousin get badly fucked up the arse to the tune of several thousand euro by her dickhead brother and girlfriend. While all this is going on her mother and father are handwringing in the background about family being more important than money and how they don’t want her making things awkward… 😵‍💫

there is a reason they need a guarantor they default on debt and have bad credit….

until freed from the financial guillotine that is the guarantorship I would not be planning any wedding with this man and I would be telling him why.

Your reference to pregnancy and condoms is also timely…😅 if you aren’t already get on effective contraception.

I simply couldn’t contractually attach myself to someone with that level of financial exposure.

if they make all payments for a year or so he should be able to either get someone else to do it or they won’t need it anymore.

ChampagneLassie · 15/09/2024 20:55

Unless his sibling is a liability I wouldn’t even question it. For me this is what family is about and if I were DFand you started interrogating this it might make me reconsider you. DF is the gauarenter, NOT you. This has no impact on you. I just think you’ll come across as very selfish and mercenary

ReadingSoManyThreads · 15/09/2024 20:56

Rewis · 15/09/2024 20:41

he is not in a position to confirm they can cover the rent and that is why the landlord needs a guarantor

Last flat we rented we needed a guarantor. My bf was working full time in a good NHS job. I was a full time student but getting student money every month and eorked part time. We offered to pay 6months rent as a deposit. That wasn't good enough. My parents offerer to be guardntors but since they're pensioners they weren't accepted. Apparently my bf owning a property that he was going to rent out was enough to prove we were worthy. So sometimes even when you have the means it is difficult without a guarantor.

It would have been against the law for the LL to take 6 months of rent as a deposit. The MOST a LL can do (depending on which UK country it is of course), is 5 weeks rent as a deposit, and this must be placed in a deposit scheme.

So it wasn't about not being good enough, it was about the LL ensuring they acted within the law.

Namechangeforcheese · 15/09/2024 20:57

It depends so much. I'd. do this for my sister because she is hardworking , stubborn and reliable. There isn't a chance in hell I'd do it for my brother or DH's brother because they are both feckless chancers.