Fiancé has agreed to be a Guarantor - I’m not happy

[workworkbloodywork]

Not sure if I’m being highly unreasonable or fully entitled to be majorly fucked off with him.

His sister has asked him to be a guarantor on a rental that they want to upsize to as the partner has recently gone self employed.

he initially asked if I would be too but I was overseas at the time as I asked for us to discuss it when I was home.

he then said that we weren’t needed as they found someone. That then fell through and so they asked if just DF would do it. Again said let’s discuss when I’m home.

ive found out today that they have a moving date and have been packing. Turns out DF has agreed to do it without any communication to me.

so YABU - it’s family, you should think twice and just sign to dotted line asap

or YANBU - as an engaged couple, decisions that affect your family unit should be discussed at length before concluding on a decision together.

I 100% agree with this. They may well be eying up your property already OP and assuming you are awash with money.

You ask 'I don’t know if we married and they were behind on rent would I be facing losing my house if I can’t cover their rent and he hasn’t been able to either?'. The answer I am afraid is definitely yes.

Please take all necessary steps to protect yourself and your assets, and don't be talked into anything which you are uncomfortable with.

So she’s not a guarantor then

Yes, the backstory here makes this worse. If it was a one off mistake and he had the funds to pay the costs of it himself if needed, that would be bad but not quite so bad. But an ongoing history and expectation of him providing financial support? I'd be thinking very carefully about marrying him while that's still happening.

Correct…. ‘would not’ …..it could end up being thousands ……my savings are for my retirement …..I would not risk ending up with no savings and having a frugal retirement because my child defaulted on their rent and /or caused damage which I then had to pay for…..I love all my children….none of them are reckless….but you just never know what is going to happen…..they will always have a home with me if they have no where to go…..but I would never be a guarantor …..I have actually already given 2 of my children 10k each when they bought their first homes …..but I was in control of that….there were no uncertainties….. all I can think is that all the guarantor parents on here are far richer than I am …..or far more naive 🤔

I think it's up to him (at the moment) but equally it's up to you whether you get married to him. You haven't mentioned that the wedding is imminent. Has a date been set? I would probably not want to arrange anything until they're at the point where the tenancy can be renewed without your DP being guarantor.

I have been guarantor for my children as students. I don't think anyone likes doing that but there is usually not much choice. I don't think I'd do it for my siblings.

...that's all you can think. There is no other explanation....

I don’t know if we married and they were behind on rent would I be facing losing my house if I can’t cover their rent and he hasn’t been able to either?

You’d be liable with your husband I expect. I wouldn’t be wanting to take on someone else’s debt.

I'm not naive but I very much doubt my children would default on their rent by thousands and they certainly wouldn't cause thousands of pounds worth of damage. I appreciate no one can say there's zero risk but some risks are worth taking. I'm not going to massively reduce my children's chances of a good education etc to prevent a very small risk of my retirement being impacted.

Yes, if it was a box someone else was allowed to tick then I don't get how it would impose the legal obligations of a guarantor on the person being ticked for? This sounds like something else.

Just to point out that it isn't about the individuals being responsible and trustworthy; there may be reasons for defaulting which are beyond their control. But I appreciate that you consider it a risk worth taking for the benefit of giving your children the best possible start in life, and that is fine.

However I really have no patience for full-blown adults like the DF's sister and her partner, going cap in hand to a family member for money. Not even in an emergency, or for any defined future benefit - just because they want to upsize. When they should do what most adults would do: accept they need to downsize for a year or two until they can afford more (perhaps until the partner's business takes off).

There really is no equivalence between these situations.

And that’s fine for you to do you…..I’m not a risk taker in any part of my life …..none of my children have been to uni…they got jobs, and then bought houses so I obviously haven’t been in that position…..but i could not ever see myself taking on a role as a guarantor……far to many ‘what ifs’ …regardless of how much I trust others …..I’m 59 now and retirement is very close…..I couldn’t risk signing a document that could leave me open to paying thousands of £££s

There is also a risk to not guaranteeing your child's rent if they are a student though. If they don't get accommodation they may have to give up their education and potentially future life chances. Obviously you didn't have to weigh up the risks if your children were never students but I'm just explaining why people do as you seem to perplexed and feel that everybody who does guarantee their student child's rent is either rich or naive. Neither is usually the case. Also you did pay 1000s of pounds when you gave your DC 10K so not that poor and unable to take a risk.

If they go to uni you have no choice if they want to rent.

If they go to uni you have no choice if they want to rent.

You cannot guarantor if you cannot afford to cover. Many people could not pay two lots of rent/mortgage, and do not have the savings to use in case of default.

The alternative to needing a guarantor is to pay 6 months rent upfront. A lot of landlords will agree to that. Or go through a professional guarantor company. These options will cost you, but in all honesty, if you cannot afford those options then you cannot afford to be a guarantor.

It does sound like you need to have a big chat about finances before marriage. DP and I have done this, there are a few relatives who have not set themselves up financially for the future and have already made hints that they expect us to help (we are not well off! But because we're both employed and live in a city, they assume), and we have agreed 100% we can't support them - we need our savings for whatever life may throw at us, and hopefully to support any future DC. It wasn't the most pleasant topic to discuss but it needed discussion.

The specific guarantor situation depends a lot on the self-employment - is it a fairly secure thing or not? And have you discussed what would actually happen if they couldn't pay rent? There's a huge difference between them actually being confident they can afford it (maybe they've budgeted for one income only, have extra savings they could use or the self employment is a sure thing) but for some reason the landlord preferred a guarantor, and them having no safety net which means you are now that net.

Any reason they needed to upsize right at a time when they can't, on paper, afford to?

Of course there’s a choice …..what if you are on benefits? Then you could not do this

Yes, she did.. probably for some of the reasons in my post.

I don't think I would trust the fiance again, unless he is wealthy enough to cover the guarantee and his current expenditure.
He jumped in and did this, and would not wait for OP to get back and discuss it.
He could easily do the same again after marriage, which would certainly impact the OP.
I would be rethinking the marriage, and ensuring that he had no claim on OP's property.

No, she can't be made liable for a debt solely incurred by STB husband, but her financial security could certainly be affected if they were to have joint marital assets.

You'd pay your brother's rent indefinitely "in a hearbeat"? Because that's what you're agreeing to do.

Yes.

you would pay it because you can afford it?……ie you have a good few thousand ? 10 to 20k ,going spare, which you can afford to lose and this will not impact negatively on any of your dependants or on yours or DPs future finances ….then go for it

Well yes that's why I said I'd do it in a heartbeat. Anyone who goes guarantor who doesn't have that is a fool.

Well on that we agree