Fiancé has agreed to be a Guarantor - I’m not happy

[workworkbloodywork]

Not sure if I’m being highly unreasonable or fully entitled to be majorly fucked off with him.

His sister has asked him to be a guarantor on a rental that they want to upsize to as the partner has recently gone self employed.

he initially asked if I would be too but I was overseas at the time as I asked for us to discuss it when I was home.

he then said that we weren’t needed as they found someone. That then fell through and so they asked if just DF would do it. Again said let’s discuss when I’m home.

ive found out today that they have a moving date and have been packing. Turns out DF has agreed to do it without any communication to me.

so YABU - it’s family, you should think twice and just sign to dotted line asap

or YANBU - as an engaged couple, decisions that affect your family unit should be discussed at length before concluding on a decision together.

Just a quick note. Anyone signing as a guarantor for students, as long as all tenants are students, can get guarantor insurance. It provides peace of mind, especially if there are flatmates you don't know. It's not cheap but cheaper than a years rent.
It's not easy to be accepted as a guarantor. You have to qualify on income, credit score etc. It is a serious financial commitment. Not to be entered lightly.

about how much does it cost?

Kitkat1523
The price varies with the cost of cover you want. I paid about £200 which covered about £40k of rent/damage. (I just worked out total rent and added a bit)

Fair enough……can’t understand why everyone doesn’t do this then???
all these posters saying how they would take massive risks to ensure their D.C. had the best education……and they could just pay up 200 quid 🤷‍♀️

Not read the full thread, but if you aren't married, don't own a house together and your finances are separate then it's really nothing to do with you.

sparkellie · Today 14:38
Not read the full thread, but if you aren't married, don't own a house together and your finances are separate then it's really nothing to do with you.

But he lives with her. In her house. If this guarantee is called in, can he still pay his way, as well as his family's?
If not, that leaves OP with the option of chucking him out because he can't pay his way, or sucking up the expenses of the home. Unless he is wealthy enough to pay both, he has involved her.
Could you imagine your partner saying to you, 'Sorry, love can't pay my share, it's all gone on my brother'
He puts her in an awful position, as well as having to (or should) postpone any of their financial plans together.

So it appears as though he has gone and met with them today to pull out of it after I highlighted to him just exactly what he has signed up to and the implications that it can have to not only us as a couple but also if he was just a single man.He has acted out of stupid naivety. It appears that he has been met with them kicking off at him, I just hope that once the disappointment that they are rightly allowed to feel, they will realise how much he is willing to put himself out for them in other respects and still want a good relationship with him.

The anger I felt yesterday had somewhat dissipated but I feel incredibly let down. We are going to discuss further tonight. thank you to everyone who posted helpful and insightful comments.

Had he actually signed? Is he able to pull out?

Unless the poster knows something i don't know, you still have to guarantee your child's rent and damages even if you do have the insurance. The guarantor insurance just helps to make sure you only pay your "fair share" should the landlord decide to go just after you for the whole house rent arrears or damages rather than all the guarantors.

I assume he hadn't sign it yet?

He was naive BUT in his defence he listened to you in the end.

It shows that he takes what you say on board and does listen to you.

It's not worth the argument. Just sat your glad he changed his mind and that it's better making joint choice in future.

My first thought also. Hopefully it’s just a verbal agreement at this point.

I think universities will sometimes act as guarantors for students who can't get one any other way.

I'm glad he saw sense, OP. It's easy to get talked into things by "oh well you'll never to pay" type assurances but it's a horrid situation to be in if things go tits up and it's family involved.

If he's not signed yet and can still pull out, that's a relief. But I think in your discussions tonight, you have to address him providing this ad hoc family financial support and what will happen if there are future requests.

Yes, you do. They can pay 12 months rent up front, or you can. If you act as guarantor to a student in a house share you are effectively held responsible for anyone in that house share defaulting, not just your child. If someone defaults or leaves and the others can’t cover the shortfall, you could find yourself liable.

I'd just stick to being a `fiance'.

And when they are married, own a house together, and have joint finances ? What then ?

And if OP and her fiancé are living together then it absolutely is everything to do with her, regardless of whether their finances are joint or separate. This is a massive financial commitment and can impact future joint finances and any joint mortgage applications or renewals. Not only that but he made it without her knowledge despite not having the means to cover the arrears if his family defaulted. So OP would be left with a choice to either ask him to leave, or help him with a debt she had no part in.

A lot of landlords wouldn't let you off being a guarantor even if 12 months rent is paid. They still want to be able to sue for damages.

Well that's a good result.

It appears that he has been met with them kicking off at him, I just hope that once the disappointment that they are rightly allowed to feel, they will realise how much he is willing to put himself out for them in other respects and still want a good relationship with him

I'm afraid the "kicking off" is only what I'd expect, given his past enablement and their own clear entitlement. Folk such as this don't tend to appreciate the bank doors being slammed shut and rarely consider what's already been given, but I suppose there's always hope

Sorry though, but for me the "stupid naivety" would be reason enough in itself to reconsider marrying him, and that's before you get to him ploughing ahead with this and ignoring what you'd said about discussing it first.
That suggests not naivety but disdain, and I'd worry that the same attitude would crop up elsewhere even if the current mess is "resolved"

Then the answer would be no from me on the question of acting as guarantor for a student in a house share. No way would I open myself up to guaranteeing that the rest of the tenants pay their share.

GREAT news OP (I'm assuming he hadn't already signed the guarantor agreement) and you did a GREAT job explaining the gravity of this undertaking to him. 👏 And to give him some credit, he was prepared to back-track with his sister and BIL and deal with their anger/disappointment (of course, if he'd listened to you in the first place, this wouldn't have been so bad ..... 😉). Thanks for updating - it's good to hear the outcome (so many MN OPs don't do this!).

Im being a debbie downer, but is he a people pleaser?

He did it because they asked and now he wont do it because he knows you're questioning it?

Very disappointing to hear about the siblings ungratefullness. No right to be disappointed to be honest.

Sounds like he’s now realised the implications of doing it…..the potential consequences…..and has dodged a bullet

There isn't much choice.