Crikey @glassdo
Mine are grown up now but my DS was extremely headstrong and active and also an escapologist and worked out the childproof locks in minutes, probably lying at less than two. He was also the perfect child at nursery.
A teacher told me once that the children who were good at nursery or school could save up naughtiness for home because it was their safe space and indicated good not poor parenting.
Locks: I had to fit two to every door and cupboard - he wasn't dexteous enough to release both at the same time. He also once undid his car seat buckle on the M25 and clambered over the back of the car. I made a cover with buttons to wrap round it, ditto the pram.
Park: any misbehaviour and he was manhandled straight back into the buggy with a knee holding him in whilst I sorted the straps. He could tantrum as much as he liked.
Toys: I have been slated on here for this, but they were allowed two toys out at a time and if they wanted another one, something else had to be nicely put away first. I could not stand a chaotic house and also they didn't have tons of them.
Mealtimes: at the table and only at the table, no food anywhere else - ever. Also simple meals - cheese cube, bit of ham cherry Tom's, bread sticks. If not eaten after 10 minutes, clear it away. Mealtime is over.
Treats: again I've been slated for this but if they were good, after tea they were allowed to chose four sweets from the sweetie jar (little ones) and eat them watching TV. If they hadn't been good, there was something small to take away and I was ruthless with this. Then it was tidy up time and bathtime.
7pm to 9pm were quiet time (they didn't need much sleep and it was easier to put them to bed later to ensure an unbroken night). It also meant they were awake to see daddy who was rarely home before 9pm and often later. They never slept beyond 6.30, usually up earlier, otherwise this might have been a problem.
I also had a dh who was a workaholic, worked all hours and often away. I had a three year gap though so never did yards as hard as yours.
DS in particular was very full on and needed exercising rather like a young labrador.
Don't sweat the small stuff: the pencil sharpening doesn't matter and there's no point reasoning.
Try and make sure you get some me time - I'd also say my life was it's very hardest when I worked part-time trying to be all things to all people at all times and do work and home to perfection.
This too shall pass. They will grow up. My DH was never going to be hands on and I accepted that. I also accepted the privileges that came later: the beautiful house, the private schools, etc.
If it's any consolation, two energetic, strong-willed children who could be stubborn and brattish and non stop to such an extent that some nights my mouth was tired from talking to them, answering questions and telling them off and directing would be tired, each brought me home a first: one from Oxford and the other from Cambridge.