Feeling completely overwhelmed, I keep screaming into a pillow

[glassdo]

Please be kind. I don't know what's wrong with me today. I'm so fucking fed up of mum life.

My kids are two and four and it's so relentless.

I think I must just be so unhappy to be so happy overwhelmed.

Especially my two year old just doesn't fucking listen to a word I say. I can't even get him to eat anything. All he does is cry, scream and have tantrums if he doesn't get exactly what he wants.

I'm so angry today. I'm angry. It's another Sunday alone with the kids. It's been another week, dealing with my kids basically alone because my husband works away a fair amount. I'm angry because they don't listen to me ( especially the little one ). I'm angry because I work so fucking hard to keep my house tidy and clean and all they do all day is mess it up.

I am so angry because I feel like everyone thinks I'm a joke and a mess of a human and they can do it better than me. By everyone I mean my in laws, my parents and even my husband. I think he thinks I'm just a bit shit. He has no idea how much it takes for me to keep the house in the condition it's in.

I can't take it. I just want my kids to listen to me. I can't take it anymore

I'm absolutely fuming today.

That's a really kind and helpful post @FloozyMcGee.

Sadly in the UK our system of support and intervention for parents of young children has been pretty much dismantled.

Unless you are very lucky, you get only what you pay for here.

When I was really low dealing with my daughter (who was later diagnosed with ADHD and ASD) I took great comfort from a couple of books by American child psychologists, The Explosive Child and 10 Days to a Less Defiant Child. It was obvious from reading them that there is more support in America (maybe area dependent; I don't know).

When my child was like this I used to put him into the downstairs toilet and shut the door. It was a safe place and he couldnt hurt himself i told him he could come out as soon as he stopped screaming.I would do the same thing every time he had a paddy. Things soon got better- it got to a stage where I just threaten him with it and it was like a magic switch...give it a try xx good luck I sincerely know awful things can be.

I used to shut myself in the downstairs toilet, if she was really going for me, with a coffee if I had the presence of mind.

See if u can book into a parenting course so u know what to do when yr children don’t listen.
get yrself a job so u have other things to focus on.

It doesn’t really matter if the house is a mess, what they’ll remember is you playing with them, or not.
You’re overwhelmed and need support, please contact your GP for help.
This won’t last forever, don’t give up!
Good luck.

Hi, how did you manage this? Is there any way of balancing hormones? Tia x

@Hello55 , I did the blood tests I mentioned and found out my testosterone was half what it should be and my progesterone: oestrogen ratio was 30 !! my oestrogen level was fine - it was my progesterone that was low and out of balance.

so I went to a private menopause clinic and got a prescription (only because in my experience the majority of GPs have no idea about this, don’t listen and try and fob you off with antidepressants and birth control pills). The menopause clinic then wrote to my GP so I could get it prescribed by them.

Initially they only prescribed oestrogen and pr0gesterone (which is standard procedure) but As I felt I didn’t necsssarily need the estrogen (my levels were fine) I took the very lowest dose .

I also took the progesterone ( only bio identical - Utrogestan or cyclogest. Not synthetic ). Then after 3 months I retested and my ratio was 75 so I upped the progesterone to get the ratio over 100. After a while I added in testosterone, then when my oestrogen dropped I upped that one too .

basically I went against the traditional medical recommendation of adding more oestrogen first . I had done a lot of research and was fully informed and made the choice that I felt was correct for me .

Not saying it’s the case for everyone!

It takes time , effort , understanding, fighting for it (sadly) and trial & error . Plus I also am working on having a healthier lifestyle overall .

Mine has had such an impact on my mental health . From awful PMS/PMDD , anxiety, heavy flooding periods , cramps plus PCOS throughout my reproductive years to even worse anxiety , brain fog, rage, UTIs, vertigo etc etc. and feeling really scared during peri menopause!

my peri started at 35 - it took me 5 years to figure it out and doctors dismissed me because I was having periods . massive eye roll !!

Any way sorry if I hijacked the post a bit there. 😊

Big hugs op I'm sure you are doing great. My girls are 17 months apart in age and I swear I genuinely lost the plot between the ages of 1 and 5........ they are now 10 and 11 years old and are easier to deal with.
But I remember very well dreading taking them anywhere, house was absolute chaos even if all I had done was pick things up all day. Because the house was chaos, my mind was absolute chaos.
Do you have any friends outside of family? Or any supportive family members you can talk to?
I had a partner at the time (their dad) but he was not supportive in the slightest so I was basically on my own. But mom friends you can vent to are very helpful, kids are assholes sometimes, and IMO any parent who says otherwise are definitely lying lol.
Would you consider baby wearing the 2 year old? That can help with containment. Also good earplugs/ headphones, aslong as you can see your children are safe you do not have to listen to the relentless screaming. Noises are a massive trigger for me..... specially that pitch that they hit. So headphones were a must for me.
I'm sure noone thinks your a joke or a mess if a human, and to be quite frank if they do f**k them. Can always do it amazing when your not doing it day I'm day out.
Don't put too much pressure on the eating thing, he genuinely won't starve. My oldest is still am absolute pain with food, would eat crap all day if I allowed her to. But she has never starved, she is actually atleast 10kg heavier than me and 2 dress sizes bigger. Again I know easier said than done, but if he won't eat his dinner just say okay, take it away and don't even mention it again. If he starts screaming for food put the headphones on, if it's a dinner you could put back infront of him do that. It will take time but he will eventually realise it's that and nothing else....... very very hard in practice I do appreciate that. But honestly you got this and your doing great

I would definitely suggest trying the anti-depressants. Sometimes your brain needs help with its chemistry! From personal experience and that of many others I know, it’s like walking from darkness into light.

I think this is a really good idea. I have one child but the 3 of us (husband makes 3) live in a 1-bed flat. We sleep in the open plan living area and my daughter has her own room, and she has mountains of toys so I know the struggle of trying to keep somewhere clean and tidy.

Kids who have fewer toys are more creative so it’s actually good for all of you to get rid of some.

Your kids sound incredibly hard to deal with so keep your chin up and fuck what your husband and in laws think to be honest.

Her Husband is out working. He’s not off playing golf. What’s he supposed to do give his job up. How would that help anyone

Is there an option for your DH to work from home. I know he couldn’t do anything if he was busy, but sometimes just having someone around helps. He could also help out on his lunch and breaks.
I recognize though that may not be possible if you only live in a small property and he’s taking calls. ect.

is she hyperactive ? Is it worth checking for ADHD ? Is she worse after sweets or is she over stimulated by screen time ? Sorry to ask all these questions if they already been asked ?

OP this is all 100% a husband problem. Of course you’re knackered and overwhelmed trying to do everything on your own - who wouldn’t be?!

we just have a feral 2 year old and it’s SUCH hard work, let alone with a 4 year old as well. Difference is, DH and I are a team and do 50% each of housework and childcare. No way could I manage without his support.

please please take yourself off to a hotel for a weekend. No prior warning, just leave at 10am on the Sat and tell him as you’re walking out the door that you’ll be back the following evening as you need a break. When you get back criticise EVERYTHING he has done - kids not eaten well enough, activities not stimulating or educational enough, house not clean enough. Then sit down and have a serious discussion about his ridiculous expectations and how it’s time for him to shape up or fuck off (and pay maintenance).

oh and next time MIL says anything, remind her she was clearly a shit mum given how utterly useless her son is. Honestly, what a bitch! (And I love my mil!)

honestly op, this is the ONLY way things will improve for you. Please don’t turn to medication for what is entirely a failure on the part of your husband.