Feeling completely overwhelmed, I keep screaming into a pillow

[glassdo]

Please be kind. I don't know what's wrong with me today. I'm so fucking fed up of mum life.

My kids are two and four and it's so relentless.

I think I must just be so unhappy to be so happy overwhelmed.

Especially my two year old just doesn't fucking listen to a word I say. I can't even get him to eat anything. All he does is cry, scream and have tantrums if he doesn't get exactly what he wants.

I'm so angry today. I'm angry. It's another Sunday alone with the kids. It's been another week, dealing with my kids basically alone because my husband works away a fair amount. I'm angry because they don't listen to me ( especially the little one ). I'm angry because I work so fucking hard to keep my house tidy and clean and all they do all day is mess it up.

I am so angry because I feel like everyone thinks I'm a joke and a mess of a human and they can do it better than me. By everyone I mean my in laws, my parents and even my husband. I think he thinks I'm just a bit shit. He has no idea how much it takes for me to keep the house in the condition it's in.

I can't take it. I just want my kids to listen to me. I can't take it anymore

I'm absolutely fuming today.

I know life with small children can seem awful and I don’t mean to be unsympathetic but I do wonder whether you are overly concerned about keeping your house clean and tidy. As long as it’s not unhygienic some mess and clutter really doesn’t matter. Spend the time actively playing with your children instead, or just relaxing while they play.

It helps if you don’t let them eat anywhere other than at the table. If they try to eat anywhere else, you just take the food away. They’ll soon learn. I bet the nursery doesn’t let children wander around eating.

I stood in the rain for 20 minutes once while my then 2 year old lay down in a puddle on the pavement and kicked their heels because I wouldn't carry them the 100 yards home. Twenty minutes later they got up, still sniffling, took my hand and we walked home.
Had to do the same at a supermarket checkout when I said no to something they wanted. Yes I got some looks, but they have to understand that you mean it. And then you can say yes to things sometimes without feeling bullied into it!

I’ve done the same, it was on the street (they were on the pavement) and I walked off and hid around the corner looking through a hedge. It worked.

I got additional straps that fastened at the back so mine couldn't reach.
Used in buggy and used a buckle cover in the car seat
It's a safety issue so zero negotiation
The buckle covers are great, they can't get out of those.
Food is eaten at the table or sitting down picnic style if outside
If he walks off remove
It's a choking hazard and of course they will mash it into the carpet for the sensory feel.
Not acceptable or negotiation
If he kicks off then let him
Reoffer when calm but its at the table.

Tantrums are not your fault nor aimed at you
They are developmentally crucial and normal
Out and about -walk with Mummy holding hands, running is for the park, if not straight in buggy straps on
Tbh I made mine run around the park until they were knackered 😜
They need wearing out like labradors
Be kind to yourself, it's a tough stage

Don't throw their toys away. But some plastic storage boxes with lids and put some away. Rotate what is away and what is available. I think Halfords do a special car seat harness for escapees. That may be useful. There is also bound to be similar for push chairs. keep him in the pushchair when you are out and about if you think he will run off. Will they sit for the TV? Put the TV on and plonk them in front of it whilst you get a coffee. If he doesn't want a meal give him a snack. A banana is fine. It's very, very hard being on your own with them a lot of the time. It's like every day is a repeat.

I feel your anger OP. I wouldn't worry too much about the homework just yet presuming your child has only just started reception. I follow chaoswithcara on Instagram who has lots of activities ideas you can set up for young kids. Defo about finding the right parks that only have one entrance and often accessible style ones means 2 year old can do most stuff without support. Playgrounds with a sandpit are usually a good win too! Xx

OP, I truly hear you as a mum and as an individual person. Your exhausted, you're burnt out and no doubt you're probably lonely too.

When this was me, I reached out to my Health Visitor and she was amazing. She put me in touch with some volunteers who come in and help make dinner, play games with the children, make you a tea etc. They come once a week and will stay with the family for 3 months or so until you are back on your feet. The charity is called Home Start. Maybe see if your HV can refer you as you need some help and you can't do it on your own xxxx

Your son does sound 'high needs'. The fact that nursery have referred to 'listening ears' suggests he might have an attention issue.

Most what you describe is fairly typical 2 year old boy, and you do still need boundaries, but the energy levels, running off and lack of interest in food are quite extreme, even for a 2 year old.

It will get better, OP. If the problems persist in the run-up to school, you can investigate additional needs.

Reins. Lifesaver for a bolter. Or a wrist strap.

The only thing to reset the day is to go out and walk their legs off.

She already said she does.

I think it's very hard for OP to be answering questions about things people wouldn't ask if they cared to read all the updates, considering she's already overwhelmed.

OP, I think it's so normal to feel the way your feeling given the circumstances. It's a stage which will pass ❤️

I sympathize OP. I have a very strong willed 2 year old and some days are just awful. Yesterday was one. Everything I did resulted in a tantrum.

But I gotta say, it's reached the point where I just her have them. Then soothe/cuddle her when she is ready.

The OP has already explained why reins won't work for her two year old.

Also if have space I got kallax unit in garage and in they play area part of house. I rotate the boxes so then they have less out at a time and then when I rotate them it's like new toys so keeps them occupied for longer xx

She didn’t, she said they had tantrums while on reins and there’s lots of advice here on how to deal with tantrums.

Loads of people work weekends!

Get yourself onto one of the car seat groups on fb, there’s a rear facing car seat community group that’s pretty good- they’ll sort out your car seat so he can’t get out. It’s usually a fit issue, but if it isn’t then he’ll be down to the actual seat itself or they can suggest a crash tested clip to secure him properly.

I haven’t RTFT but your 2 year old sounds like mine was and it is HARD. I recognise all the stuff about running off, escaping from car seats, screaming blue murder all the time, not being able to go out anywhere without at least one other adult for crisis management. (Mine also ended up diagnosed with ADHD / ASD)

if I had persisted with the tough love tactics some are suggesting (and which work OK for most children, to be fair) - making him sit still at the table, making him eat all his food or go hungry - I would have had a nervous breakdown trying to enforce this while he screamed and raged forever, and he still wouldn’t have been able to stay in one place quietly eating his veggies.

My DS eats pizza and oven chips standing up in front of the TV and is growing as he should and doing really well in school, and has friends. Our house is a tip, but when I stopped trying to do everything the way parents of easier kids told me should be possible, our own lives felt more manageable.

You’re not a mess, you’re not a shit parent. Some kids are easier than others. 2 and 4 is HARD. Even without your DH working away a lot. Hang in there. ❤️

On the food a banana and milk after nursery (which he will have) is fine imo.

I offer toast, cereal or cheese sandwich as a last resort. Bottle before bed if nothing is eaten.

i try not to fight on food (save my limited energy for other stuff)

you have my full sympathy and your feelings are totally valid/reasonable
I agree with @SilenceInside post

id also persist with reins

Not being obvious but why are you tidying all day? Surely you can get it all done in an hour when they are in bed? Tidying up after dc is like clearing snow when it's still snowing...
Futile...
I had 3 under 3...enjoy them. Years ahead for a show home.
Snacks at table only. Make a cuppa and sit down with them. Relax. Tension at meal times switches them off from listening and eating... When ds was a pita his lunches were in a lunch box at the table. Even hot food went in there.... Worked a charm.
Even better if dh is away.. You get post tidy time to yourself....

They stop them running off. That's the point. If they have a tantrum then they have a tantrum.. still can't run off. There are also extra straps that keep them in a buggy. It's a case of looking for them.

If all else fails then sticking them in the bath was another option.

I hear you, OP. Both my kids, but especially the youngest, were “runners”. I had to use reins and went through a long period of having to physically tie one of them into the stroller to keep them safe.

You sound at the end of your tether. The rest of them, including your husband, can bugger off with their opinions. Drop your standards way down and focus on what you and the kids need: bananas and milk is a great tea, sit in the garden (and a garden is lovely, why go to the park?) with a podcast or your favourite music and a cuppa while they cause havoc, leave the toys out tonight and have a bath instead. You need to be well to keep the show on the road.

Everyone close to you who’s not helping is failing you - they’re doing their support job badly, so why feel shame if they’re judging what you do each day?

He had me tripping over him, running everywhere on a recent holiday. He thinks it's funny. It's so terrible

I'm not a parent, but I think this could be a big part of the problem. It's a fun game for him. He doesn't associate it with unwanted consequences.
Also, out of interest, how much attention do they receive from you when they're just quiet or good. I'm wondering if they're acting up because being like this guarantees your attention, even if it means you're angry.

It literally doesn't matter what this poster thinks. She doesn't know your child and hasn't been around him. Also, people on MN love jumping to the worst conclusions.

You don't need to stress yourself further so please don't let this get into your head.

I’m a nursery teacher (for 25 years). I do not agree that his behaviour are extreme in any way. It’s normal toddler behaviour, some are like this, for a period of time. Others are not. For me it’s my job, for parents it is utterly exhausting!! Some can be good as gold, but as soon as the parents arrive they turn in to mini monsters. It’s triggering.

OP hang in there. You ARE doing great. Your husband does need to step up though, so you get some alone or family time. Increase their nursery hours. Give him a banana and milk. More snacks, like cereal in a little cup with a lid. And try agaiin to go to the park.

I’m way out of this now and in hindsight the housework doesn’t matter one bit. Do a small routine daily and that’s all.

It sounds like you have a lot of judgement from people around you so you’re feeling like you have to prove yourself. Fuck ‘em I say.