If you're sharing the cost of the meal there's certain things you don't go for

[alpacachino]

If you're out with a group and you usually split the cost of the meal you don't choose the mixed grill or the steak right? You stick to the main menu.

Or AIBU and just grumpy at my brother in law

Bird, Surf and Turf sounds like a lot. But it's in the same area as fish and Chips...

This is about your dislike of your BIL

@alpacachino I think people are being deliberately disingenuous. To some extent it doesn't really matter what the actual price difference is, it's the fact that every time you go out as a group meal where the bill is split, he orders the highest priced item and then adds extras to that, so no matter where you go, the individual cost of his meal will always be the most.

Yeah that would annoy me, in the same way Dnephew ( adult earning own decent wage) always orders the second or third glass of wine if the bill is being split and the steak. Sure we can afford to subsidise his meals, but why the heck should we ?

I agree with you, OP. He's a CF. Thinks that everyone else should subsidise him.

I think if he treated your sister well you'd be ok with this, but because he's a dick to her, this is really annoying you.

I'd say something to him/refuse to sub him any more/just pay for my own.

But what about your sister? How does he treat her? Does she want to leave?

I need to have plain food when I'm out or I risk having a very upset stomach, so I often choose steak, but would offer to pay more. I don't drink though so it usually all works out. But yes, you shouldn't choose expensive dishes and expect others to pay for them.

Look right it depends where we go. I don't monitor the exact dish he has each time but he'll sit there and go I'm going to have that and someone will say are you sure it's quite a lot of food and then a dish with loads of meat on it comes out. Basically the biggest meat plate he can get and then my mum's sat there with her one gammon and chips or whatever.

He treats her awfully but that is for another thread.

Thank you yes! It's not even that oh we're each paying £2-3 more for his meal it's that he isn't paying it. If he offered extra that would be great. He's using my sister anyway so that's probably what's annoying me.

I’ve no real advice other than what’s already been posted but yes, this would annoy me if it happened frequently and 100% he is a CF!

Everyone else should not be having to subsidise him even if it us just a couple of quid - he should put in the extra tenner.

You won’t be the only person at the table to have noticed, I imagine.

If you are going to continue to eat out with him I’d be tempted to say you were on a budget and hand over your own share rounded up with a tip.

@sauviGone

"Greedy fuck" made me 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

I dunno.. the person in our family group who usually orders the steak also doesn’t order alcohol or coffee, so it tends to work out 🤷‍♀️
In general though, I have taught my young adults that you don’t order the most expensive dish if someone else is paying. Bill splitting is a greyer area, but I think the younger generation are much more likely to just pay for what they had when eating with friends.

100% I’d be ordering the ribs with mac n’ cheese 😂

My eyebrow was raised when 2 of the men of the group ordered expensive steaks when everyone else ordered from the far cheaper end of the menu, then they both ordered cheese platters which were again significantly more expensive than the desserts, all while downing drinks at a faster rate. I did pay up a split of the bill but I’m the bad guy now due to the raised eyebrow and I’ve not been invited back to dine out with this group.

They stick jolly pictures of their group meals on Facebook and I privately stick my middle finger up at them in return.

My DP only ever eats a mixed grill when we go out. I think I balance it out by only ever having a starter or something very small but if not, we would be happy to just pay for our meals. I would rather do that than go out and pay for food DP doesn't really enjoy.

That's different then isn't it

Why is it more important for your DP to get the meal they really enjoy than you?

I order what I want, but make a note of the cost, and just pay exactly what I have ordered. I think it's ridiculous to all pay an equal amount, when some are buying a much more costly meal than others!

Having read most of the posts on this thread, I think it is a good idea to get a general consensus of opinion about how to sort the bill, if you regularly go out for a meal with friends/colleagues. Then there are no disappointments, embarrassments or sour faces.

I've learned a thing or two from reading this and I daresay that is true of others.

How bizarre!
What my husband ordered would have no bearing whatsoever on what i ordered.

This is 💯 why I never split a bill. I can have whatever I want then.

I come from a family of painfully polite family all of whom feel tremendous guilt about ordering in group pay situations. We all used to just end up ordering things we didn't want - never with a starter, obv - and generally have an awkward time that we didn't enjoy.

Fuck that. Order what the hell you want. Offer to pay extra to cover it. Never feel any guilt whatsoever.

Personally I’m a really fussy eater - there’s very few choices on a menu for me usually! So I always go for a steak to be on the safe side - it’s something I love, and I know I’ll actually eat something. I went out for a friends birthday once at a Chinese restaurant. I didn’t eat a single thing, yet I still paid for a set meal - I didn’t begrudge doing that, so I’d like to hope that if my steak is a couple of quid more expensive, the fact I don’t eat a starter, rarely drink and often won’t have a pudding should make up for it. That said I’m always happy to go down the pay for what you had path as it’s rare for mine not to end up being the cheapest meal!

my husband on the other hand will go for a starter, huge main like a mixed grill, dessert, several pints to wash it all down… it wouldn’t even occur to him to consider the cost regarding splitting the bill (drives me nuts as his costs are huge every time - another reason I’d always suggest paying our own way).

Yes, it’s absolutely fucking maddening to be around people who are inwardly seething because their own internal rules won’t allow them to have what they like, especially when other people do order what they want.

I was stung so many times by bill splitting that I gave up on it a long time ago. Was so fed up of subsiding the sort of people that drink soda and lime on their own bar rounds yet order spirits on other people’s.

I agree with you OP. I cannot imagine clearly ordering the most expensive item on the menu or spending more than everyone else and being happy for others to sub me.

It is totally normal for my friends, family or I to say something like "I had the steak/an extra cocktail/a dessert so I'll put in a bit extra." It's just common courtesy.