If you're sharing the cost of the meal there's certain things you don't go for

[alpacachino]

If you're out with a group and you usually split the cost of the meal you don't choose the mixed grill or the steak right? You stick to the main menu.

Or AIBU and just grumpy at my brother in law

I order what I want and expect others to do the same I do t drink but don’t care if others drink good wine

I agree OP - I would find this a bit inconsiderate. Maybe suggest that you stop splitting the bill in future?

In my circle, we order what we want. If someone had a steak, that person would probably put a bit more than the others, same with someone who had had much more alcohol.

I wouldn't begrudge someone ordering a more expensive dish, but good etiquette would be for that person to offer to make up the difference if it is significant.

If it is someone who you go out with regularly, it might even itself out when you fancy something pricier.

Or, if this is trend, just say you'll prefer to split according to what was eaten.

Well, I wouldn't split the meal like that tbh, it's always going to cause issues like "well why I am paying for X's expensive wine and steak when I ate salad and drank water all evening"

If you can't afford to split a meal where people are going to order what they want (I know lots of people who order steak when out because nothing beats a well cooked steak when out) then don't agree to split the bill

But people shouldn't feel they can't enjoy the meal because you'll judge them.

I think people should order what they want as long as there’s not more than say a £10 difference. That said if I’d ordered something noticeably more expensive I’d probably just offer to stick a bit more money in at the time when we pay.

It’s a bit petty to quibble about main meal prices- unless the place is ridiculous then they’ll all be much of a muchness. And are you policing how many glasses of wine each person has, who has coffee etc (if your answer is yes then I think you might be better off just paying for your own stuff).

Don’t split - haven’t in decades… everyone pays for what they ordered. Dont want to be a chump or be stifled by others

I find it a bit greedy tbh

I also think it’s fine to order what you want but if I’ve ordered something particularly more expensive than other people I offer to put more money in. Often though it levels out as I’ve not had pudding etc

Exactly this. If I'm out for a (rare) dinner I'll order exactly what I want to eat and drink, fully prepared to pay for it. Often when out with friends we'll work out the general split and then adjust up and down for those who had steaks / cocktails / no alcohol / no starter etc.

It depends. If I really wanted something particular that was expensive I'd order it and then pay more to cover it at the end. I can't really think of a time that that's happened in real life though as generally when I go out (usually with friends not family tbf) we all have similar so splitting is fair. I think in your BILs situation it's cheeky.

I do have a couple of in laws who will order fillet steak if we go out with my husbands family and they know my FIL will offer to pay which I think is really cheeky as they wouldn't order it if they were paying themselves

Why? If you’re going out to eat, why should you restrict your choice based on what other people order? You could argue that the others are being stingy!
If you're not happy with the cost differences, don’t split the bill - it’s easy!

Me personally, I’d be saying “I had the filet steak so I’ll pay some extra”.

My SIL would be ordering a cocktail aperitif, 3 of the most expensive courses, and several glasses if not a bottle of nice wine, then sit back and do her best to contribute last (if we all pay by card) so that the extra people have put in for a tip comes off her portion of the bill.

Hence why I refuse to eat out if she’s present, the greedy fuck.

Because a mixed grill is always in a seperate part of the menu and its always way more expensive. Everyone else is doing with a standard main course. If I turned round and ordered a sharer for 2 for myself I don't think it would go down well.

If you’re sharing an occasion by having a meal, I think that everyone should order what they would like to eat and drink, but the bill should be split on that basis.

I don’t want to share the cost of several bottles of wine when I don’t drink and I don’t want to chip in for three courses, if I’ve only had one. But if I order lobster, I should pay for that.

It’s inconsiderate to simply split the bill when it’s clear there’s a big discrepancy in the costs.

Just don't split the bill equally and pay for what you eat/drink. It doesn't make much difference if you're all paying anyway. Everyone should be allowed to eat what they want but should pay for it. I'd rather do it this way anyway rather than worrying I'm making a social faux pas by having what I choose to eat instead of what I feel I ought to eat.

The drinking is never an issue everyone just has one pint or a glass or a soft drink we aren't heavy drinkers

A sharer for 2 is for 2, a steak is for 1. When we go out, over half the group order steak as its what we like. Why wouldn't we order it?

I don't quibble over costs with friends and neither do they. There's often a time where someone might buy the bottle of wine in a bar before dinner etc. as long as it's not always the same person ducking out of paying or consistently ordering the most expensive thing it always works out in the end.

Where do you go where they have a mixed grill on the menu? Is it a 1970s/80s themed restaurant?

How is it greedy? It might not be more food just better quality/ more expensive ingredients?

Plus do you know what he’s eaten for the rest of the day- maybe he’s skipped lunch.

Nothing more joyless than going for a meal but feeling you can’t eat what you’d really like because someone else disapproves. I never cook steak or mixed grills at home so I do order them when out over something like pasta/ burgers etc which I can cook myself.

Sounds like you just don’t like your BIL to me. Would you feel the same if your mum/ dad/ sister ordered it. Personally I’d be happy they were enjoying the evening.

If it really is about money then don’t go.

People should order what they want! I often order a steak in a restaurant as it’s one of my favourites. Why should I order something I don’t like as much because someone else wants a cheaper dish?

That's different if everyone is having the steak. But BIL is always last to decide (no idea why as he always goes for the same things) and can tell everyone else is just chosing a standard meal.

as long as it's not always the same person ducking out of paying or consistently ordering the most expensive thing it always works out in the end.

That's the thing. It is the same person always ordering the expensive things

I would order what I want. If I'm going out to eat and really want a steak, I'm not going to have the chicken just because of splitting the bill. However if what I order is more expensive I would always put more money towards the bill.