If you're sharing the cost of the meal there's certain things you don't go for

[alpacachino]

If you're out with a group and you usually split the cost of the meal you don't choose the mixed grill or the steak right? You stick to the main menu.

Or AIBU and just grumpy at my brother in law

No
It's less than £10

I'm with you OP, I'm sure my DM told me when I was young if I was sharing a meal then I should pick from the middle price ranged sector and particularly so if someone else was treating me so burger or pizza, rather than steak.

I started a similar thread a few years ago. Used to go out with a big crowd of ex work colleagues. We went to a middle priced chain and generally had dough balls for starters and pasta or pizza for main oh and shared some rather unpleasant white wine. Not particularly a fan of so many carbs, but to me the polite thing to do is order similarly to the rest of the group, so that's what I did.

Until the time I looked up the table and saw a couple of the men with garlic prawns for starters and the steak for his main. When the meal was due to be split, one of them who is a decent bloke, offered to put in an extra fiver ( although it was at least £10-15 more than the dough balls and pasta, but the organiser told him not to be silly and we would split like normal. Since then I have been reluctant to meet that group for a meal unless it's a fixed menu or we are sharing dishes.

It would be interesting to try a couple of experiments. If it's Wetherspoons arrive early and order your own meals, see if he still wants the mixed grill if he is paying for it himself. Or both you and your DH ( sorry can't remember if you said you had one) also order the mixed grill every single time and see how the group enjoys the increased bill.

It's £10.84 if you want to be pedantic

@rookiemere Yes! That's it. That's the rule. Go for a standard meal. If there's something that is so obviously more then don't go for it.

Well
You are being pedantic about it...

It's not the rule

What's the "standard" menu?

If everyone starts having basic salads at £8 then do you not go for the £14 burger you want?

Using Wetherspoons menu as an example - Pub Classic menu. Cheapest meal, all day breakfast with drink, is £6.44 and the most expensive, fish or scampi with drink, is £11.61

Nearly £6 difference. Would it be cheeky to order the scampi if someone orders the all day breakfast? Even the next meal about the All day breakfast is about £3 more...

I'm trying to find that post several months back about the guy that got his just desserts when he was taking advantage of bill-splitting.

Was the thread actually about him or was he just in a post?

OP was fed up with his antics. I forget exactly but it went something like him ordering starters, mains, desserts and drinks when everyone else was ordering salads. At the end they said better to split.

Well that's your problem to deal with.

Speak up about it
Pay just for what you're eating
Or stop going out to eat with them.

No point in silent resentment and doing nothing about it.

I agree with @ilovesooty

If I am going out for a meal, I will choose what I want to eat that time.
there have been times when I am looking at the cheaper meals because of my budget, and now I've got to a stage in my life where I can afford something more expensive if I fancy it.
But most groups I've ever gone out with go for splitting the bill roughly in proportion to what you have chosen.

If - as it seems 0 there is a pattern of one person in a group ordering something considerably more expensive on a regular basis, then just say "money's a bit tight this month - I'm only paying for what I'm eating / drinking this time as I can't afford to subsidise other people any more".

When the bill comes get in there first with 'let's all pay for ourselves' and be the first with the card reader (or even better, cash!) I reckon it would only take one go of this for him to start ordering less expensive things 😅

I get where you're coming from @alpacachino and it doesn't matter if you're eating out at McDonalds, high end, or in between, it's the principle.

Posters are obfuscating. Your unwritten rule equates to most decent people's rule of thumb. You order in or around a similar value, OR, you chip in a bit more to cover the extra cost, particularly if it's quite a bit and personally, I think a tenner extra, per course, is a lot, regardless of how many split the final bill.

In my friendship group we all order exactly what we want and if it's out of kilter, we offer more. No one says please do, because so far as we're concerned, it works out knock for knock over time. We don't have anyone who plays advantage.

In your instance BIL is not only questionable as to how he treats your sister, which is colouring judgement of him, but he's a CF to be so out of step financially every single meal out and never offering to pay a fairer share.

If no one else is prepared to say or do anything, then do it for yourself. You say family will kick off, so they'll be unhappy, but the cost of that is that you're unhappy and possibly others in your group. I'd speak up because it's every single occasion, not just here and there.

I don't care what others order. If what I ordered was significant smaller/less then I might say - 'do you mind if I put in a tenner less?'

You’re being disingenuous, look at the difference between a standard burger @£15 and the standard mixed grill at £20! It’s not even close to what you are trying to make out.

“Mixed grill” - do they even still have that on menus?

Exactly. Don’t seethe was concealed rage about other people not following your ‘unwritten rules’, communicate.

@WhyamIinahandcartandwherearewegoing BIL sounds like more of an ultimate mixed grill eater when others are paying or the bill is split and that's £10 more than a standard burger.

And I'm not particularly strapped for cash, but yes I would resent a £5 surcharge ( as a couple) to subsidise my greedy BIL that I didn't like on each and every occasion we went out.

Yes on many pub menus, do you not go out often?

Maybe not to the type of pub that has mixed grills?

Who knows? But did anyone have the ‘non standard’ burger for an extra few quid, hmm?

See how daft this can get, speak up and say you’ll pay for your own stuff and not split the bill - but don’t come onto a forum to moan about it if you just want to pick up the greedy feckers bill and seethe about it.

I've just looked around some other meals
My local Harvester is slightly cheaper than that menu by about a £1
There are lots of the meals on there which come in over £15 and make the gap between prices smaller. Salmon is around, £18 for example
So everyone who has the £11 meals is paying towards the £7 extra there too...

Which is why paying for your own meal is always best (unless you all do order pretty much the same)

@WhyamIinahandcartandwherearewegoing I get what you're saying, but in that example the posh burger is only a couple of quid extra, whereas the deluxe mixed grill is £25.

I hear what you're saying, but I would just hate the thought of BIL thinking he has got one over on everyone by ordering the much more expensive item every time. Personally I would start ordering the deluxe mixed grill myself "It always looks so good when you have it BIL" and take the leftovers home for the dog.

Frequently, but not really seen this on menus. Occasionally, surf and turf but not normally mixed grill - i associate it with the 90s or before

I see Harvester is mentioned. There isn’t one hereabouts and probably never has been. Went to one once with parents in the 80s and we all felt it was a weird concept.