If you're sharing the cost of the meal there's certain things you don't go for

[alpacachino]

If you're out with a group and you usually split the cost of the meal you don't choose the mixed grill or the steak right? You stick to the main menu.

Or AIBU and just grumpy at my brother in law

You don't have to split the cost. Next time just inform everyone in advance that you will pay only your own bill and they can figure out the rest. If someone is taking advantage then take away the opportunity for them to do so.

I’m guessing OP also calculates everyone’s petrol costs for travelling to the restaurant of choice, or babysitter costs. None of that is exactly fair, is it?

There are always incidental costs to socialising. Paying a little bit extra because someone in the group ordered a more expensive dish is one of them. Either deal with it, speak up (for the sake of £2…), or stop socialising with this particular group.

This is why the concept of bill-splitting makes no sense to me. It seems like someone will nearly always end up feeling annoyed or taken advantage of. Unless someone has offered to cover the entire bill, it only seems fair for each person to pay for what they order. No more, no less.

I've just looked up how much a mixed grill is at Wetherspoons and you definitely look insanely OTT complaining 🤣
It's less than I'd pay for a burger at a Beefeater for example

I wouldn’t be splitting bills with people like you.

But who's meal should he pay the difference between?
The person wirh the £8 salad or the person with the £15 fish and chips?
Should everyone have to pay the extra between the lowest price item and theirs??

I know.

I can't really understand why it's such a problem to pay for what you eat/drink without subbing someone else or them subbing you!

but it is 2 pounds per person. so it's 4 pounds a moth, 48 pounds over a year. That's quite a lot.

The question for me is would he order the mixed grill if he was paying for it or would he choose something cheaper.

He sounds like a CF - and not the nicest person generally - so I'm guessing this is about sticking it to the rest of the group.

If we are splitting and I want steak and noone else is having it I'll say when ordering, "I fancy a steak, I'll stick and extra £10 (or whatever) in when we split the bill".

If someone else goes for an excessively expensive dish I have no qualms saying "that sounds lovely, its a bit pricey though, how do you want to do the bill so its a fair split?"

Either that or each pays for their own.

People need to get less embarrassed taking about money if they feel someone is always taking advantage.

Sorry that is utter bollocks. I am generally VERY easygoing about bill splitting, petrol costs etc. But I completely understand where the OP is coming from. Its the fact that the BIL is having the most expensive options every single time and has never made even a half-hearted offer to chip in extra to cover it. It's not balancing out over time and he knows full well that other people are subsidising his meal and doesn't give a shit.

For me, that's what tips it into the CF territory.

I agree with you. I find it so inconsiderate but don't feel I can say anything. We can't afford to eat out at the best of times but especially not if we're supplementing someone else's meal.

Thank you I feel you get where I'm coming from with this

This ^

Agreeing to share the bill equally is unfair when you have diners with different financial circumstances.

What's even worse is to announce that the bill will be shared equally only after the meal is finished. The head teacher sounds a right berk.

The whole point of going to a restaurant with a menu is that you can order what you want…i can’t image deliberately choosing something I didn’t want in case what I did want offended someone. Obviously if I’d ordered the lobster to start, followed by turbot and washed it down with champagne I’d offer to pay more. But generally the range between the cheapest and most expensive dishes is no more than £10/£15. So I’d find it odd if someone judged me for that. Sometimes I’ll just order a light vegetarian dish if I’m not hungry, and I don’t expect to pay less or be thanked for doing so. But, the important thing is to only agree to split the bill with people you know well, eat with fairly often and who have a similar outlook on life!

Unwritten rules are actually just assumptions and vary from person to person. That said, if it's always the same person being subsidised for "a few quid" then that's going to piss people off. Months and years of everyone paying an extra two quid a time to subsidise uncle twat's dinner is eventually going to become annoying.

I'm also going to go out on a limb and suggest that if your family are very much against paying separate bills... they don't care that he's ordering the mixed grill and it's just you that has the issue (and it's because you don't like the man)

I also disagree with the mindset of “oh it’s only an extra £2, get over it and pay for it.” If this was a one off- fine. But it’s the same person every time! It’s rude of him. He is absolutely allowed to choose whatever he wants, but he should acknowledge it and throw in some extra money.

My friends and I always just pay for our own food when we go out, it’s fairer that way and everyone is happy. But this does remind me of a time years ago when I was in my early 20s and starting out in my career and money wasn’t too free flowing. I went out for a set menu meal, something like two courses for £15, there were five of us there and we all got the deal. So at the end of meal, someone just casually said “split this five ways?” when we got the bill. But what she hadn’t considered was the drinks. And Christ I probably sound so petty saying this now, but I’d had a tap water and the four other girls had a coke, charged at £4 each (extortionate!!) And one girl had two cokes. So if we’d split it evenly it would’ve basically meant I paid for one of her cokes. And as daft as it sounds over £4, I really didn’t want to. I just didn’t see why this was fair. This way (excluding tip) we all would’ve paid £19. But I just had the meal, three girls has meal plus coke, one girl had meal plus two cokes. So I casually spoke up and said “am I alright to just pay my £15 as I didn’t get a drink,” and two coke girl then said “Oo yes and I had two cokes, so Lou you pay £15, you three £19 and mine is £23.” So all was well that ended well, but at the time I remember being glad I spoke up. I am fully away now some people may jump on this and question why I remember this non event from 15 years ago in such detail, or why I was so bothered over a measly £4, but the principle of it just didn’t sit right with me, and I was skint at the time. Now, I wouldn’t quibble over this, but in the same breath, we all just pay for our own now so wouldn’t be in this position anymore anyway!

Just say "are we all ordering from set menu and splitting or getting different and paying for our own?"

It's sets your boundaries out and doesn't allow others to take the piss or you to feel taken advantage of.

My friend and I always split but we pretty much get the same price wise.

When we go out as a family we have 2 adult meals, my brother and his gf t the same, my dad is 1 meal and my sister an adult and child's meal. My dad, brother and his gf get alcohol, me my sis and my ds get unlimited soft drinks refill and my nephew drinks water! So we pay our own.

Then use your voice and tell him to! Cf!

I pay my own food.
9/10 times I will pay way too much splitting. No, thank you.

People should order what they want but they should pay extra for it so they're not taking the piss!

The mixed grill is £12 more than most other mains? Really??

Ive never been to a Wetherspoons or Harvester but a quick Google of a wetherspoon menu shows a mixed grill is £10.50 and a large mixed grill is £12. Hardly breaking the bank really.

25.79 at harvester vs 14.95 for a burger. OK so it's not quite £12.