If you're sharing the cost of the meal there's certain things you don't go for

[alpacachino]

If you're out with a group and you usually split the cost of the meal you don't choose the mixed grill or the steak right? You stick to the main menu.

Or AIBU and just grumpy at my brother in law

Ooooooooh this is something that really grinds my gears...

Specifically, people choosing the bits of 'generally understood etiquette' that suit them, and ignoring the other elements that go alongside that particular 'thing'.

So the ' don't quibble over the cost, split it' concept only works and is only appropriate where:

• You are all having roughly the same
• You go out regularly as a group and it evens out over time
• Someone ordering significantly more expensive stuff offers to top up their share
• The group are sensitive to the needs of someone on a stricter budget and suggest the person who only had a starter and tap water only pay for what they had

Outwith those parameters, the 'it's uncouth to fuss over and divvy up the bill' rule is not ok.

@WiddlinDiddlin Absolutely agree.

I would suggest that anyone who does this regularly, and is oblivious to fairness concerns or the possibility that others might be having to watch the pennies, is probably 'taking out more than they are putting in' in other areas of life too.

Clearly wherever you go, they offer saucers of milk…

We order what we want and pay for our own no splitting.

I'm an order-what-you-like kind of person but my friends and I tend to level off extra costs like this (or wine or cocktails) by adding the cash for the tip.

I tend to like two starters as a main but this often costs more than a standard main. I'd hate to feel I had to have a standard main only.

If someone else is paying though, I'll toe the line and go for a standard main. (This is why I prefer to pay!)

Not the OP but several pub-restaurant chains here have mixed grills along with the steaks.

I wouldn't consider a mixed grill to be a special or luxury meal. It's a bit more expensive than fish and chips but it's still just a normal meal. Assuming there's 6 of you, partners parents and sibling, that's 2 quid extra a person.

It'd be different if he was getting starter and desert and multiple expensive drinks aswell as his mixed grill when everyone else was having fish and chips and a coke. But he's chosing a meal that happens to be marginally more expensive. He's not being indulgent.

I agree. I find it bizarre to police what other people are eating when you’re splitting the bill. Unless I had a cheese sandwich and someone had the lobster Thermidor I really couldn’t get worked up about this.

The BIL’s mixed grill is probably only adding 2 quid to OP’s bill.

It's adding about £2 to everyone's bill though. How is that fair

Yes I was in that position for years as a single parent. Most of my friends had a lot more spare cash and I ended up gradually fading myself from one friendship group because I couldn’t afford to subside their meals and drinks.

Worst of all are the couples who decide that everyone should split the bill by household so the single people end up paying double. Once I complained about this and was told curtly that as their wife was on maternity leave / SAHP they only had one wage so were in the same position as me 😡🙄

Because it’s only £2! Unless you’re on your uppers, most people would not even register this paltry sum.

I'm a coeliac. If I'm not allowed to order a steak, I'm going to be on even slimmer pickings than usual.

However, I won't be ordering a starter or a pudding, and I never, ever let anyone else be out of pocket.

But maybe that's all that he likes from the menu.
I don't see the point of going out for a meal if you can't have want you want.
Having said that if I had three courses and everyone else had one I would pay the extra . Similarly if I was drinking alcohol and others weren't.
How much more expensive was BiLs meal? If only a couple of pounds and he didn't have any more courses than everyone else I would let it go. If his meal was much more expensive than everyone else's then I would expect him to contribute more

Yea I'm not going to order the lobster special which is twice the price of everything else! If I really wanted it (or if I drank more than others) I'd throw in extra money.

We always split, in my friendship groups / family.

If I pay more than what I ordered (and it’s rarely more than £10), I see it as a small price to pay for socialising with my nearest and dearest.

Thankfully everyone in my circle feels the same way. I would honestly hate to socialise with people with would quibble over £10.

I don't think it's anyone else's place to determine what is affordable to someone else.

You can’t be serious? It’s only £2, and you say you eat out together around once a month. So it’s £2 a month…

I'm sorry but if you have to quibble over 2 quid, you can't afford to go out for a meal.

OP go to Sheesh in Mayfair the mixed grill is one of the cheaper menu items. There are a few Sheesh branches.

It might only be £2 on everyone's bill but how much is it less for him per time than if the bill wasn't split?

Yet he won't voluntarily pay the £12 or whatever more. He's getting out of paying loads over the year.

So for him if it's once a month he's saving £144 over the year

We can't afford to travel to Mayfair!!!