If you're sharing the cost of the meal there's certain things you don't go for

[alpacachino]

If you're out with a group and you usually split the cost of the meal you don't choose the mixed grill or the steak right? You stick to the main menu.

Or AIBU and just grumpy at my brother in law

I'll never understand why people just don't request separate bills instead of getting into these situations.

We always pay for our own meals at a restaurant. I usually go for the steak because we never eat it at home and it's a treat.

I don’t share the bill if I can avoid it but if I have to I will order steak or mixed grill if I fancy it because I don’t drink and only have one course (occasionally share a dessert with someone) so I think the cost evens out.

If I could I would but the family get funny

If he's going for a meal he should be able to pick what he wants. Maybe the rest of you should do the same.

If someone orders something a lot more expensive or more alcohol than others than it’s usually adjusted as it can add up, a couple of quid here and there then no…

I’d just announce at the start that you’re paying for what you have, not subbing others. Have you spoken to your sister if it’s her Dh? Or your Dh if it’s his db? I think it’s cf behaviour if you know the bill will be evenly split.

This. I’m fortunate to eat out twice a week with groups of friends and we always pay for what we order. No arguments or bad feelings.

So then stop sharing the bill.

Or order what you want. If he always does it the whole ‘he orders last’ but doesn’t make sense. If he always doesn’t him ordering last doesn’t matter.

When you split the bill someone is always going to come out worse. Expecting everyone to only order certain priced items because you want them to, then moaning about it and going out and repeating it again and again is bizarre to me.

Do you all sit there looking at the price of what other people order then pick based on cost? Going first must be a pain.

Splitting the bill equally when the people involved have different financial circumstances has never made any sense to be. I've been both the person trying to find the cheapest things on the menu, and the person who can afford what they want, and it's felt wrong, either way.

I remember going to a work meal at a restaurant, and sitting with my TA who I knew couldn't really afford to come at all, but who had been persuaded to. She had nursed an orange juice and bowl of pasta all night, while others had had three courses, cocktails and multiple drinks. At the end, the HT gaily announced that we'd just split the bill equally. I was horrified. I spoke up but was ignored. It was in the days of cash being handed over, so I told my TA to just put in what she'd spent, and I'd sort it out later. I'm afraid I lied about where the money came from for the rest.

I’d order what I wanted but if I knew it was a more expensive meal I’d chip in extra or cover most of the tip

If others were drinking lots I’d just chip in what I’d spent plus a margin for tip though as as a virtually non drinker it’s amazing how much of a bill ends up as booze

No because there's an unwritten rule that you just choose from the main bit

I eat out with various groups quite regularly and we do generally just split the bill. If someone orders much more expensive items than the others (rare), they do sometimes offer to pay more, but it wouldn't bother me if they didn't, unless they did it every time.

When I eat out with colleagues (in a work situation, not as friends) we usually each pay for what we had, as some earn a lot less than others.

Everywhere I have been has a mixed grill. It is a standard option.
I’d be disappointed to not see it on a menu to be honest.

That's incredibly good of you

Then stop splitting the bill with him and all pay for what you have! Easy! You are making this harder on yourself.

I go out with a few different groups of friends and everyone always pays for what they have, maybe it's because we are all similar personalities and recognise that no one should have to feel they can't order what they want because it might cost someone else more than they can afford but it does lead to a bit of maths at the end of the night so I'm interested in how you get separate bills and still get the food to arrive all together. Is that now a standard thing ?

Order what I want. I’d go for he mixed grill as I mainly eat meat. It makes you sound tight by saying this

Pub like chains mostly

Even if its Indian he goes for the mixed tandoori grill

Everyone should order what they want - the person ordering the more expensive dish just chucks in an extra £5/£10 surely.
Imagine paying £15-£20 for somethina meal you don't really want to eat just because the rest of the group are watching the price of what you choose.....

In our circle we always just order whatever we want.
If it really bothers you this much though then just say something next time.

If you are going to a place that has wildly different price points in main courses e.g some at £8 and some at £25 then it's foolish to agree to split the bill at all and each should pay what they owe plus 20% (so that any calculation disparities are just swallowed up by a slightly variable tip which should end up at least 15% even after any maths errors)

Most places have everything relatively close in price so that the disparity between the cheapest and most expensive thing on the menu is about £5 at most. In general if I like someone enough to share a meal with them they are likely to be someone I'd happily gift £5 to. If you feel BIL has taken advantage you could just knock it off the budget you allocate to his next Christmas present if it matters that much to you.

No, there’s not.

It’s something some people do and something some people don’t do.

If you have a problem with it, speak up. It’s bothering you. I don’t understand people who are unhappy about something but won’t do anything apart from sit and hope the other person plays by rules they don’t know exist.

Tried this but the rest of the family don't like doing this. I might point it out next time

I've been in that situation. We don't ask for separate bills. We look up the cost of the menu items and tell the server how much to take off each of our cards.