To be a bit hurt he left my son out

[JaneAustenshandbag]

dh and I went for breakfast with FIL and his wife today. DH brought my step dc, 12 and 9 and I brought my son 14. FIL went to the shop and came out with chocolate bars for his two grandchildren and left my son with nothing.

He’s known him since he was 8. DH has messaged him to say that all of the children should be included as we are a blended family and FIL hasn’t replied. I wish I’d said something at the time but I was taken aback and left it to DH.

Oh, well, that further context slightly changes things for me anyway. Do they get gifts of relatively equal value/thought?

DH thinks he’s apologised now and so we should move on. FIL has been told to be more considerate in future. I do think that from now on though, I will be very aware that FIL doesn’t see me as family and I will behave accordingly.

No they don’t - they get money in a card which FIL’s wife organises. FIL wouldn’t remember. The step dc get something more expensive but I don’t really have an issue with that.

Well maybe it was just a stupid in the moment judgment call then? I'd be keeping a close eye, from your previous posts he doesn't seem a very nice person anyway

OP I’m with you, buy for them all or don’t buy for any. It takes a special kind of meanness to leave a child out.

I think the “reason” sounds as pathetic as the “act” to be honest.

I agree. Even if it wasn't your DS, it's rude to leave any child out in a situation like this.

Well done for marking his card OP.
Tell your husband that there will be no second chance.

I'm not buying the excuse. Nobody gives one child (seeing as he apparently only 'intended' to buy for your stepson) a chocolate bar in front of other kids without being a dick.

He does buy chocolate just for stepson for correctly guessing the football score - so I actually do believe that. It isn’t something I would do. Then the second bar was on offer so he gave it to stepdaughter.

It’s still rude but I do think that perhaps he isn’t thinking of your son as a child- especially given your description of his appearance and height etc.
FIL does sound thoughtless though…

Okay, so I think this particular instance is understandable, if not a bit thoughtless.

But you know your relationship and his personality better than any of us, and keeping an eye on it seems wise.

But... he is within his rights to treat the children differently, they are not his GC, particularly if he is very wealthy and there will be large inheritance, cash gifts for his GC in the future etc. I wouldn't expect them to be treated the same as GC and receive any inheritance from him, but petty instances are unnecessary.

I would not expect any inheritance from him and never said anything about inheritance. There’s no need to be petty over chocolate though. But it may have been an honest error on his part.

It sounds like he was just thoughtless this time. No harm your DH pulling him on it, because he sounds like an arse anyway, and I would keep an eye on it, but he can't be expected to treat them all equally is all I was saying and there will certainly be bigger instances of quite justified unequal treatment in the coming years if he's a wealthy person. Not an easy situation, but understandable all the same

I'm with you OP, your FIL knew there were three DC on the trip so he should have been fair. The thing about offer on chocolate is just a tale now his poor behaviour has been called out. He chose to show a difference in a really blunt way. I wouldn't spend time with him in the future.

No I don't believe him. Okay he was going to get a chocolate bar for your SS but not SD as she didn't eat much.
So surely if that was true the second bar should have been for your son.
I think he bought chocolate for his grandchildren and not your son deliberately. I'd still go NC with him. Your DH can still see him but I wouldn''t risk FIL having another chance to exclude your DS.

Yes I won’t be going out of my way to entertain him in future.
He told DH today that he told stepdaughter that he didn’t like her mummy. She’d told him that mummy didn’t like him - so he replied with - well I don’t like your mummy. There is a backstory- family court etc. But you don’t tell a little girl that you don’t like her mummy. Poor judgement all round.

Nah,nah don't let him back peddle his way out of this he's a small minded nasty piece of work.as I said up thread he's marked you and your son as not worthy of equal treatment or even basic niceties.

What a horrible man. I wouldn't bother with him again!

Well done for nurturing and developing such a lovely young man. You should be very proud of your son; who displayed a lot more maturity than someone probably 5x his age.

He is a horrible man.
What an awful thing to say to his grandchild.
I wouldn't be entertaining him again and I would be very firm with your husband on that score.

So he's already paid for half of all of your meals!
I honestly think it is really rude and graspy to then complain about a bar of chocolate. I would have just sent ds in with a quid to get himself a bar.

I’m not being rude and graspy. I just don’t think it’s nice to leave just one child out. It’s not about chocolate. It’s about openly treating children differently.

Also he paid for himself and his wife to eat breakfast too. We split the cost. Why then be petty afterwards so unnecessarily.

He paid for himself, his wife and 1.5 children. He invited us for breakfast and chose the venue. So I’m not being graspy and it isn’t really to do with money.

Hello @JaneAustenshandbag FIL.

Christ there's always one in every thread.

You were dead right to be ripping at his basic lack of consideration OP. You showed more composure than I would have as I don't think I'd have been able to contain myself infront of him. Then there's his views on immigration and his comment to the girl about her mother, what a complete gobshite he is.