To be a bit hurt he left my son out

[JaneAustenshandbag]

dh and I went for breakfast with FIL and his wife today. DH brought my step dc, 12 and 9 and I brought my son 14. FIL went to the shop and came out with chocolate bars for his two grandchildren and left my son with nothing.

He’s known him since he was 8. DH has messaged him to say that all of the children should be included as we are a blended family and FIL hasn’t replied. I wish I’d said something at the time but I was taken aback and left it to DH.

Good on those thoughtful kids then.

The fact that you and your DH acted to show him how upset you were will have more of a positive impact than the negative feeling from missing out on a bar of chocolate from someone he doesn't care about.

Over the summer we had a big family day out at the beach. Another family member brought some of her friends along as well. My child wanted an ice cream so I came back with ice creams for all the kids even though I had never met them before and don't know when I will ever see them again. You don't leave kids out it's as simple as that! Your FIL is an arsehole.

He sounds like an ass hole. Imagine going out of your way to leave out a child.

That's really rude and horrible. I'd stop visiting. Let your husband take his kids over to grandads, without yours. Really awful behaviour.

@pizzaHeart is spot on. You buy for all children present or not at all, even if the “extra” child is a friend let alone blended family. What a tight fisted, shabby man your FIL is. Your son, on the other hand, sounds like a lovely lad.

That's really mean. Understandable with bigger stuff, but a chocolate bar? Horrid man.

Really mean. I wonder if he wanted you to be pissed off and make a scene?

Your step children should perhaps have made a point of sharing theirs though.

What a vile person he must be.

What is the plan for Christmas?

To be fair on @JaneAustenshandbag I have a teenager and a nearly 12 year old and whilst he is still a kid the teens really aren’t and don’t want to be- so I could see how it might have been a genuine “I’m not thinking of you as a kid and it’s almost a compliment” but not with the background of FIL as it stands.

eg my sister would offer my teen daughter a Starbucks but would not think to ask my son (almost 12) as she considers Starbucks as an older thing.

I guess so - he’s 5’9 with size 10 feet where stepson does still look like a child. But in that case, why not reply to DH’s text with ‘Oh I didn’t mean to leave him out, I just thought he might be too grown up for chocolate.’ He just didn’t reply at all.

They didn’t share but they didn’t eat it straight away and we’d just had a big breakfast anyway so I don’t think ds was too bothered about having chocolate.

We have the stepchildren on Boxing Day but we will spend it with MIL rather than FIL and his wife.

You wouldn't even leave out the neighbour's child if they were there!
Don't allow him the opportunity to do this again.
Inheritance is one thing, but a bar of chocolate? What a nasty man.

eg my sister would offer my teen daughter a Starbucks but would not think to ask my son (almost 12) as she considers Starbucks as an older thing.

So the question is 'What would you like, love?'

Absolutely shit thing to do op. How nasty. Don't have him over again. Nasty man

That's incredibly unkind. Anyone 'normal' would include all kids present re treats. Your son was far more adult and gracious in his response than FIL.

Just plain nasty. When my kids had friends over and an ice cream man came I bought all the DC in house an ice cream.

Exactly, you’d surely buy for all, friends of dc plus step dc, it’s just human nature, ime. Horrible of him.

Your husband can see his father with his grandchildren outside of the family home.

I would not see him again under any circumstances.
I would not want him in my home and would absent myself and my children if my husband insisted he visit.

That type of disgusting behaviour is not acceptable and I simply could not be around it.

Husbands family, his issue completely to sort out....but not near you or your children.

This man is nothing to you or your children and that would be my position going forward.

No engagement or accommodations.
I wouldn't make a big fuss, it simply wouldn't be happening.

Several friends have dealt with difficult in laws over the years and they were calm, firm and utterly unweilding.
Contact simply wouldn't be happening.

It took a couple of years of this for the penny to drop, and in all cases, calm, respectful, very very distant contact was reestablished.

They were blood relatives though.
This man is absolutely nothing to you.
Cut him out.

Your son sounds fantastic.

Thank you, he is a fantastic boy and I’m very proud of him. He has lots of friends and is kind and we are taking him out for food tonight for having a great first week back at school. It’s FIL’s loss.

There would be no circumstances I'd have that man in my home again.

I know you didn't want to lost your temper, but your son needs to see you and your husband stick up for him.

Totally unacceptable to buy 2 of 3 children chocolate.

I am interested, though, in the fact that you and DH still pay separately for your children. Do you think this might be influencing FIL in any way (perhaps clutching at straws)? I think I would be expecting a fully blended family to have one parent paying for all.

Emphasise again - in no way justifying what he did. In our house any child, including visiting friends, would have had chocolate (or no-one, in days when money was tight).

What? No where has she said they pay for their own children?

what she said was DH brought his sons and she brought hers (to the meal!) as in brought them along not bought their breakfasts.

BROUGHT NOT BOUGHT

I am not sure what you mean by paying separately? We wouldn’t do that if we went out for a meal for example. We don’t pay separately for each others children on day to day things like food etc.

Years ago we used to go trick or treating with a friend and I would take both girls to my nans… she would buy a massive bag of sweets and chocolate bars and say to share them equally. She wouldn’t have given my DD them and her friend a smaller bag… there’s just no need!

Where did OP say they paid separately, she didn’t!??