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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be a bit hurt he left my son out

179 replies

JaneAustenshandbag · 14/09/2024 21:37

dh and I went for breakfast with FIL and his wife today. DH brought my step dc, 12 and 9 and I brought my son 14. FIL went to the shop and came out with chocolate bars for his two grandchildren and left my son with nothing.

He’s known him since he was 8. DH has messaged him to say that all of the children should be included as we are a blended family and FIL hasn’t replied. I wish I’d said something at the time but I was taken aback and left it to DH.

OP posts:
Original poster
JaneAustenshandbag · 14/09/2024 22:15

Yes I’ve said to DH that for special occasions he sees fil separately but I’ll not entertain him. When I first moved in with DH 6 years ago, he invited him and the bio gc for a bbq at his (not me or my dc). DH said - ‘why don’t you come here instead so there’s space for everyone.’ I should have known then what he was like, but I guess DH wanted to see the best in his dad.

OP posts:
Ohcrap082024 · 14/09/2024 22:16

It is rare to see such a unanimous set of responses, especially on AIBU. That speaks volumes.

Your FIL is using small actions to make his point very clear. This is deliberate so that if ever challenged, he could claim that you are over reacting.

I suspect this nasty streak runs quite deep in your FIL and I would steer well clear. Zero effort from now on.

Itiswhysofew · 14/09/2024 22:19

JaneAustenshandbag · 14/09/2024 21:47

To be honest I don’t intend to go out with him again. I’ve never liked him but have tried my best, so at least I don’t need to try now.

Good for you, OP.

Why do some adults behave like aresholes?!

LetsSeeHowFarWeveCome · 14/09/2024 22:21

Good people don't treat children this way. They just don't.

I wouldn't be seeing him again, either.

Noseybookworm · 14/09/2024 22:23

I'd have been fuming too 😤 I can't work out if it was just incredibly thoughtless or deliberate but either way, very hurtful. I certainly wouldn't be bothering to see FIL ever again.

TiramisuThief · 14/09/2024 22:29

TheCultureHusks · 14/09/2024 22:07

FIL no longer welcome then. Christmas? Sorry, we’re busy.

What? What’s your problem FIL? You’re not blood related to me, so I don’t give a fuck about you - that’s how you roll isn’t it?

Agree.

FIL is a shit, sorry OP. Why do people have to be so mean? I don't get why you would leave a child out from a small treat. It's bullying. Worse from an adult who should know better.

Shineybrightthings · 14/09/2024 22:33

He’s a nasty twisted fucker to pull a stunt like that. No decent person would do that to a neighbour’s child never mind a child in their family. I pity your husband having a twisted bastard like that for a father 😡

Lemonadeand · 14/09/2024 22:37

So rude and petty. I think I would have said, “hey- where’s DS’s?”

Thevelvelletes · 14/09/2024 22:38

Shineybrightthings · 14/09/2024 22:33

He’s a nasty twisted fucker to pull a stunt like that. No decent person would do that to a neighbour’s child never mind a child in their family. I pity your husband having a twisted bastard like that for a father 😡

Funny you should say that,I wonder what he was like as a father to op dh.
That lack of empathy and using cruel gestures to make a point is not a good trait to have.

Psychologymam · 14/09/2024 22:39

Wow. That’s a special kind of petty, if there was a random child there I’d include them, never mind his step- grand child. Glad your DH has your back. Hope your kiddo is okay - I’d pour energy into supporting him and avoid the FIL. Sounds nasty, sorry you have to deal with him!

Jammedchakra · 14/09/2024 22:52

What a miserable old cunt.

Original poster
JaneAustenshandbag · 14/09/2024 22:52

Lemonadeand · 14/09/2024 22:37

So rude and petty. I think I would have said, “hey- where’s DS’s?”

I couldn’t speak without losing my temper, so best not to

OP posts:
Jammedchakra · 14/09/2024 22:53

I might have called him a miserable old cunt to his face. At least that would have been the last you saw of him. Result.

friendlycat · 14/09/2024 23:00

That really is just plain nasty and wrong. There’s no excuse whatsoever.
It's actually impossible to understand his mindset in behaving in such an awful manner.

I don’t blame you for deciding to distance yourself from someone who thinks it’s acceptable to behave like that.

Viviennemary · 14/09/2024 23:03

I wouldn't go on any more outings with him. This is pretty despicable behaviour. Who does that.

Waitformetoarrive · 14/09/2024 23:05

A very cunty thing to do. YANBU, shame he did not get called out at the time but good for you with your new approach to him.

Hoppinggreen · 14/09/2024 23:05

Thats horrible.
I am not one of these that believes in laws should always see the children of a new partner as their grandchildren but there is no reason to be awful to them either.
Your H seems to have your back though

Original poster
JaneAustenshandbag · 14/09/2024 23:07

We’ve been together 6 years and married 3, so I’m not a new partner either

OP posts:
sunflowersngunpowdr · 14/09/2024 23:09

Your son sounds very mature and chilled out, good for him. I don't blame you for not saying something at the time it must have been a shock. I defo wouldn't ever have anything to do with him again though.

Original poster
JaneAustenshandbag · 14/09/2024 23:11

Yes my boy is a great kid who won’t give this another thought. He sees the best in people and is very easy going. Thankfully. I get hurt for him though.

OP posts:
Hoppinggreen · 14/09/2024 23:12

JaneAustenshandbag · 14/09/2024 23:07

We’ve been together 6 years and married 3, so I’m not a new partner either

I meant new as in not the parent of their Grandchildren but even if it was the first time FIl had met you and your son there is no excuse for his behaviour

Original poster
JaneAustenshandbag · 14/09/2024 23:14

I see. I just expect good manners really.

OP posts:
EBearhug · 14/09/2024 23:14

If the children had brought a friend along, I'd include them in chocolate-buying - it's not like he's buying them each a new car or something. The fact he is now part of the family, if not actually a blood relative, makes it worse.

Original poster
JaneAustenshandbag · 14/09/2024 23:34

I already had him muted on Facebook because he was posting anti refugee posts during the civil unrest recently - which I thought was inflammatory. DH said he’d just been brainwashed by GB news but I see the whole thing as testament to his character.

OP posts:
Ella31 · 14/09/2024 23:40

God I'm cringing. How horrible of him. Your son is so mature though and obviously has a wise head. Well done you x

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