To be a bit hurt he left my son out

[JaneAustenshandbag]

dh and I went for breakfast with FIL and his wife today. DH brought my step dc, 12 and 9 and I brought my son 14. FIL went to the shop and came out with chocolate bars for his two grandchildren and left my son with nothing.

He’s known him since he was 8. DH has messaged him to say that all of the children should be included as we are a blended family and FIL hasn’t replied. I wish I’d said something at the time but I was taken aback and left it to DH.

I think @bluegreygreen read your OP as you bought your sons breakfast and DH bought his soms…. Not that you each brought your kids along .

Oh, weird. She wrote several times that they brought the children there. Not bought.

Sorry totally misread brought for bought 😳

Oh no - DH and FIL split the bill for breakfast. We wouldn’t do that.

Imagine being that much of a cunt that you think you can weald some sort of power or opinion with a 90p var of chocolate.

Your FIL is a sad little man who I wouldn't bother with in future.

I can't get my head round this, it's so, so unpleasant. If I happened upon my kid out with a mate plus another kid I didn't know and I wanted to buy my son a treat, I'd buy something for ALL of the kids. Your son is his son's stepchild and he didn't buy him a lousy chocolate bar. Jesus. I don't know what's wrong with some people.

Yeah thats vile. Would not be having him round or seeing him again.

FIL is a git

Awful. I'd be fuming if my dad left my DSD out like that. I mean my parents probably spend a bit less on DSD than their grandchildren at Christmas and birthday's but they always buy her nice gifts. Same as with my sister's DSS. But not to buy your son a bar of chocolate is unbelievable. Go NC (at least you and your DS). Your son deserves better than that. Glad that DH seems to be on your side too.

Who paid for the meal?

dh and FIL split it

Thank you.

Yes, it is petty. I did wonder whether the old chap mistakenly thought that the 14 yr old was "too old" for sweets, but that's probably not the case, given other information we've had.

That's true.

A friend invited me to go to a comic-con with her and her children. I took along some spending money for her children. When I realised that they were being accompanied by my friend's SIL and her two children, I made sure to have enough for all. (If I'd not been able to afford it, I would simply have divided the money.)

Yes, the mums declined initially, but I told them that it was a genuine pleasure for me to see the children enjoying themselves.

The FIL in question is a fit and healthy 67 year old so not a doddery old man. He is also a millionaire so money isn’t a consideration here. I wonder if he just had a moment and forgot - but if that’s the case I would like an apology or explanation rather than just being ignored.

It is possible that FIL made a mistake, wasn’t thinking etc etc. But if that was the case, when he handed over the chocolate bars, he would have quickly realised. The natural reaction would be to apologise and insist on heading back to the shop.

But this isn’t about chocolate bars. Only a very mean person would ignore a child in such a way. A bully.

But you know this and you know that unless you take action, it will continue and probably worsen.

Leave your DH to his father. No effort at all from you. No cards, messages, meet ups. FIL has made his feelings towards you and your son clear. Listen.

I want to send your son a bar of chocolate now!
That's very mean of your FIL & totally unnecessary

DH spoke to him and he said he was buying stepson a chocolate for winning a bet with him at football. He decided not to buy chocolate for all three dc because step daughter hadn’t eaten much breakfast. When he got to the till there was an offer on for a second bar at a reduced price, so he got that and gave it to stepdaughter.
He said he was sorry and would be more mindful in future.

I’m not sure what to make of that tbh.

Likely a made up excuse but it's made him aware!

Yes and I think it’s quite a flimsy excuse. I’ll tolerate him but nothing more.

Giving him the benefit of the doubt, he may not have thought in the shop, intending to buy one bar, but it's the kind of thing you realise when you get back to the table - I have 2 bars of chocolate and three kids. Break the second bar, or stick it in your pocket!

Perhaps parents don't want grandparents buying random bars of chocolate anyway.

Perhaps it's nice to ask first.

I’m not sure he sees himself as my son’s grandparent. I’m not too bothered if my son gets a chocolate bar bought for him. It only bothers me if he’s left out.

I'm normally firmly in the camp of not expecting GPs to treat step children like their own, but this was petty.

The reason he gave is also crap. The 2 for 1 offer would leave a child out, he would have realised that so should have just bought 3.

What has your DH responded? It's good that DH has now made it clear this treatment was petty and out of line, but maybe he needs a proper conversation? I.E. I don't expect you to include in the will, give equally for house deposit, buy birthday and Xmas gifts etc but day to day, I expect you to treat my SS in the same way you treat my DC?

They do get birthday and Christmas gifts (normally money) so maybe it was just a stupid moment on the day. I agree though - it’s a silly excuse.