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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Boyfriend won't let me have alcohol?

301 replies

WitchyPoos · 14/09/2024 16:22

So story is, me and my boyfriend sometimes work opposite shifts and don't see each other some days at home like passing ships. I do a ten hour shift and have a few gins when home and he's at work he doesn't like it. If I'm on a day off and go out to see a friend in the pub he doesn't like it. Or have a few in the evening on a day off he doesn't like it. Youd think I was 16. I'm 35 🤦🏻‍♀️. I don't harm anyone I'm in my own home and in my own time but it makes me feel that way. I don't drink and ignore normal life he thinks i do. Who is BU in this situation cos I think could be me but why

OP posts:
CowboyJoanna · 14/09/2024 16:24

Maybe its how you behave when youre drunk that he doesnt like?

WigglyVonWaggly · 14/09/2024 16:24

When you say a few, are you just having three singles? Is there a possibility you’re having quite a lot at once and he’s worried? If not, he has no right to dictate what you can drink. Does he have any family issues with drinking?

Mushroo · 14/09/2024 16:25

Sounds like he’s being controlling but how many is ‘a few’?

Original poster
WitchyPoos · 14/09/2024 16:25

I have maybe two or three doubles then go to sleep. I don't argue, I don't get plastered. Just don't know I had to answer to someone

OP posts:
Purplecatshopaholic · 14/09/2024 16:25

Err, he sounds controlling. Your alcohol consumption is none of his business. Unless of course this is part of a wider issue and you do maybe drink a bit more than you should? Only you know the answer to that op.

Original poster
WitchyPoos · 14/09/2024 16:26

But even if I get drunk at home (I don't I have son here) what's it to him? A lot of backstory where he questions everything so I don't known if I'm being unreasonable or not

OP posts:
Ivehearditbothways · 14/09/2024 16:27

How many times a week are you drinking two or three doubles alone?

INeedAnotherName · 14/09/2024 16:27

Multiple units a week could be borderline alcoholism. One or two a week would fall under controlling behaviour.

How many units, and what are his concerns?

cartagenagina · 14/09/2024 16:27

Two or three home poured doubles could be quite a lot.

How much do you drink on an average week would you say?

Does he drink alcohol? Is he controlling in any other ways?

Ghilliegums · 14/09/2024 16:28

Three double gins is a lot to be drinking at home by the way.

Not sure whether your boyfriend is a controlling dick, or justifiably concerned.

cartagenagina · 14/09/2024 16:28

Sorry just seen your update saying you have DS at home. How old is he?

cookiebee · 14/09/2024 16:29

You don’t have to answer to anyone, in a way neither of you are totally wrong, although the not drinking when out with friends is concerning, if it’s he does he not wish you to socialise at all (bad) or is it he doesn’t want you to socialise and drink alcohol? (Personal preference) I think the simple answer is you want different things. You want to drink alcohol, he doesn’t want it to be part of your relationship, I think you have to call it a day.

Ivehearditbothways · 14/09/2024 16:29

If it’s just this issue then he isn’t wrong. You’re drinking too much, too often and you’re drinking alone. A partner is meant to be concerned about and it’s his job to talk about it with you and tell you that he is concerned.

Really, have a think about how much you drink.

If there are other issues in the relationship and he does other things then you shouldn’t ignore those, but I think this is an entirely separate issue because you are drinking too much.

Jagshamesh · 14/09/2024 16:30

There's nothing like a bit of coercive control in a relationship.

DadJoke · 14/09/2024 16:30

What does he say to you about it? He could be concerned you are an alcoholic or be a controlling dick - I just can’t tell.

Are you able to go a week without alcohol?

maddening · 14/09/2024 16:32

Do you have kids?

maddening · 14/09/2024 16:33

And is it every night drinking?

Thepeopleversuswork · 14/09/2024 16:35

It’s hard to know whether this is control or genuine concern.

You are correct that you are an adult and he has no right to tell you what to do. But as someone who was married to an alcoholic it is distressing to watch a partner who clearly has a drink problem.

I have to say I would be quite uncomfortable if my partner regularly drank on their own at home. It doesn’t feel healthy to me. I think you ought to ask yourself honestly if you have a problem.

Fundamentally though his mistake is to think he can stay and control it. With alcoholics it is binary. You either stay and accept it or you leave. He can’t have it both ways.

GabriellaMontez · 14/09/2024 16:35

What does he actually say?

Original poster
WitchyPoos · 14/09/2024 16:38

It's once a week maybe twice depending on my shifts. But he drinks every night. My son is 16 so want to set a good example. Nice one everyone that said I have problem tho I assure you in don't 😂. I can go weeks without drinking and some weeks I don't drink as work 6 days sometimes. I'm on about his behaviour here and not trying to justify mine.

OP posts:
timenowplease · 14/09/2024 16:39

WitchyPoos · 14/09/2024 16:25

I have maybe two or three doubles then go to sleep. I don't argue, I don't get plastered. Just don't know I had to answer to someone

So you're drinking more than a bottle of gin a week?

cookiebee · 14/09/2024 16:41

WitchyPoos · 14/09/2024 16:38

It's once a week maybe twice depending on my shifts. But he drinks every night. My son is 16 so want to set a good example. Nice one everyone that said I have problem tho I assure you in don't 😂. I can go weeks without drinking and some weeks I don't drink as work 6 days sometimes. I'm on about his behaviour here and not trying to justify mine.

I feel like you should have mentioned this in your first post!

CountZacular · 14/09/2024 16:41

He’s a hypocrite and he’s controlling. Bin him before he starts making demands on other factors of your life.

Original poster
WitchyPoos · 14/09/2024 16:42

@timenowplease
No. A bottle could last me 3 weeks. Depend what I'm working maybe more

OP posts:
gamerchick · 14/09/2024 16:43

WitchyPoos · 14/09/2024 16:38

It's once a week maybe twice depending on my shifts. But he drinks every night. My son is 16 so want to set a good example. Nice one everyone that said I have problem tho I assure you in don't 😂. I can go weeks without drinking and some weeks I don't drink as work 6 days sometimes. I'm on about his behaviour here and not trying to justify mine.

This is Mumsnet, where drinking at home alone is frowned upon. In a page or 2 time your controlling bloke will be the poor bugger who should leave you for being a raging alcoholic. It's tiresum.

Tell him, he doesn't get to control anything you do and if he can't handle that then maybe the relationship doesn't have long lasting legs.

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