to get pissed off with all those surveys that say working mums screw kids up...because I'm fine ..are you guys? did your mum work? we need to sort this argument out once and for all!

[MicrowaveOnly]

Because that's the real question some of the age old threads could be asking

My mum worked. I am fine.

I work, my kids are fine.

DM are cunts.

My mum worked full time and did things like running brownie groups/sunday school etc before she got ill. She also nursed her mum when she was dying (alongside 2 children under 2) and then took in her brother.

I never felt for a moment that she wasn't available for me or that I was being palmed off.

Dp's mum also worked and did lots of activities within the church. He felt the same.

That's what I based my/our decision to work on (well that and the lack of money )

Oh yeah, it's sooooooo damaging to have a happy mum who decides or has no choice but to work outside of the home. Such a bad example for a mum to have a paid job outside the home. So wrong for a motgher to have a career, enjoy her work, need to earn money etc. Terrible example. All girls in school should only learn home econmincs, poetry, needlework and music. No point in anything else, they have to give it all up as soon as they have kids so what's the point in them being educated?

My mum didn't work for a few years when we were young and that was because my dad didn't want her working but as soon as she started work she was a much more interesting person to me and I respected her more.

I work, when not on mat leave and my children are cared for by a childminder and my parents while I work (for 3 days) and they are incredibly socialable, confident happy children who are not shy around anyone and love life. They have relationships with people outside of me and the home which I think is great.

It works for me and them and I wouldn't change anything about our situation.

Up yer bum Daily Schmail.

My mum worked full-time, she had to, she was a single parent, never did I feel deprived because my mum worked.

I too admired her for what she did for us.

I worked full time with dd, she is now 20 and at university, she says she had an idyllic childhood and remembers all the places I took her on a weekend, we didn't have much money and I felt guilty for working. I used to take her somewhere by bus or train or by foot every weekend to spend quality time with her. She is a well rounded, confident and considerate young lady.

I am on maternity leave at present but in a few weeks I will be back at full time work, more money than 20 years ago but bigger commitments, ie large mortgage etc.

My mum worked, but not until my younger sister was in school. School holidays were not a problem as she got a job as a school secretary.

I work, although mainly in a voluntary capacity. Whilst my children were younger, I restricted my work to evenings and weekends, and then moved on to weekdays when my youngest was in school. I don't work during the school holidays.

If working works for your family, then go for it. It doesn't work for all families. Neither does having a parent at home all the time.

You are either castigated for abandonning your family by working or castigated for wasting your education/letting down the sisterhood by staying at home. I think we should just accept that there are a million different ways of doing what is right for our families and maybe people should stop reading the Daily Mail and then posting rants on here .

My mum worked and I'm not fine. But I don't think it was anything to do with her working, more that she's a mad old bat

She had 2 jobs from me being about 10ish, and left at 5am so I had to get me and my sister (3 years younger than me) up and ready for school, (dad was either at work too or asleep in bed depending on his shift) and she had another job which meant she was out again when we got home from school. She'd done dinner and left it in the microwave and she got home about 930pm. Again, dad either at work or in bed.

She did what she had to do, more power to her elbow and all that..she must have been knackered and she did it all to help support us - dad at that time was a miner. He did 12 hour shifts, and when he wasn't working he was in bed because it was knackering back breaking work!

But I have to be honest, it felt horrible to get up and my mum not be there. It felt awful to go home to an empty or quiet house. I understand now why it had to be the way it did, but at the time I didn't. All I knew is my mum was never there. It was horrible to not have my mum there and to have to sort myself and my sister out every day. I do remember that I wished she didn't work.

Did it screw me up long term? No.

My parents always worked full time either running their own businesses or working for other people. They both worked very long hours and either had us with them when it was their own business and we were very little or we went home to an empty house.

They both always hated whatever job/business they were doing and we were always broke. I wasnt fussed about them working as I was always fully aware of money or the lack of so the question of my mother not working would have been nonsensical.

I do find it sad that she always did jobs she hated and could never afford to take time out to retrain to do something she could have enjoyed.

I did wonder what mums who didnt work did all day. I imagined them sitting down all day watching tv!

So not damaged because of the working but would have been better had I felt my mother had been furfilled by what she was doing rather than doing it just to pay the bills.

my mum didn;t work.......she got ill......that screwed me up.

stable family lives where both parents work to support you don;t screw kiddies up.

stable family lives where mum or dad stay at home don;t screw kiddies up.

UNSTABLE lives where both parents or one parent doesn't give a damn......THAT screws kiddies up!!!!

My dad worked, my mum worked. what stays with me is how much mum disliked the jobs she had to do (waitress, receptionist, helper on hospital ward), and how they came second to dad's choices. It made me more determined to stick with a career, not resent having to give one up for financially necessary, but unhappy, jobs. My brother and I are both fine, btw.

This is great really isn't it, real people saying how their parents decision affected them.

It begs the question how do all these surveys decide that a child is adversly affected by their mums decision to work.

What is their basis?

Anyone know?

Ah yes, my mother finally left my father a few years ago. SHe came out of the marriage with no pension (he always told her it was more important he pay into his and she didnt need one) and no home. She now lives in sheltered housing.

I am very glad I earn enough on my own to support my whole family, pay large mortgage and childcare. If dh left tomorrow financially it wouldnt affect me.

My mum and my second step-dad both worked shifts when I was a teenager and I had to look after my brother and sister who were vile. I have to look after them all the time and sometimes even over night, sending them off to school. It was crap and I really missed out on my teenage years. Obviously not every child of working parents would be in the same position, and part of it must have to do with my mum's personality) but just wanted to give an honest view.

However doesn't mean I am going to stay at home all day for DD. Currently DH and I work part time so we are both at home for her, but I didn't spend 5 years at University, and get in lots of debt, to stay at home all day.

My mum was a single parent and worked full-time - at first in a low paid job but over the years worked her way up the corporate ladder and now earns a fat salary. My brother and I are very proud of her. I used to look after my brother and sometimes resented it, but I think teenagers often resent being asked to do anything responsible! I think we're fairly well adjusted.

MicrowaveOnly, I admire your attempt to have this argument out once and for all .

What (imo) would be a useful AIBU is:

To be annoyed that yet again the 'media' pit sahms vs wohms.

It is so extremely tiresome.

Freckle sums it up perfectly

You are either castigated for abandonning your family by working or castigated for wasting your education/letting down the sisterhood by staying at home. I think we should just accept that there are a million different ways of doing what is right for our families and maybe people should stop reading the Daily Mail and then posting rants on here.

Of course I defend your right to rant away on here , mn active convos would be 50% poorer without a good dollop of ranting.

LOL at sorting out for once and for all.

Good luck!

My parents both worked, as far as I was concerned, that was what adults did. I didn't ever feel more attached to my childminder, or abandoned, or whatever. They were my parents, they made loads of time for me and enjoyed being with me, but Monday-Friday, they worked. No big deal.

My parents both worked, as far as I was concerned, that was what adults did. I didn't ever feel more attached to my childminder, or abandoned, or whatever. They were my parents, they made loads of time for me and enjoyed being with me, but Monday-Friday, they worked. No big deal.

another lol at sorting it for once and for all, yeah right.

Agree with Sheik about DM.

sorry, twitchy finger, too much coffee this morning

Mum worked full-time once I went into p6. Never thought anything of it although I appreciated the fringe benefits of the increased cash flow.Granny looked after me before and after school, I loved it. I'm OK.

Btw, wouldn't call myself 'fine' in that I don't think I have sorted every single issue wrt my mother/family but I am happy.

My mum was a sahm and I think it made her dull tbh. I don't think she was happy and I think she would have been happier had she found something she loved and worked at it. I think there was a lot of guilt on her part too because her husband was our stepfather, not our father, and so he (stepfather) paid for our upbringing while she sah. Our dad didn't always pay maintenance. In her position damn right I'd have worked.

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