to get pissed off with all those surveys that say working mums screw kids up...because I'm fine ..are you guys? did your mum work? we need to sort this argument out once and for all!

[MicrowaveOnly]

Because that's the real question some of the age old threads could be asking

My mother didnt work until my youngest sister was 3. Then she went part time. Both my grandmothers did the same - didnt work until the youngest was 3 then went back. I plan to do this too.

I felt secure and happy. I was sent to playgroup aged 3 for a couple of mornings a week. One of my earliest memories is the feeling of relief at the end of those mornings when mum collected us - I found the loudness and being in constant company of lots of other children tiring and overstimulating (I had no problems adjusting to school though). For this reason I dont want dd to go to a nursery until she is older. I know I would have hated it personally.

Each to their own though. Most of my friends work and leave their DC in nurseries - I am definitely the oddity round here but c'est la vie!

"completely agree. My parents love each other, but my mum has always had her own money, her own bank account, has a pension plan she's beeen paying into for years, lots of money in savings etc. She has always made sure she's independant no matter what, you never know what'll happen tomorrow. She never wanted to be dependant soley on my dad or his money, and she's raised her girls to be independant as well. "

I agree with this. I know the law has changed a bit re pensions etc but my mum has worked since I was about 12 and my dad and her split when I was 20 something. Had my mum stayed a SAHM she would have had to rely on my dad and he would have sold the house from under here. As it was she was able to buy him out because she had a good income. Working has kept her on her feet. She is still working. Being a SAHM was not a choice for my mum, it was near on impossible for her to work and raise 3 kids in the mid 70's. My dad spent his money on himself a lot of the time ad it was us kids and my mum who suffered, even when she started it was mainly her wages which paid for our stuff.

I have so much respect for my mum for changing her life.

Yes I would agree with that policywonk. My experience of SAHMs has been mixing with volunteers and women who have temporarily given up work for a few years because they see child rearing as more important. My experience of mixing with people from the world of work has not been any more interesting. I don't have much in common with someone who works in a building society or whatever and I don't see why they would automatically be more interesting than someone who doesn't.

Since we're sharing mum stories, my mum stayed at home until I was 12. In that time she volunteered for the PTA and was very supportive of the school in general. Then she went to work and the interest in school and everything else in my life seemed to disappear. She built up a very successful business career and is now a big earner. She lives to work. Good for her, but I just don't feel the same way. Before DS I had a very interesting career in museums and have loads of qualifications. But I get much more fun and satisfaction from what I do now.

(I'm not saying that anyone who has a career and children is the same as my mum BTW, but you can see how it has coloured my view).

My mum, like me, worked for a bit after having children, stopped for a bit, then went back again. She is still working.

The difference between us is education. My mum wanted us to have the education she missed out on. And we did.

My mum found her fulfillment not in her work, but in the OU courses she did in her forties and her subsequent work for various voluntary organisations. She maintains that intellectual fulfillment is the essential thing, and she is happy if we manage that - irrespective of how we manage that.

my mum worked full time, and I have very few memories of her when I was a child, except for her falling asleep on the sofa every evening in front of the tele. I seemed to spend most of my childhood up to age 12 at my aunty's. I remember asking if I could go and live there with her and my cousin instead. She never had any time for us or did anything with us. Then she married a complete c**t (a word I never use, but he was),.

I wasn't really conscious of whose mum worked and whose didn't. . I can't say as a child if I had a great opinion of other people's mums and certainly not in relation to whether or not they worked.

I want my kids to know I'm there for them, and that they're not an inconvenience, a hinderence, and that nothing is moe important than them.

At the moment I am a sahm, largely through circumstance, partly through choice. I would like to go back to work at some point, right now it's not possible. Then at least the boys will have memories of me being at home for and with them, but also later in paid employment. They see right now that I work. A lot. So I don't worry about that. And I find it offensive to suggest that sahm are dull.

1. My mum worked from when I was three.
2. My dad had an important role in my upbringing.
3. They had a dysfunctional marriage

It was 2) and 3) which screwed me up.

my mother always worked when i was growing up or socialising with her friends....my oldest brother was more or less brought up by my grandparents

my twin brother had cerebal palsy so used to stay at school monday, tuesday and thurday...on a wedensday he would come home and i would have to look after him when she went out

my grandparents had him from friday to monday...they were in their late 70s,early 80s when he died....let me add that he couldnt walk or talk...do anything really.

I on the other hand stayed at my dads/nans at weekend and whoever would have me during the week until i hit 14....she then let me stay at home and do whatever i pleased...apart from wedensdays

Im sure my mother is an exception...but i made the choice to spend my time at home with my DC until very recently...i am studying at college now

can i add that i was a very troubled teenager...but i turned out fine

My mum worked full time from when I was about 5. I used to go home to the cleaner and when I was older I was a latchkey kid. We never had anyone over, I was a lonely, unhappy kid who turned into a self medicating depressed teenager adn so on...

Don't think that it was the fact that my mum worked, more that she was herself depressed and a more a sign that she wasn't interested in her kids.

Only now sorting it out, presently SAHM by choice because I want a very different childhood for my boys.

My Mum worked and although she took time off when my brother was very little, she did work at crucial points in my childhood and I can remember clearly feeling that she was leaving me with too much responsibility. When I was 12/13 looking after my 8-9 year old brother all day making lunch and entertaining ourselves during the school holidays.
It has made a strange relationship with my brother as I was put in a role of responsibility with him that was hard to shake off once we were older.

Did it change who I am as an adult.. I think it did, would I have had a different time as a teenager if Mum had been around for me to discuss getting raped, or accidentally falling pregnant in later years... Yup.. but it is too late.

sorry didn't mean to be so personal.. I am not blaming my mum for any of the things that happened to me, it is just that she wasn't there to help me pick up the pieces.

My mother was a stay at home mom... she was a wonderful mother, caring and creative and always there when we got home from school.

But what i really learned from her and my father's marriage is that her sahm role left her with no real power or say in many aspects of the finances and running of the household.

I also saw her extremely depressed at times for lack of adult /stimulating conversations.

I found this to still be a problem when i went to a mom?s drinks night out from the school my ds goes to.. almost all were sahm or worked a few days a week or mornings only. Holy bat sh*& they drove me crazy talking about episiotomies and all manner of childcare.. because they had nothing else to talk about. It was really sad ? what do these types of women talk to their husbands about?

NYC, your mother didn't lack power in your parents relationship because she was a SAHM: the two things are not causally related. I'm a SAHM, and I deal with all the finances in our relationship, and make all the major financial decisions.

Similarly, your mothers' friends weren't dull and self-absorbed because they were SAHMs. They would presumably have been dull and self-absorbed whatever they did with their time.

Hello Motherinferior... I think I have signed up for CAT so I'm not sure why I haven't received messages... Presumably they just come to the email account we sign up with?

Perhaps SAHms are blighted by other people's perception of them ?

Perhaps SAHms are blighted by other people's perception of them ?

beanie - I dunno about 'blighted', but these threads have opened my eyes over the last couple of days. I'm beginning to realise that there are a lot of posters on MN who truly believe SAHMs to be bovine, foolish, witless, gutless, talentless no-marks. I find it really astonishing.

I frequently meet people in paid employment who are dull or stupid. I've lost count of the number of times that someone has bored me by droning on about their damned job. However, from this I have not drawn the conclusion that everyone in paid employment is a droning fool.

I find it depressing that so many posters on here can't follow the basic logic of this point, and choose instead to wallow in their own prejudices.

Well, my mum didn't work til I was about 9, and didn't work full time til I was a teenager, and I've very grateful for that. She put her career off until we were older.

I'll certainly not be working full time til my kids are older - both for them, because I do think it is important to be with someone you love when you're small, and also for me because I woulnd't want to miss these precious years with my children.

People are dull or interesting not because of how they spend their day but because of how interested they are in the world around them, their fellow human beings, what makes others' tick etc

The boring ones are those who can ONLY talk about their small field of interest or who believe they are right on all subjects.

Me and DH are in the fortunate position that we can work round each other. I work full time, but its shifts and long days so that I only work 15 days in the month and DH does supply work on my days off.
I have always worked part time since the DC were babies (have gone full time in last few months) but did evening shifts so that I went out to work when DH came home. I appreciate that I am very fortunate to have a career where this is possible.
I do think that the way we work has improved the DCs relationship with their father as they see equal amounts of both of us and certainly he is more aware of what they are doing at school

Only the same as the surveys that say women who don't work damage the success of their daughters.... what about women who just gave up a bit?
My mum worked part time and I'm a SAHM, my mum was happy and fullfilled and so am I, for now.
It was the very early and long menopause that screwed up my teens!!!!

Well, my mother was a SAHM - and didn't we know it!!!! There wasn't a day went by when we weren't informed of "everything" she had "given up for us". She was a bloody nightmare. Funnily enough, my sisters and I are all WOHMs.