To think men should understand how unsafe women feel?

[Fraudornot]

So on a works night out and had to get home - I feel unsafe wandering around our large city centre at night on my own to get home. Men who I consider to be fairly aware don’t even think of this as an issue - how to ensure female employees feel safe to get home. What are others experience of this? I’m keen to know what the norm is and if we should all be aware of how women feel getting home after a night out in a city centre. Or should it just be up to us to make sure we can get a taxi. I feel there might well be a pile on about sort yourself out don’t rely on men. But surely we should all ensure the safety of the whole group.

What a lovely example from slaphead as to why most men are terrible allies.

He's basically said if you want equity don't expect men to be on your side. Either be subservient to them or risk getting attacked or raped whilst they stand by and chuckle at the feminists getting abused.

I used to work in construction and despite being a feminist would have been more than happy for a man I trusted to share a taxi with me to ensure I didn't end up in a ditch. However the ones that did seem concerned almost always tried it on. So I used to take my chances walking alone.

Men rarely offer something without wanting something in exchange. The good ones are few and far between. Most view women like this man does.

Only yesterday I had an engineering business owner tell me how it as a disgrace that women didn't have to declare whether they were pregnant when they applied for jobs. He was seething as he had taken on a woman who was a few weeks pregnant. Apparently she should have been legally obliged to tell him so he would have been able to discriminate against her.

What really fucks me off about this post is that you can hear the glee in @baldyheed post. He really relishes the idea of women being physically hurt if they dare to want equality.

It really makes you understand how the Taliban have been so successful. So many men will be complicit or secretly happy that the uppity women are being put back in their place.

lost the argument so brings out the tired old sexist cliches and says that non-muslim men support the taliban. Only on MN folks

I know plenty of men who are fearful of walking home in the dark. I know so many men who have been on the receiving end of violence who have severe anxiety when leaving the house during the day and it's worse for them at night. I think it's quite sad that people can be so dismissive of male victims of violence and the impact it can have on them.

So you think men are more fearful than women?
As that is what I am disputing. Poor men they can't even go out in the daytime. Such cases are the exception not the norm. You know this but you pretend otherwise. Why is that?

I guess men should put on their hi viz jackets at the end of the evening, get out their walkie talkies and herd all the women folk into cabs!

Its important that men understand what makes women feel unsafe, and help them not to if applicable, but guys are just as scared of all the male psychos out there who are just cruising for trouble and would love to, and indeed do take out innocent average guys with a single punch!

Why can't you understand that you're being disgustingly dismissive of the fact some men do feel at risk because they ARE and because, whether you believe it or not, it's not that exceptional for men to be victims too?

Violence is the exception not the norm anyway. That's the normal state of affairs, and rightly so.

Men are not more fearful than women, but they are at higher risk out of the house. Which sort of begs the question...are they wrong to be less fearful, or are women wrong for being as fearful as some profess to be given their lower statistical risk?

Speaking personally, I'm not fearful of violence when I'm out of the house. I take sensible precautions, I plan ahead of time for anything that can reasonably go wrong, and I've basically done all that I can to keep myself safe. If that doesn't work, then I know at the very least that there's nothing else I could've done.

For what it's worth, though, I've been a victim of violence twice - both times were at the hands of groups of women (and neither were prosecuted, despite me ending up in hospital both times).

This thread is utterly bizarre.

So many posters berating women for feeling unsafe, calling them fearful, implying they live in fear, that they never feel fear themselves, that they feel safe out and about that they don't need to take or consider safety precautions and scoffing at posters who do and imply men aren't dangerous etc etc

Yet route plan safe ways home for their sons, insist their sons are fearful of going out in the dark, that some know men who are scared to leave the house.

It's like a parallel universe where men are only a danger to other men and that women are perfectly safe and fine.

Interesting too, how these same posters often pop up on threads that relate to women's issues and insist women's problems affect men too, despite them not and even pop up on threads where a woman has been raped by a man and continue to defend men there too.

And as always, the problem is men.

It is everyone's own responsibility to get themselves home.

If you were worried, you could have;
Pre booked taxi
Agreed with others to share transport together
Drive yourself
Use public transport
Ask a friend or relative to pick you up

I can sort myself out, as a woman I make sure I don't need to rely on a man in any way. Same with my friends, we know how to get taxis

Agree with this, everyone should look out for everyone.
I have one work colleague who’s known for getting very drunk and losing her phone/keys/bag. Anyone going home in the same direction as her makes sure she gets home safely.
Its usually me because I never get that pissed on works night outs, I don’t really want them to see that side of me 😂

As a man I do understand what the op is saying. But works nights outs are optional. You can get a taxi to pick you up from the door. I part own a bar and we pay for taxis for female staff at night to get home.

Stats show that young men are much more likely to be attacked on a night out. It's happened to as on more than one occasion and I was brought up to be hyper aware in such situations.

However, women need to be prepared to ask for someone to walk them to taxis, buses etc.

If the op is feeling worried about the future can I suggested she gets a personal alarm and perhaps takes self defence lessons

I part own a bar and we pay for taxis for female staff at night to get home.

Stats show that young men are much more likely to be attacked on a night out. It's happened to as on more than one occasion and I was brought up to be hyper aware in such situations.

So why are you only paying for taxis for your female staff?

I feel safer out at night without a man - because they are more likely to get attacked than me!!

I never get drunk etc these days & always have a taxi app handy plus a safe place I can get the taxi from.

Exactly

My work often finishes late

If we finish after a certain time and/or after our last bus/train home then ALL staff are entitled to a taxi home on the company, regardless of gender

So many posters berating women for feeling unsafe, calling them fearful, implying they live in fear, that they never feel fear themselves, that they feel safe out and about that they don't need to take or consider safety precautions and scoffing at posters who do and imply men aren't dangerous etc etc

What a disingenuous take on what's been said! Saying that "all women" don't feel unsafe and that some of us don't walk through town in fear is not berating women who do feel safe, it's saying the sweeping generalisation isn't helpful or accurate. The only poster going on about being fearful/living in fear, is going on about men and being rather harsh at men.

The only scoffing has been at your idea we all instinctually take precautions as women that men don't. Which you've not been able to explain what those are...

And NO ONE has claimed men aren't dangerous. It's been pointing out that men are a danger to other men and moreso random strangers to men they don't know

I’m currently in a city centre on my own. I’m not in the least concerned about it. It’s my responsibility to get myself home and it wouldn’t occur to me not to. If i al somewhere I know Uber is reliable I will use that. If I have any doubt I’ll pre book a cab

Absolute nonsense. No one is berating women for feeling unsafe of scoffing at posters who do. Some of us have said we don't feel unsafe. I've said several times I completely understand that some women don't feel safe. I have a friend who feels scared walking home alone. I empathise and go out of my way to walk her home, then I walk home alone from her house. Fine, that suits us both.
Men are more at risk of attack. No harm in pointing that out. If anyone (male or female) feels unsafe, walking alone in the street, then they can make plans to get home safely (drive, taxi, walk with friends, whatever). We're all adults here. I still don't see why the responsibility of worry and consideration should placed on the shoulders of male colleagues, as the OP implied.

Plenty of people on here are berating women, it's all there to read.

The OP never said men should be responsible for women getting home safely, she asked why men don't consider women's safety. That's poles apart from what was asked and people have decided to read and run with

Besides it still doesn't make sense. If men are the ones more scared than women of the dangers out there, as you all keep scrabbling to point out, then why aren't they aware of these same dangers for women? Because that's what the OP asked?

Instead it's turned into yet another thread defending men and making them the victims because women are necessarily fearful, despite more men, apparently, being scared of men.

I have instructed self defence for women for 20 years plus yes you need to be careful and yes you need to make an assessment and yes you need to decide what is safe and what is not but ….

The fear of crime is far higher than the likely hood of crime and in many cases the affect on people from the fear of crime has such a negative affect on people’s lives that it does not need to.

I can tell you I 100% respect and care about women’s safety but if you are worried the first thing you need to do is go on a self defence course.

statistcally the group most likely to be attacked are young males 18-26 not females.

Those stats are higher due to men getting into fights with each other. Unprovoked sexual attacks on women are what we fear and I’ve had friends this has happened to one was at 6pm on the way home from work midwinter it was dark.

This. Your safety is your responsibility to take precautions.

Another good point.

looks to me like you have dismissed men getting attacked which is probably not the best course when this thread is about one sex not being able to understand the risk to the other