to be expected to have grandchild overnight every week.

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DIL appears to be getting in the habit of asking us to have our DGC 1come stay one night every week, usually my days off work. DGC1 is 9 months old.

Because of this it means we cannot have my other DGC2 as i'm then back to work. DGC2 is 7 months old.

I do not feel able to have both at the same time.

I do so want to be involved in DGC's lives, and i don't want DIL to think i don't care or love DGC1 but i also want to be able to spend time with the other one.

AIBU in refusing to have DGC1 as often so i can spend some time with DGC2.

DIL asks us to have DGC1 so they can go out etc. DD has never asked us to have DGC2 but has said it would be nice to have an overnight break once in a while.

Do what you want, it's their kids not yours. 1 night every 2 weeks is fine if that's all you want.

Can’t you just say that at the age they are you aren’t comfortable having both but want to see them both so will alternate weeks?
Only if you’re happy having one of them every week obviously! I think it’s quite cheeky to expect someone to have your child every week, especially when they’re very young and need more looking after.

Let both of them know that they can have 1 sleepover a month and stick to it :)

Your DIL can ask but you don't have to agree. Tell her you can't manage both together and you can't play favourites so every week isn't possible.

It's quite odd wording that you think you're having the DGC for your DD and DIL - I presume they have partners too? I presume you're actually helping your son out?

Aside from that YANBU, a sleepover once a week sounds quite a lot for a baby and as you say, you want to see both DGC.

I would suggest a schedule that you are happy with, and then everyone knows where they stand.

Jeez can't believe parents would dump their baby once a week overnight.
Just tell her that once a week is a bit too much, maye every 3 weeks, or in emergencies

What about your son OP? Is it just your daughter in law asking for childcare?

Presumably DIL is married to your son? Any particular reason you haven’t spoken with him about this? Is he not also responsible for taking the proverbial with all the babysitting requests?

They want to go out drinking 1 night in 7, and their baby is 9months old?

They want 1/7 of their baby’s nights to be with someone else on a routine basis?

Bizarre.

What????

i would not have my grand babies overnight at such a young age, just no way tbh

Pick a frequency that works for you. Even a couple of times a year would be generous.

unless there are extraordinary circumstances, you are babysitting for your son, not your dil.

You are the boss of your own life OP. And you deserve to put boundaries in with what you are comfortable with.

Put those boundaries in now before they walk all over them.

I wouldn't be comfortable with having such young babies overnight. Once in a while, fine but not on a regular basis.

Pawning off her nine month old overnight every week? She and your son are taking the absolute piss.

Op, I have a grandchild that same age and I don't have them overnight at all yet, and I absolutely will not be having them every single week. I adore my grandchild but I have a life, too, and I've done my share of parenting. It's their turn now. Like you, I work full-time and I have my house and husband I want to dedicate time to, as well.

Talk to your son and his wife and lay out your boundaries.

I can believe she's asking every week. She's straying into CF territory there.

I wouldn't be expecting sleepovers at all at the ages of your DGC but if you want to offer occasionally that's fine.

Perfect!

OP has said it is DIL asking, not her son. Why the hell are people giving her a hard time about it?

What’s she supposed to do - tell DIL she can’t speak to her about the DHC, only to her son?

Surely people know that it’s not unusual for it to be the mum of a baby making the arrangements.

🙄

Gosh you are very sharp to spot that.. it's DIL asking as Son is either working when the sleepovers are needed or they are going out together. DIL is an organisor (and self confessed control freak) and we have a good relationship so it makes sense she does the asking. And correct DD is also married and i did say, she has never asked us to have DGC overnight but has suggested that it might be nice on occasion.

I am a new Grandparent and am trying my best to give as much support and really am not sure what's 'right' or 'expected' as a hands on grandparent and i also don't want to be taken advantage of.

Edited after update.

Your DIL is taking the piss and being a CF.
Knock it on the head now.

Your daughter has every right to get annoyed that you are being used like this.
Deal with it now.
Every week is absolutely ridiculous.

I think you need to ask your DD if she wants you to have her baby overnight and if yes then when. She might not be keen on this yet.
Then when DIL would ask you’d say no if it’s on the same date and yes if not and you were happy with it. Simple.

You need to say no occasionally; if it's a very regular thing to have your grandchild once a week it will become an expectation rather than a bonus.

I think that is very often to have a grandchild to stay over at such a young age. You are quite within your rights to say no it make it clear once a month/8 weeks or whatever you are comfortable with.

I’d say it’s pretty unusual for a GP to look after babies at that age. I breast fed / am breast feeding so it’s not really an option but even once I’d stopped I didn’t feel comfortable asking my mum to look after my LB over night until he was 2. I worried he’d keep her up all night! Your DIL and DS are lucky you are doing any over nights, just tell them what you’re happy with.

Unless you're prepared to just carry on as you have been then you need to raise it with your son (who is just as cheeky) and your dil to make changes. But please don't become a martyr like so many grandparents on here. You're also not doing them any favours long term, they need to be forced to 'get on with it'in raising their own child rather than going out boozing weekly which isn't very appropriate behaviour for new parents.