to be expected to have grandchild overnight every week.

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DIL appears to be getting in the habit of asking us to have our DGC 1come stay one night every week, usually my days off work. DGC1 is 9 months old.

Because of this it means we cannot have my other DGC2 as i'm then back to work. DGC2 is 7 months old.

I do not feel able to have both at the same time.

I do so want to be involved in DGC's lives, and i don't want DIL to think i don't care or love DGC1 but i also want to be able to spend time with the other one.

AIBU in refusing to have DGC1 as often so i can spend some time with DGC2.

DIL asks us to have DGC1 so they can go out etc. DD has never asked us to have DGC2 but has said it would be nice to have an overnight break once in a while.

Is your DIL coping OK? It's quite unusual for a newish mum to want her MIL to have a baby that young for overnights as often as that. Most threads on here are all about how to stop predatory MILs snatching young babies away from their unwilling mums! If sleepovers are needed because your DS is working that night, does that mean she lacks the confidence to look after the baby singlehanded? I'd hesitate before assuming she's cheeky, lazy or taking the piss and try to find out more.

no DIL is mid 30's... DD is mid 20's. Both very much planned babies however both from very different financial positions. DS is having to take on extra work whereas SIL has a well paid job and they can afford for DD to be a SAHM is thats what she choses.

I would be straightforward about this - you don't have to justify your decision. Just say we seem to be sliding into a once a week sleepover, and it's too much. I only have one grandchild, and we had her a lot before she went to school, but not at night.

I wouldn’t say anything to DIL as you risk alienating her. Also, your DD may not be ready to leave baby quite yet.

If I were you I’d ask DD if she’d like you to have baby on x date - put the offer out and let her know she can ask. Make sure the plan is in place in advance and then you can always say to DIL “sorry, I have DD baby that day- can we do next week” and so on.

i do not want to DIL bash. She is a more competant and loving mother, however she also has a very active social life and has perhaps not adjusted so well yet to life with a baby and is one of the first of her friendship circle to have a baby.

Remember you can say no. I often have DGS overnight at weekends because his parents work odd hours. If I say no she'll drop the shift. I've done this since he was a baby . The plus side is I have an incredibly close relationship with him. The down side is that he isn't always on his best behaviour when he's here,.

They are really taking the P.

I have a similar aged baby who’s had 1 night sleepover (due to an emergency hospital admission with a biking and DP away). My MIL is very involved and we usually see her one evening an week and at maybe every other weekend we will usually do something together for a few hours or she will take the kids out by herself. I really appreciate the help and the kids love seeing her and it means I don’t feel guilty asking if we really needed help or occasional evening babysitting for an anniversary or similar.

You need to say it’s too much but you want to be involved and offer an arrangement you are happy with

The grandchildren are very young to be left over night. I have 2 x grandchildren both just over 2 years and from 2 darling children. I have never been asked to have them overnight yet although I childmind them both every week. Think it’s quite unusual for parents to go out weekly when they are still so young!

Yes, they are dumping their child every week on its loving grandmother who feels obliged to say yes at the expense of her having any day off for herself. When does she get her weekly break from the slog, as you put it.l? They are selfish. Children under 1 don't need weekly sleep overs unless there is some genuine reason, which I'm assuming there isn't or the OP would have mentioned.

I'd give them both a selection of dates within the month, and tell them they may each pick a date where you'll have the DGC overnight.

Balls in your court, these are your days off, your time to manage as you see fit.

By making it clear that you will offer when you are available, you should be able to give the one that would like to but doesn't ask, the opportunity to have some kid free time AND you put the brakes on a bit for the one that has no qualms asking and would probably dominate your time given the chance.

Make it clear (if you want to) that these overnights are on top of them visiting with DGC's or you going to visit them at their homes, so there really cannot be an accusations of 'you don't want to spend time with little Johnny' there (you do, but not as the sole carer for the entire visit!!).

My daughter is 2 and has never stayed out! I've never needed her to my mum and dad both work and so does MIL and I wouldn't expect them to have her.. I don't think DIL would be annoyed if you were to say no for any reason but you don't need to alternate weeks either once a month for both GC would be enough! When you become a parent your kids are your responsibility however it is nice to have extra support.

I think you’re being exceptionally generous with your time, and yes your son and DIL are taking the piss a bit - they should be considering that you still work and have another grandchild the same age.

I’d offer one overnight a month each for your daughter & son if you’re comfortable with that, and offer to come sit for 1-2 evenings per month (with them home at a reasonable hour) so they can have a date night. When they chose to become parents that was the end of their regularly staying out all night & sleeping in at will (at least until they can afford to pay someone for that level of work & responsibility). That sort of thing is a huge treat for the vast majority of parents of young children, not an expectation.

Absolute piss take. You need to set some boundaries.

In 3 years of life neither my parents or in laws have had my DD overnight, they probably only see her for a few hours every few weeks, I’d feel really bad asking tbh, we haven’t had even one evening to ourselves but that’s the life we chose, both sets of parents still work and I think these days most grandparents do so tend to not have their grandchildren as much.

Just communicate with your DIL, and make sure you get a break too.

I'd ask your DD if DGC 2 wants to visit overnight as you'd love to spend some time with them. Then get it booked in. When DIL asks about DGC say no not this week as you've got DGC 2 and can only manage one over night a week

It's totally reasonable for you to put in some boundaries but what I would be cautious of is saying that it's about the other grandchild

Often grandmothers do favour their daughter's children over their sons so your DIL might take that the wrong way

What I would do is just be a bit less available generally - sometimes say 'sorry no, busy this Saturday, how about next?' without getting into the reasons why

Is it the same night every week??

I think it depends on what your comfortable with - with that being said you need to be fair to both of your children.

its either a friday or a saturday night..

If your ds is having to work more why is she put socialising? Does she ask her own mom aswell? When you have a baby your life isn't your own, you can't come and go as you please she has a responsibility she's old enough to know that. It will get worse op.

I agree with this, odd phrasing.

YANBU wanting to decide your own timetable and fairness for babysitting.

Gosh that’s a lot of babysitting! My DS is 3 and has had a total of 3 sleepovers in his life (2 weddings and once when I was in labour with our second baby) DD is 1 and has never had a sleepover, in fact yesterday was only the second time she’s been left with grandparents for a few hours.
FWIW my SIL has a 3 year old also and he has weekly sleepovers with my MIL. It causes a lot of tension as my DS doesn’t get the same treatment so I would nip this in the bud now.

how long have you been doin this i dont know anyone who has gc at that age overnigt

If you're still working they're taking you for a mug!

What is the reason for the overnights?

Why doe she need overnight care that regularly? Are they both night shift workers?