to be expected to have grandchild overnight every week.

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DIL appears to be getting in the habit of asking us to have our DGC 1come stay one night every week, usually my days off work. DGC1 is 9 months old.

Because of this it means we cannot have my other DGC2 as i'm then back to work. DGC2 is 7 months old.

I do not feel able to have both at the same time.

I do so want to be involved in DGC's lives, and i don't want DIL to think i don't care or love DGC1 but i also want to be able to spend time with the other one.

AIBU in refusing to have DGC1 as often so i can spend some time with DGC2.

DIL asks us to have DGC1 so they can go out etc. DD has never asked us to have DGC2 but has said it would be nice to have an overnight break once in a while.

Just say you'll alternate weeks.

By the way, your DD and DIL are so lucky! My parents and in laws are all great but they don't take my kids over night at all!! Even an evenings babysitting is a big deal!!

Speak to your son about it.

I don’t find it so shocking that a GP would have their grandchildren once a week. My parents did for me when I had DS1, as I was a teenage parent. They didn’t have DS2 and DD much at all, never overnight but we lived 250 miles away by then. I would probably have a GC every week if asked, but it can be a little much I’m sure for many people. I work full time but would do it on a Friday evening perhaps then the whole weekend isn’t gone.

But absolutely do say if it’s getting too much. Does your DD want you to have her child overnight yet? Maybe have a chat with her and let her know you’re happy to have her DC anytime so ask her to let you know so you’re not already booked up with the other DC. Worth having a chat with your son is it’s getting too much having their child every week. It does seem a lot for a married couple to be going out every week when they are settled and have a child. Maybe once a fortnight or once a month is more appropriate.

Quite a few of my friends do this. Not always to go out drinking but I was quite surprised by how many had someone available every week to take them over night. I have one friend who has the MIL take him one night per week and her own mum another night (plus the full day before and after). We are yet to get a night out and we’re over a year into the second baby 😂 Even if we had the help I wouldn’t want them away every week though

How about getting your daughter to 'book' in a date in advance and when your DIL asks you can tell her you are already booked for that date.

i genuinely never realised that grandparenting was so difficult! i never had grandparents myself, and when my little ones were young, my parents had already passed so i was on my own! and having 2 GC so close together has brought its problems.

i desperately want to give support to both families as i remember how hard it was for me. I may not approve of some things but i don't feel its my place to make judegements, however it is becoming increasingly more difficult as i'm working, have a house to run, a life and don't want to be tied down and i know that sounds just so horrid of me!

You also need days off too!

Nip it in the bud. Weekly sleepovers are waaaaay too much, especially for a small baby. Agree to once in a while but maybe offer to see them both more during day instead.

Gosh thats so little for a baby to be away from mum & dad overnight every week

It's not normal to be offloading your baby at such a young age one weekly basis regardless of it's to a grand parent. You need to nip that in the bud now! Your DIL and son should not have had a child if they don't want to look after them

As an un-retired grandparent that’s huge for you to take on and very generous. Totally understand if you’re concerned about setting boundaries then not seeing DGC but she surely will understand if you calm it down

I find the posters comments about your son a bit strange, if you’re like me and you get on well with your DIL in a pleasant easy way there is no need for his input. I do find some comments odd on here!
Putting that aside, yes I think you should just nicely say you’d like to share the care of both grandchildren either one day a week or a fortnight whichever suits you. I’ve looked after all my grandchildren from young babies and now have a close relationship with them all even though they’re now adults.

If you are up for it just say once a month or once every 2 months. Set you boundaries from the beginning. As they get older that might change. But, these are babies.

I think once a week is too much . I wouldn’t like to do it as I work full time also . You are not unkind if you tell the truth and say it is too much for you which it probably is and remember ,that you are not ‘expected’ to do anything.

Why does she need a night out/day off once a week?
YANBU, once every few weeks would be so generous.

If you are still working it pretty cheeky for you to be babysitting all night every week. Presumably they chose to have a baby? They need to learn that life changes and things such as a going out regularly does pause for a bit. Most 9 month olds aren't sleeping through either, ours did but I still wouldn't expect my parents to take them overnight every single week at that age.

She's taking the Mick. My in laws babysit regularly (to support us working only a couple of hours) but my oldest has stayed once at their house and my youngest never

my DD knows she can ask, i am not going to force her to hand over her baby if she's not ready. im guessing from some peoples comments by DD may have been subtly trying to tell me i was being taken advantage of when she mentioned she might like a break sometime and i didn't realise! how stupid of me

Her expectations aren’t your obligations.

My advice would be to nip this in the bud now OP. Imagine when you're 5 years older, haven't had a week 'off' in 5 years, there are 3 more siblings, and your eldest grandkids are so used to 'grandmas on a Saturday' that there is added guilt about 'letting them down' when you say no. I'd be busy booking some stuff in, so that it gradually goes down to once a month for each. Book in some friends, get 'gifted' some tickets for something, arrange to look after your other grandkid.

I just came on to say you sound lovey, your family are very lucky to have you. Once a week is taking advantage 💐

It doesn't sound horrid at all, you're entitled to have time to yourself, and to only do what you feel comfortable with. We're all different, some grandparents love having their grandchildren around a lot, others find it overwhelming! There's no 'right' or 'wrong' in this, there's only what is acceptable to you, and your family. If every week is too much, then it's too much. You're not being unreasonable to just tell them that.

I think she's trying to establish a routine to get in before you help your dd. Her child isn't the only grandchild and really needs it's mother at that age. Are they very young?

With a loving grandparent? It's hardly dumping. I imagine it would be amazing to have a weekly break from the slog of parenting. Big ask of the grandparents though.

Hi OP, I think you've been very generous so far! I have an 18 month old and haven't yet asked for any overnight babysitting, and can count on one hand we've actually had evening babysitting!

I'm not saying your life has to come to an end when you have children, but I do think it's a huge ask to ask grandparents to have a baby/toddler overnight.

I would definitely start cutting the frequency down...once every now a d again for a special occasion is fine, but anything more than that is being quite cheeky! I can also understand why your DD feels annoyed!